If You Say Goodbye Today
6.
My breath caught in my throat, and I experienced a dizzying sensation as I watch mylover ex-lover turn with a groan. His eyes fluttered open, and upon so, he emitted a yelp, and threw his hand over his eyes, struggling with the other to push the duvet off of him.
I tentatively stood, and gently peeled the heavy blanket off for him, fearing my legs would give out from under me, my breath still carefully held. I started to back away before Gerard noticed the presence of another person near him, that the blanket hadn't moved itself.
But I wasn't as successful as I'd hoped, because he moved his hand from his eyes then, just enough to prevent pain, but enough to reassure him there was someone there. "Frank..." He said weakly. I had no choice but to stay now, he knew I was there.
I moved towards him, and sat down on the floor by the couch. "I'm here." I muttered. I couldn't decide which was more...the rancor and anger I felt towards him for putting me on edge since last night? Or the relief of him being awake and alright? As far as I knew anyway...
"You can go...you don't have to stay." He said, his eyes looking directly into mine. I didn't know if I wanted to, or even could, leave now...
"Well, I didn't want to be here when you woke up, but I guess now the damage is done, so..." I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. 2:49 am. "I might as well stay." He gave me a pained look. "I'm sorry..." He whispered then. "I'm so fucking sorry..."
I looked away to the wall I'd stared at for almost five hours. "Go back to sleep. You need to sleep this out." I glanced at him, and he was staring up at the ceiling. But, when I looked more closely, I could see a single pristine tear sliding down the side of his face.
I reached up and wiped it away, wishing now that he would just go back to sleep. "We have time to talk about this tomorrow. Sleep, sugar," I stood from my position on the floor and sat back on the chair I'd occupied earlier. "Are you going to be here in the morning then?" He sniffled after asking the question.
"Maybe. I don't know..." I said stoically, still not sure what to do. I was sure I was just tired. "Do you want to move to the bedroom?"
He nodded, so I stood again, helped him to stand, and led him to the bed. I retrieved the duvet from the couch back onto the bed, and finally settled in to sleep.
I tentatively stood, and gently peeled the heavy blanket off for him, fearing my legs would give out from under me, my breath still carefully held. I started to back away before Gerard noticed the presence of another person near him, that the blanket hadn't moved itself.
But I wasn't as successful as I'd hoped, because he moved his hand from his eyes then, just enough to prevent pain, but enough to reassure him there was someone there. "Frank..." He said weakly. I had no choice but to stay now, he knew I was there.
I moved towards him, and sat down on the floor by the couch. "I'm here." I muttered. I couldn't decide which was more...the rancor and anger I felt towards him for putting me on edge since last night? Or the relief of him being awake and alright? As far as I knew anyway...
"You can go...you don't have to stay." He said, his eyes looking directly into mine. I didn't know if I wanted to, or even could, leave now...
"Well, I didn't want to be here when you woke up, but I guess now the damage is done, so..." I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. 2:49 am. "I might as well stay." He gave me a pained look. "I'm sorry..." He whispered then. "I'm so fucking sorry..."
I looked away to the wall I'd stared at for almost five hours. "Go back to sleep. You need to sleep this out." I glanced at him, and he was staring up at the ceiling. But, when I looked more closely, I could see a single pristine tear sliding down the side of his face.
I reached up and wiped it away, wishing now that he would just go back to sleep. "We have time to talk about this tomorrow. Sleep, sugar," I stood from my position on the floor and sat back on the chair I'd occupied earlier. "Are you going to be here in the morning then?" He sniffled after asking the question.
"Maybe. I don't know..." I said stoically, still not sure what to do. I was sure I was just tired. "Do you want to move to the bedroom?"
He nodded, so I stood again, helped him to stand, and led him to the bed. I retrieved the duvet from the couch back onto the bed, and finally settled in to sleep.
♠ ♠ ♠
sucksss