When Forever Ends

This is fucked up. Fucked up on so many levels. Every time I get myself convinced that Shayne is nothing more than my best friend, she does something I find myself obsessing about. Today, she hugged Derek. Derek! Why did she hug him? She hates him. She does hate him right? I’m not being a total dick and misunderstanding her again, am I? She doesn’t...like him, does she? No. Not possible. This is Derek, everyone hates Derek. I mean, not that I care or anything...because she’s just my friend.

“I can’t wait to go home and see Marley.” Shayne says. Her body is sprawled out on a bed. We stopped in Nevada for the night. We’ll finally be home tomorrow. I’m so excited to go home. I’m hoping that I can return to my normal behavior and not continually have dirty thoughts about Shayne.

“Same.” I agree. Sitting on the edge of my bed, Shayne is sharing a bed with Jake. Corey, Zack, and Derek are in another room down the hall. The hotel is nicer than any of us expected it to be. My guess, it’s a reward for none of us getting arrested.

“I can’t wait until she gets really round. So I can tease her!” Shayne say excitedly. “Plus! I need to get her a birthday present. So, Dave better fucking pay me tomorrow!” Marley’s twentieth birthday was two weeks ago.

“And I need to get both of you presents still.” I say kicking my left shoe across the room and missing Jake’s head by and inch. Jake passed out on the couch almost as soon as he sat down on it. Today is Shayne’s twentieth birthday...she’s still the person I met when I was fifteen. She hasn’t changed much at all. Her hair got longer, her face matured, and she grew a few inches. Everything is still pretty much the same, Shayne doesn’t like change.

“I feel fucking old.” Shayne says sadly.

“Old? You’re twenty! You’re in the prime of your life! Fucking enjoy it!” I say pulling my shirt off and throwing it on the floor. Part of me is praying for Shayne to sit up and look at me. She doesn’t, she continues to stare up at the ceiling. Look at me! I want to scream it at her, but that would be uncomfortably awkward.

“Yeah, I guess. But I feel like I haven’t done anything in the last twenty years.” she says.

“The last twenty years? Look was you did in the last twenty minutes!” I laugh and gesture toward Jake, even though she’s not looking at me. Jake is slumped on the red couch covered with anything and everything that Shayne could possibly draw on his bare chest.

“Eh.” she replies. “I’m going to change.” she rolls off the bed, landing on her side. She doesn’t look at me once while she crawls across the carpet to her bag, or even when she walks into the bathroom. Once Shayne closes the door behind her I let out all my frustrations with a sigh.

Why I thinking like this? Why do I want her to look at me? Obviously, I’m attracted to her...but why? Why am I suddenly aware of how good looking she is? It’s like the fucking ninth grade all over again. I shake my head, trying to free myself from images of Shayne. I pick my jeans off and throw them across the room next to my bag, not even bothering to take the belt out of the loops. I was just going to wear them again tomorrow. So why bother?

“Jake?” I push his shoulders. “Jake!”

“What the fuck, Ace? Leave me alone.” Jake mumbles into a couch cushion.

“Go sleep on your bed, you’re going to fuck your neck up if you sleep like that dumbass.” I say walking back to my own bed and crawling under the covers. Jake noisily walks to his bed in a sleep induced coma and the drops down in the middle of the bed and starts snoring. Good. There was no way he was going to get out of driving in the morning.

“Aw, fuck no!” Shayne yells throwing her pile of clothes on the floor near her bag. Shayne jumps onto her and Jake’s bed. “Jake, you’re such a dumbass. If we’re sharing a bed, then sleep in something normal.” she says shaking Jake.

“Whatever.” Jake mumbles sliding his jean to around his knees and then falling back to sleep.

“I seriously I hate him sometimes.” Shayne tells me with annoyance. I shake my head with a laugh as Shayne pulls Jake’s shoes off. I decide I’d only be torturing myself if I watch her pull his jeans and his shirt off. So I close my eyes and listen to their conversation. Jake’s words are almost never understandable. Click. The lights go off. “Night.” Shayne says probably cuddling into her pillow like she always does.

“Night.” I say back, rolling onto my side and facing the wall. The sounds of Jake’s snores are heard from behind my back. Irritating. I feel for my iPod and shove the ear buds into my ears to drown out the sound of Jake’s noisy slumber. It works fairly well and I fall asleep after an hour of letting my mind drift.

What if everything I feel for Shayne is real? What will happen if after we get back home, I still go crazy at the thought of her? I’ll be fucked. There isn’t even a possibility that Shayne would ever see me as more than a friend. Maybe I should just tell her...nope. Bad idea. I’ll jut ignore it the best I can.

“Wake the fuck up, Ace!” Jake nudged me with his foot.

“Fuck off.” I grumble, far too comfortable, tired, and warm to get out of the damn bed.

“Ugh, Shayne! Come on!” Jake whines. Dammit. No one can not wake up when Shayne is screaming songs and jumping on their bed. I close my eyes and prepare for the sounds of her off key singing/screaming.

“Go to hell.” Shayne mumbles, her warm breath hits the patch of skin where my neck and my shoulder meet. I shiver involuntarily and open my eyes wide. I suddenly become aware of Shayne’s body being cuddled into mine. When did this happen?

“Whoa.” I say sitting up, with Shayne still clinging onto me. Not that I mind...at all. “What are you doing here?” I ask with a voice deeper than normal, it always happens when I just wake up.

“Jake is the worst person to share a bed with when he’s really tired. He fucking kicked me off the bed.” Shayne says letting go of me.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah! Let’s go!” Jake yells! I watch Shayne crawl off the bed and go into the bathroom with her arms full of clothes. God damn! She looked better in a pair of my boxers than I did. Seriously, how did I not look at her last night. A pair of my red plaid boxer hung loose of her hips and a tiny black tank top clung to her upper half.

“You still think she’s hot don’t you?” Jake asks with a teasing smile.

“Shut the fuck up.” I growl as I pull my jeans on.

“Don’t worry. It’ll go away once you get home and you see some girl. You’ll forget all about her.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.” I mumble under my breath just as Shayne walks out of the bathroom.

“Let’s leave! I need to see Marley!”

“Um, excuse me! I need to see Jenna!” Jake said running out the door.

Yeah, and I need to go home and erase my new feelings for Shayne. I kick a rock away from the van. Zack and Shayne are talking when I get in, they look fucking comfortable. Figures, she’d forgive him. I must have been something terrible in a past live and this how I’m being punished. I listen to my iPod to try to sleep to block out the sounds and sights of them. If I don’t I might just throw up all over them.

God, I can’t wait to get home and clean up this whole mess.