When Forever Ends

Don’t get me wrong. I am an more than happy that Marley and Vince are getting married. This means that Ace will always, always be around. I’m pretty sure that’s God’s was of pissing on me. Honestly, the man must hate me.

It’s not like I hate him. It’s more like...I get this weird feeling when I’m around him. It’s uncomfortable to say the least. Though, I will admit that all the bullshit he said hurt me.

He told me loved me. It felt like I was having a heart attack. I told him I don’t love him and he said I was a liar. He accused me of dating Saul, and it felt like my stomach turned into a bottomless pit. I told him we were just friends, because it’s the truth. He called me a slut. He said I was probably fucking Saul because I’m a whore. The whole heart attack feeling tripled, it hurt so bad that I actually started to cry.

I’m not interested in his gifts. If anything they only make it feel like my heart is being squeezed by The Hulk. Not comfortable.

I lean my bare back against the brick wall outside the showy shit hole. Bad idea! Like I’m not cold enough out here as it is, why would ever lean against the building? The bricks felt like ice.

“Stupid mother fucker.” I mumble under my breath but not moving from the wall. I watch a homeless man across the street being harassed by the police. I frown. He’s my favorite homeless man. He’s a nice guy. He doesn’t hardly ever beg for money. Maybe once a week. Gavin calls him Billy. I don’t think that’s his real name but everyday when I walk Gavin to school he waves and says “Mornin’ Billy!” and the homeless man smiles and waves and continues with his life.

I hug myself for warmth. I miss California’s weather right now. I hate the cold and I hate the snow. The wind blows and I shiver and hug myself tighter.

“Want my jacket?” I jump and look at Ace who is holding his suit jacket out to me.

“Nope.” I say, even though it looks very welcoming.

“Don’t be stubborn. Take it.” He says sighing. I look at the jacket like it’s covered in maggots. Why would I ever take him up on his offer? The wind blows and I remember. I take his jacket and pull it on being greeted instantly by his lingering body heat.

“Thanks.” I mutter looking back to Billy who is wandering down the street aimlessly, moving just to keep warm.

“I’m sorry, Shayne. For everything I did. Not just in the past year. But even in high school. I never actually thanked you for anything you did for me. So, thank you and sorry.”

I don’t know what to say to that but I don’t worry about it when he continues. “And the other night, when I was drunk...I didn’t mean anything I said. I was upset and I was drunk and...just...I’m sorry.” he rushed his words out scratching the back of his neck. Something he does when he feels uncomfortable.
“Uh...it’s okay.” I say. I understand that he was drunk. Everyone does stupid shit when they’re drunk. Ask Jake. He can tell tons of stupid shit he’s done.

“Can we go somewhere and talk?” Ace asks and notice him shivering a little. It’s my fault for taking his jacket. There’s no way anyone would be warm in just skinny jeans and a button up shirt.

“Sure.” I agree. We are going to talk. He’s going to bring up the whole love thing. Then I’m going to set him straight. That he’s wrong and he doesn’t love me...he’s just confusing the feelings of our past friendship with love.

I walk to my car with Ace trailing behind me. Once the car starts a loud explosion of music erupts from the speakers.

“I’m never going to get used to that.” Ace laughs to himself and I smile a bit. I remember every time he got in the car he would almost have a heart attack from the volume of the music.

There really is nowhere to go just to talk at this time of night in this kind of weather. So I end up taking Ace back to my apartment and sit on the couch.

“I know you don’t want to hear this but I love, Shayne.” I smile a bit while shaking my head.

“Ace, you don’t. You have friendship and love confused.”

“No, I don’t. I love you.”

“Stop saying that.” I demand because of the pain in my chest.

“Why?” he asks with an edge. “I love you. I love you. I love you. Iloveyou. Iloveyou. Iloveyou! ILOVEYOU! ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU! I LOVE YOU!” Ace is full out screaming at the top of his lungs when he finishes.

“Stop, it hurts me.” I whine flushing red. It’s not even logical for words to cause physical pain. Most cases. Marley claims every time someone says the word worm her fingers start to hurt and her stomach threatens to throw itself up.

“It hurts you? What do you think it does to me? Every time I say it you tell me I’m wrong! You don’t think that hurts? It kills me!”

“I” he cuts me off.

“I love. I need you. I long for you. I yearn for you. What combination of words will it take for you to understand what I’m saying to you?”

“I understand but”

“But what?”

“I don’t return the feelings, I’m sorry. There’s nothing between us.” I say flatly.

“Just kiss me once and I’ll prove you that there is something there.” he begs, the gold in his eyes shining bright in my dimly lit living room.

“Fine. Once.” I agree. I know there won’t be a single spark. He’ll probably be embarrassed when he comes to this discovery. I’ll laugh in his face and say ‘I told ya so.’

It’s awkward at first. His face lingers close to mine a few seconds before our lips finally touch. At that very moment I was proved wrong. I wasn’t expecting one spark and I got a whole lot of sparks. When his lips move against mine I feel my entire body go weak, which isn’t normal yet it’s nice and in fucked up kind of way. I cannot keep myself from giving into his kiss and feeling nervous excitement when his rough hands tangle into my hair and I wrap my hands around his neck automatically. His kissing as improved greatly since I had to teach him back in freshman year when he was still shy and self-conscious.

One kiss. I promised one kiss. I guess all promises are broken sooner or later. That on just broke sooner. One kiss led to more kisses. More kisses lead to roaming hands. Roaming hands led to less clothing. Less clothing led us to my bedroom. My bedroom led to no clothing. No clothing let to me moaning like a whore from under Ace’s weight.

“I love you.” Ace pants from beside me and kisses my shoulder before holding me close to himself, mixing our sweat as our bodies touch. I pretend to be asleep.

No doubt there is something between us but I’m not sure it’s love. Maybe physical attraction. Maybe now I’m just making excuses to mask my fear. I push the thoughts out of my head and let sleep take me while enjoying the small kisses plants on my shoulder every now and then.