Born for This
Chapter Eight: By Myself
Chapter Eight: By Myself
xXShayne’s POVXx
I stood at the front of the gates, staring up at the new territory. This was new territory, and sort of a “fresh start,” as mom would call it. I gripped tightly at the strap of my Hello Kitty messenger bag and took a breath. I was scared shitless.
I eased back for a minute to my upperclassmen could get inside for class early. Too early. It was not even seven in the morning yet, and already I had to be awake and dressed for day one. I mean, I’m a morning person, but this was a little ridiculous for school. Hadn’t they realized that kids do better when they’re less tired? I guess not...
I closed my eyes, and thought back to the last few days. It all happened so fast...
+++++++++++++++
Flashback
My mind drifted to the airport. We had just flown in, and all I had in my hand was my messenger bag, for they didn’t let us take our luggage yet. As “maximum security” poked and prodded at me with the cold metal of a police scanner, I was in silence, and too deep in thought.
I’d cried the whole plane ride. Not the type of cry when you’re sobbing uncontrollably and cant stop, but the kind where you have to wipe away a silent tear or sniffle every one in a while. I’d felt guilty for not saying goodbye to Frankie. It was obvious I had hurt her when the news broke out, but to leave her in pain? I felt lower than the burnt shit you scrape off toast in the morning.
The security guard pushed me along and I grabbed my bag. Rio smiled consolingly at me. She was the only one that had heard me crying.
Mom was talking Jack’s ear off about her last couple of deals in Jersey.
We looked around for a bit at the airport. There were so many people. More than I’d ever seen before my very eyes. A lot were dressed in bland attire, or out of this world outfits. We all walked in silence for a long time. Mom spoke up first.
“This is,” she paused, “Nice.”
“I guess,” I replied softly. Mom looked at me for a moment.
“Shayne, what’s going on with you?” she asked, “You’ve gotten everything you could ever want. You have a good family, a nice new house, a good school to attend, and a brand new start. And yet, you haven’t said one word since we pulled out of the driveway.”
I stared at my shoes, and then focused on the linoleum tiles. White, white, white white. The white never ended. Just like the pain I felt. Mom obviously didn’t get it. She never did. I stopped myself from saying, “I’d rather be alone, but loved in a crap ass town in Jersey, than be a fake, spoiled brat that’s hated in Hicksville!” Thank god Rio spoke up.
“I don’t think Shayne wants to talk about it now mom,” she told. I looked up at her and gave her a soft, gracious smile. She then pulled me over so we were walking in the same place, at a similar pace.
+++++++++++++++++
A car horn beeped, and I was whipped out of my thoughts. I pulled back as I car parked roughly up next to me. “What where you’re going bitch!!” a junior yelled. She was wearing the uniform, which was illegally modified, and large white sunglasses with a black tint. Great. There are assholes in Ohio too.
They got out of the car, and the girl with the sunglasses crashed into me with her bony hip, sending me back a few steps. I wanted to much to just jump kick her in the face and watch those glasses break, but then I realized. couldn’t. I didn’t have a punching bag like Croissant anymore. Now, my anger was all bottled in.
I walked up to the school, which looked like a castle to me, slowly. This was the beginning. A new start. This is what I wanted, wasn’t it? Now that I think about it, I sort of want my old life back.
Usually, the first day of school always went by so slowly for me. Frankie too... But today, the day just seemed to fly by. It went quickly through English, to Science, through History, and even through Physical Education. Now, it was Art, where the teacher was showing us how to draw butterflies and explaining the painting project. Before we all knew it, the bell sounded, and we all rushed out.
When I reached the cafeteria during sixth period, I searched the area. As always, there were little cliques starting to emerge, along with freshman too confused and sitting in the wrong spots. I looked at a table in the back, which was open and by the window that faced the forest and the courtyard. I walked over and sat down.
Before I could even take my lunch out, a heard a small cough. I looked up from my hands that I was fussing with, and came into eye contact with an angry sophomore, that was probably a model, because she was twice my height. Not that I was tall.
“Can I help you?” I asked. She glared down at me.
“You’re in my seat,” she spat at me. I raised a brow.
“Excuse me?” I was curious to know her lack of respect for an upperclassman. Or girl. Gah!! I’m confused!
“You’re in my seat!” the girl explained, as if i was her little sister. God, I hate when people talk like that!
“I’m sorry,” I started, “But I don’t believe your name is on it.”
“Get out,” she told me, “Scram.”
“I’ve heard better insults from a juice box,” I told her, “Fuck off and suck it asshole!”
To that comment, the little group of pre-Plastics started to roar with obnoxious laughter. “That’s funny,” the girl said. Her ID tag read ‘Olivia Maria Reyes.’ Of course. Half of the Olivia’s I know are assholes. “Not!”
“Look, why don’t you go sit at another table?” I asked, “There’s plenty.”
“Because we were born for this table,” she replied. I smirked.
“Really?” I asked. “Well, I’m sorry my dearest, but I do believe I was born before you. You’re a sophomore, am I correct?” She blushed and drew back. “I thought so.”
“You’re a new kid though. You have no status!” she mocked. Did she think I cared? That’d be pretty funny if she did. “Now, why don’t you move closer to the other kids your kind, you fucking lesbo fat ass!”
I sat there for a moment in silence. That actually.... hurt. Nothing like that had hurt me before, except for this one time in pre-k, when Chad said I was in love with Frankie. That was the last homophobic comment I’d heard, except for maybe my mom yelling at Rio when she came out last winter. What a night that was. Memories raged back at full force, and before I knew it, a white flag flashed in my mind, and I surrendered the table.
The girls attacked the table like a lion at feeding time, and yelled remarks at me, which stung even more as I walked away. I eventually sat at a table in the very back, that was hidden by a couple of large pillars. I sighed and pulled out my lunch. I toyed with the salad for a moment, and then looked down at my stomach.
Frankie had always told me I was too thin, and so did everyone else. But fat? Did I gain weight when I moved? Did this shirt make me appear that way? I poked at my stomach for a moment. And there it was. One, tiny love handle right below my belly button. It hurt to finally know reality.
I played with my salad for a few minutes, and debated whether to eat the whole thing, or half. The artichoke dressing I made, or none? I always made healthy choices, but maybe they weren’t so good after all.
Eventually, I gave up and realized I wasn’t even that hungry.
I walked to the trash can, and threw out the past.
xXShayne’s POVXx
I stood at the front of the gates, staring up at the new territory. This was new territory, and sort of a “fresh start,” as mom would call it. I gripped tightly at the strap of my Hello Kitty messenger bag and took a breath. I was scared shitless.
I eased back for a minute to my upperclassmen could get inside for class early. Too early. It was not even seven in the morning yet, and already I had to be awake and dressed for day one. I mean, I’m a morning person, but this was a little ridiculous for school. Hadn’t they realized that kids do better when they’re less tired? I guess not...
I closed my eyes, and thought back to the last few days. It all happened so fast...
+++++++++++++++
Flashback
My mind drifted to the airport. We had just flown in, and all I had in my hand was my messenger bag, for they didn’t let us take our luggage yet. As “maximum security” poked and prodded at me with the cold metal of a police scanner, I was in silence, and too deep in thought.
I’d cried the whole plane ride. Not the type of cry when you’re sobbing uncontrollably and cant stop, but the kind where you have to wipe away a silent tear or sniffle every one in a while. I’d felt guilty for not saying goodbye to Frankie. It was obvious I had hurt her when the news broke out, but to leave her in pain? I felt lower than the burnt shit you scrape off toast in the morning.
The security guard pushed me along and I grabbed my bag. Rio smiled consolingly at me. She was the only one that had heard me crying.
Mom was talking Jack’s ear off about her last couple of deals in Jersey.
We looked around for a bit at the airport. There were so many people. More than I’d ever seen before my very eyes. A lot were dressed in bland attire, or out of this world outfits. We all walked in silence for a long time. Mom spoke up first.
“This is,” she paused, “Nice.”
“I guess,” I replied softly. Mom looked at me for a moment.
“Shayne, what’s going on with you?” she asked, “You’ve gotten everything you could ever want. You have a good family, a nice new house, a good school to attend, and a brand new start. And yet, you haven’t said one word since we pulled out of the driveway.”
I stared at my shoes, and then focused on the linoleum tiles. White, white, white white. The white never ended. Just like the pain I felt. Mom obviously didn’t get it. She never did. I stopped myself from saying, “I’d rather be alone, but loved in a crap ass town in Jersey, than be a fake, spoiled brat that’s hated in Hicksville!” Thank god Rio spoke up.
“I don’t think Shayne wants to talk about it now mom,” she told. I looked up at her and gave her a soft, gracious smile. She then pulled me over so we were walking in the same place, at a similar pace.
+++++++++++++++++
A car horn beeped, and I was whipped out of my thoughts. I pulled back as I car parked roughly up next to me. “What where you’re going bitch!!” a junior yelled. She was wearing the uniform, which was illegally modified, and large white sunglasses with a black tint. Great. There are assholes in Ohio too.
They got out of the car, and the girl with the sunglasses crashed into me with her bony hip, sending me back a few steps. I wanted to much to just jump kick her in the face and watch those glasses break, but then I realized. couldn’t. I didn’t have a punching bag like Croissant anymore. Now, my anger was all bottled in.
I walked up to the school, which looked like a castle to me, slowly. This was the beginning. A new start. This is what I wanted, wasn’t it? Now that I think about it, I sort of want my old life back.
Usually, the first day of school always went by so slowly for me. Frankie too... But today, the day just seemed to fly by. It went quickly through English, to Science, through History, and even through Physical Education. Now, it was Art, where the teacher was showing us how to draw butterflies and explaining the painting project. Before we all knew it, the bell sounded, and we all rushed out.
When I reached the cafeteria during sixth period, I searched the area. As always, there were little cliques starting to emerge, along with freshman too confused and sitting in the wrong spots. I looked at a table in the back, which was open and by the window that faced the forest and the courtyard. I walked over and sat down.
Before I could even take my lunch out, a heard a small cough. I looked up from my hands that I was fussing with, and came into eye contact with an angry sophomore, that was probably a model, because she was twice my height. Not that I was tall.
“Can I help you?” I asked. She glared down at me.
“You’re in my seat,” she spat at me. I raised a brow.
“Excuse me?” I was curious to know her lack of respect for an upperclassman. Or girl. Gah!! I’m confused!
“You’re in my seat!” the girl explained, as if i was her little sister. God, I hate when people talk like that!
“I’m sorry,” I started, “But I don’t believe your name is on it.”
“Get out,” she told me, “Scram.”
“I’ve heard better insults from a juice box,” I told her, “Fuck off and suck it asshole!”
To that comment, the little group of pre-Plastics started to roar with obnoxious laughter. “That’s funny,” the girl said. Her ID tag read ‘Olivia Maria Reyes.’ Of course. Half of the Olivia’s I know are assholes. “Not!”
“Look, why don’t you go sit at another table?” I asked, “There’s plenty.”
“Because we were born for this table,” she replied. I smirked.
“Really?” I asked. “Well, I’m sorry my dearest, but I do believe I was born before you. You’re a sophomore, am I correct?” She blushed and drew back. “I thought so.”
“You’re a new kid though. You have no status!” she mocked. Did she think I cared? That’d be pretty funny if she did. “Now, why don’t you move closer to the other kids your kind, you fucking lesbo fat ass!”
I sat there for a moment in silence. That actually.... hurt. Nothing like that had hurt me before, except for this one time in pre-k, when Chad said I was in love with Frankie. That was the last homophobic comment I’d heard, except for maybe my mom yelling at Rio when she came out last winter. What a night that was. Memories raged back at full force, and before I knew it, a white flag flashed in my mind, and I surrendered the table.
The girls attacked the table like a lion at feeding time, and yelled remarks at me, which stung even more as I walked away. I eventually sat at a table in the very back, that was hidden by a couple of large pillars. I sighed and pulled out my lunch. I toyed with the salad for a moment, and then looked down at my stomach.
Frankie had always told me I was too thin, and so did everyone else. But fat? Did I gain weight when I moved? Did this shirt make me appear that way? I poked at my stomach for a moment. And there it was. One, tiny love handle right below my belly button. It hurt to finally know reality.
I played with my salad for a few minutes, and debated whether to eat the whole thing, or half. The artichoke dressing I made, or none? I always made healthy choices, but maybe they weren’t so good after all.
Eventually, I gave up and realized I wasn’t even that hungry.
I walked to the trash can, and threw out the past.