When Forever Ends

Most people normally don’t get this feeling. Only some on death row ever experience this feeling. The feel of walking to your own demise. That’s kind of what it feels like when you have to tell your-Ace that you’re pregnant and it’s all his sperm’s fault! Typically, the one day where it’s raining in my mind it’s sunny and bright outside. Fucking figures.

Why is this bad? It’s bad because I do in fact love Ace. I never really understood the strange way I felt around him. Until I watched him walk away from me at the airport. By that time I was trying so hard not to fucking cry like a pussy that I couldn’t even say one word. Not one word! Not even a sound. Then once he disappeared I let myself cry.

So I’ll just tell him and hope that he forgives me, right? Wrong! That’s not going to work! Because Ace won some fucking shit over the weekend and as soon as he stepped foot off his board some whorey looking aspiring model named Biza Cruz was all over him...and he was all over her back. I thought I was going to be physically sick when I saw how they went at each other. Of course the broadcaster made sure rub it in my face that the two were officially a couple. Fucking fantastic!

So now, in the final week of my fourth month of pregnancy I have a small little bump in my belly. It can easily be covered. So I think I can just not tell him and get away with. Fuck, maybe I’ll go ask Billy the hobo to fucking marry me and tell everyone it’s his kid!

Of course, the fact that I’m getting ready to go to the rehearsal dinner for the fucking happiest couple in America’s wedding doesn’t make me feel much better. I told Marley that Ford would be stoked that she’s pregnant again and he is. I’ve never seen the guy happier before in life. Someone needs to slash his tires or something...just so his happiness doesn’t reach fatally high levels.

“This is fuckin’ stupid.” I grumble fixing Gavin’s hair so it isn’t sticking up in eighty-three different directions.

“Mom, is the baby going to be a boy?” Gavin asks looking up at me with carbon copies of my own eyes.

“I dunno, Gave. We have to wait and see.”

“Mom?”

“Huh?” I ask with the black comb between my teeth while trying to flatten his hair down.

“The baby doesn’t have the same dad as me, right?”

“Right.” I say with the comb still in my mouth.

“And you told Marley the babies dad was an asshole last night...and you called that guy who came her that one night an asshole...so he’s the babies dad, right?” The comb hits the floor after I drop my jaw in shock and stare wide-eyed at the too smart seven year old in front of me. I was far too shocked to even scold him for his usage of the word asshole. “Right?” he asks again.

“Uh. Yeah. Right. But we’re not gonna tell him that, okay?” I can’t lie to him. I’m not going to feed him a bunch of lies.

“Okay.” Gavin says shrugging.

It never fails that whenever Gavin starts to watch a movie before we have to go somewhere, I’ll sit down knowing that I have to leave in ten minutes. I get too interested in movie and I end up leaving twenty minutes after I was supposed to. So we’re always late.

“Sorry.” I mumble not looking at any of the people in the room other than Vince and Marley.

“It’s okay.” Vince laughs and then messes up Gavin’s hair. I know he didn’t mean to purposefully ruin all the hard work I put into taming his hair but it pisses me off anyway. Psh, pregnancy. I nudge Gavin in the right direction and then stand behind Marley like I’m supposed to do. It was very boring just standing there.

I spent a good portion of the time examining the dirt on my shoes. Trying to find pictures in it. I feel eyes burning into me and I pick my head and Jake is waving like maniac from Vince’s side of the alter. I wave back like maniac until the priest type guy clears his throat and sends a warning glance at me. I bite my lip and try to stop myself from laughing and Jake just grins at him. I force myself to stare at the floor in order to rid my urge to laugh.

Crack! The sound echoes through the church. I pick my head up and look for the source. Hoping Gavin didn’t break anything. Then I saw it. I saw her. Biza Cruz sits in an empty pew with her long legs crossed, chewing on gum, and texting someone on an outrageously expensive phone. Then she looks up and scowls at me. I smirk, does Barbie actually think I’m intimidated by her?

In way she does actually look like Barbie. Body wise anyway. Her tan is obviously fake, her legs are way too long, her waist way too small, her boobs are unbelievably fake. Her face is alright...but she’s got these fucked up big blue bug eyes. She must have bought a Barbie and took it to a plastic surgeon and asked to look just like it. Biza Cruz’s hair was brown at one point but it’s covered with so many highlights that it just looks like really ugly blonde hair.

“So are you going to tell him?” Marley asks after we ate and everyone was sitting around socializing.

“Nope.” I say simply shooting my eyes toward Gavin who is running around with Vince’s cousin.

“Shayne! You said you would!”

“I also said I was going to outlaw the consumption of eggs. Did that ever happen?”

“This is serious, though! He needs to know. It’s his right to know! If you don’t tell him by the end of this week I will and you can count on it.”

“Yeah, whatever.” I say sipping some water.

“Hey!” Jake sits down in Marley’s chair after she gets up to mingle with Vince’s family.

“Hey! Way to get me in trouble!” I poke his chest.

“He was just jealous!” Jake laughs and then swings his arm over my shoulder. There is a comfortable silence between us for a few minutes. “I think we need to talk about some shit.” Jake says. “Let’s go outside.”

I nod and let Jake led us outside. I sit on the cement steps and stare at cars driving by. The sun is finally beginning to disappear. Thank God!

“So...you’re pregnant.” Jake says looking at the cars as well. Who the fuck told him! Marley! I bet it was Marley! Marley probably told Jenna! Jenna can’t keep her damn mouth shut so she probably told Jake! Fucking great.

“No I’m not.” I laugh in hopes of masking my lie.

“Gavin told me.” Jake says.

“Fuck.” I hiss under my breath.

“I’m not going to tell him.” Jake says rolling a pebble under his index finger. “You should though...soon.”

“I kind of don’t want to tell anyone.” I say honestly. It’s almost as embarrassing as when people would ask where Gavin’s father was. I just told people he died...which I hope he had. But in a way I’m kind of thankful because he gave me Gavin who is the best kid anyone can ask for...even though I never did ask....I’m grateful that I have him.

“Well, that shirt isn’t fooling anyone.” Jake points out. Fuck him. I thought I could get away with a normal t-shirt without my stomach being obvious. I guess not.

“Shut up, people probably think I’m just fatter.”

“Oh yes. Because someone who skateboards like a beast for I dunno all day everyday would gain weight rapidly out of the blue.” Jake nods his head up and down sarcastically.

“Shut up.” I growl and walk back inside leaving him to sit on the step.

“Tell him!” Jake yells after me.

I walk back and am instantly greeted by Biza’s annoying voice. “Yeah, she’s either like pregnant or a lot fatter in person.” she says into her phone while glancing at me. Fucking bitch! “Yeah, she doesn’t even have a boyfriend or anything. Real classy.” she laughs. Haha! It’s your boyfriend’s kid, stupid bitch!

So later that night when I spill spaghetti sauce all over her white designer dress. I smile the sweetest smile I can muster and say “Classy.” and walk away.