Sex Drive

Fuck. Shit. Bollocks. Cunt. Bitch. Twat. Piss. Tit. Wank. Oh, did I mention FUCK?!

Those words just revolved around my head, as I stood frozen to the floor, staring at Ronnie. I think he was trying to be sympathetic or something, when he tried to catch my eye.

"Oh," Was all I could utter. My heart raced, my sweat glands going mental all over my body. I began to feel nauseas

"It's ok..." Ronnie started, but I held my hand up to stop him.

"No," My voice shook. "Just tell me how everyone knows," I stated. My knees felt fragile, they would collapse any second now. Ronnie shook his head, droplets of water spraying everywhere.

"Well, Seany boy, we can just...tell. By the way you act around women. You might as well have it branded on your forehead sometimes by the way you act. But-" Ronnie stopped, as an unwanted tear rolled down my cheek.

All that effort, trying to be manly and all, just gone out of the window right in front of my eyes. Well, to be honest, I couldn't pretend for much longer could I?

"Sean, look," Ronnie put a hand on my shoulder, I wanted to shrug it off but I couldn't muster the strength. I needed it to stay upright. "I think I can help you,"

I stopped dead in my stupid sobbing. Did he just say what I thought he said?

"Help me? How the hell are you planning to help me?" I said, emphasis on the word help. Ronnie? Helping me? I didn't understand, it didn't register.

"Yeah, I can help you get laid," Ronnie flashed his row of slightly crooked teeth at me, a gold one at the back standing out in the Cardiff daylight. I thought about it for a minute. Surely he would use girls from his club? I didn't want that.

"I don't know Ronnie..." I started.

"Well, what's your problem? Why do you think you haven't been laid yet?" Ronnie asked, another question I had to think about. One which I had never really thought about. Why hadn't I been laid yet?

"I don't know, you tell me?" I asked, an answer not coming to my light-bulb shaped head. Ironically.

"Well, you look fine," Ronnie said, sighing. "Maybe you need to look more, you know, dangerous? Maybe you seem too tame? Or maybe that's just me..." Ronnie trailed off. "The women I know like a dangerous, exciting guy, you know?" He concluded, standing up and gesturing me into his living room.

"But why change who I am just to get laid?" I asked, I knew I could never look dangerous. I was too much of an absolute wuss.

"Well my friend," Ronnie looked at me sympathetically, again. "Your coming to the wrong person." He shrugged. "Sorry," My heart sank, even though I didn't want his help I did want this nightmare to end.

"Well, what can I do?" I asked, playing with the sleave of my jacket.

"That's for you to figure out, buddy," Ronnie patted me on the shoulder. I took that as my cue to leave.

"Well, ok. See you Ronnie. Err, I suppose I should say thanks," I forced a smile. I suppose I did owe him for telling me or I'd be in the dark about this still.

"For what?" Ronnie looked bewildered, still keeping the towel held tightly around his waist, pacing his living room which was lined with the same colour as the main club room, Crimson.

"Telling me, I'd be in the dark otherwise," I said, shaking his hand. Ronnie wasn't all bad, I guess.

"No problem, just, err, get laid soon I guess." Ronnie smiled, I think that was meant to be a joke. I laughed nervously.

"Sure thing," I said, turning on my heel and walking out through the club again.

I think I looked a bit weird walking out of a strip club in the middle of the day, I certainly got a few weird looks. But it made me paranoid, could they tell I was a virgin too? Now I would forever freak out in case people could tell.

As I walked, I thought about the whole situation. I concluded I was definately ready to lose it, I just needed the right girl. The right advice. The right place, the right time, and the right feelings. I concluded, that I should fall in love first, do this properly now I had the chance. I concluded, that I shouldn't talk to Ian about this. He probably made jokes about me behind my back, he was just that kind of guy. He was in my bad books for now.

Then it came to me, my light bulb shaped head finally serving it's purpose.

Oli, I could talk to him? He had always been there for me, he was understanding.

When he wasn't with Ian

Ok, so I had to catch him alone. That was fine, I'd just go over to his house or something, maybe now while I had the courage.

Or maybe I should go home and check I didn't look like a virgin.