If You Say Goodbye Today
7.
"What do you mean 'you don't understand', Gerard? I explained it to you clearly." We currently stood at opposite ends of the table in the kitchen, all remnants of food that were placed on it forgotten.
"I just don't understand why you're not gonna stay." He said, panic and desperation seeping through every tone in his voice. He glanced down, an almost ashamed look showing on hisgorgeous twisted face.
"Until you sort all of this out, I can't be with you. I'm your friend for now, Gerard. That's all I have to give you." He looked up at me with the most pained expression on his face. I hated to be the one to cause it, but he needed to learn...
"I can't help you unless help yourself first." I added
"What if I can't?" He whispered, tears welling up.
"How could you not? Gerard, you have to want to." I told him, sitting back down at the table.
"Well it's not like I can do it alone!" He yelled, now frustrated.
"Nobody said you had to go through anything alone, Gerard! Mikey's here, Ray's here, Bob's here, I'M here! You're not going through anything alone!" I was really mad now. Where was he getting this? He sat back down at the table with his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably. "Gerard we're all here for you. I'm leaving because I think it's best right now." I whispered pathetically.
When he didn't answer, I took it has a sign that I should leave, or I'd end up staying. As much as I wanted to, I knew Gerard needed it. He needed me to leave right now. It wouldn't be easy for either of us, but that's how it had to be...
I stood and walked to the other side of the table, moved his hand from his face and held it in mine, causing him to look at me, so I took the opportunity to capture his lips for my own, and kept them for my own for a few more minutes before breaking away. I placed my forehead on his, and looked into his eyes, glad to see he was looking in my own. "I love you, Gerard, and only you. I'm here for you always, okay?" He closed his eyes, and I took that for the equivalent of a nod. "I'll be back soon."
I kissed his nose, and left, trying not to make this harder than it needed to be.
It seemed like a blur, making it to my car, pulling out of his drive-way, and then being on my way...not even really knowing what happened...
And before I knew it, I'd stopped the car again, got out, and walked to the door of the house whose drive-way I'd stopped in. I knocked a few times, shifting foot to foot, waiting for the person inside to open the door.
"I just don't understand why you're not gonna stay." He said, panic and desperation seeping through every tone in his voice. He glanced down, an almost ashamed look showing on hisgorgeous twisted face.
"Until you sort all of this out, I can't be with you. I'm your friend for now, Gerard. That's all I have to give you." He looked up at me with the most pained expression on his face. I hated to be the one to cause it, but he needed to learn...
"I can't help you unless help yourself first." I added
"What if I can't?" He whispered, tears welling up.
"How could you not? Gerard, you have to want to." I told him, sitting back down at the table.
"Well it's not like I can do it alone!" He yelled, now frustrated.
"Nobody said you had to go through anything alone, Gerard! Mikey's here, Ray's here, Bob's here, I'M here! You're not going through anything alone!" I was really mad now. Where was he getting this? He sat back down at the table with his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably. "Gerard we're all here for you. I'm leaving because I think it's best right now." I whispered pathetically.
When he didn't answer, I took it has a sign that I should leave, or I'd end up staying. As much as I wanted to, I knew Gerard needed it. He needed me to leave right now. It wouldn't be easy for either of us, but that's how it had to be...
I stood and walked to the other side of the table, moved his hand from his face and held it in mine, causing him to look at me, so I took the opportunity to capture his lips for my own, and kept them for my own for a few more minutes before breaking away. I placed my forehead on his, and looked into his eyes, glad to see he was looking in my own. "I love you, Gerard, and only you. I'm here for you always, okay?" He closed his eyes, and I took that for the equivalent of a nod. "I'll be back soon."
I kissed his nose, and left, trying not to make this harder than it needed to be.
It seemed like a blur, making it to my car, pulling out of his drive-way, and then being on my way...not even really knowing what happened...
And before I knew it, I'd stopped the car again, got out, and walked to the door of the house whose drive-way I'd stopped in. I knocked a few times, shifting foot to foot, waiting for the person inside to open the door.
♠ ♠ ♠
mehhh