I'd Kiss You Goodbye If I Thought It Would Make You Stay

So sick, so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick. We’re both such magnificent liars. So crush me, baby, I’m all ears. So obviously desperate, so desperately obvious.” – Taking Back Sunday

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We’ve been on the road for over a week now, and we’ve easily fallen into routine.

Wake up late. Breakfast, mostly cereal but sometimes IHOP or Denny’s if there’s one there. Occasional interview. Sound check. Lunch. Usually a meet and greet/signing. Random activities/doing nothing and waiting around for the show to start. Perform. Stay up late/wasting time. Sleep. Wake up late. Start all over again.

It doesn’t sound that exciting when I put it like that, but it’s amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Maybe one thing…

When I wake up today, I hear voices coming from the front.

“Ready?” Mike demands, from his spot on the couch next to Suzie and William.

“Yeah, just give me a few minutes,” I reply, going back to the bunk area to quickly pick out some jeans and a t-shirt. “Ready, Pancake Buddy?” I ask, when I’m done changing.

“Ready!” he cries, while Suzie and William raise their eyebrows at us.

“Pancake Buddy?” Suzie repeats quizzically.

We ignore them and their confused expressions and I link arms with Mike.

They just don’t understand. Whenever Mike and I see an IHOP, we always go to eat for breakfast. We’re pancake buddies. The thing about me and Mike is that separated, we’re pretty normal, but once you put us together, you can forget about it.

“Butcher wants to know if he can join the Loyal Order of the Pancakes,” Mike informs me, checking his phone as we exit the bus. I snort a little in laughter at the name he’s come up with.

“Sure, why not?” I say, shrugging, and we head over to their bus.

“Andrew Mrotek!” I whine loudly, flopping down onto the couch at the front of their bus. “We’re hungry!” I announce, seeing as he’s probably not ready.

“I’ll tell him to hurry up,” Mike says, heading for the back of the bus.

Michael appears as he exits, yawning and stretching. I try not to stare; he’s only wearing shorts and his hair is tousled in an adorable way.

“Rae,” he says, snapping out of his half-asleep state and noticing me sitting there.

“Hey,” I reply quickly, before that awkward atmosphere can settle itself between us.

“Where-” he begins, but he’s interrupted by Butcher and Mike joining us. “Where are you going?” he finishes, looking slightly confused and still sleepy.

“It’s a secret!” Butcher announces, now practically dragging me from my seat on the couch off the bus. I smile apologetically at Michael, who’s still looking puzzled.

Truth is, I’m a little glad that it’s only the three of us for breakfast.

Things have been a little awkward with Michael, and although we can still talk and joke around, I’m sure everyone can sense it in the air that we miss how it used to be.

And everyone making jokes about the two of us doesn’t help the matter in the slightest.

But I don’t really know how we can go back to how we were, or if it’s even possible.

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“Stop stealin’ my shit!” I suddenly hear Suzie yell from the front of the bus. I stifle laugher at her tone. “Adam, give it back! That’s not even the episode we’re doing, don’t be an asshole!”

I exit the bunks in time to see Sisky trying to leave the bus with an armful of Suzie’s belongings, including her beloved cell phone. He claims it’s for the TAI tv we’re guest starring on today, but Suzie grabs the collar of his t-shirt just in time.

“Give them,” she commands. He guiltily starts returning her possessions one by one.

Her phone rings as he’s about to give it back.

Sisky, being himself, immediately answers it with a grin, of course.

“Hey, Suarez! What’s up?” he asks casually into the receiver, causing Suzie to blush. “No, she’s busy PMSing right now-” he gets out before twisting free of Suzie’s grip and running off the bus. She chases after him, and I follow them out.

Pretty much everyone’s outside, waiting around until Jack’s ready to start filming since today’s our day off. I sit in the empty lawn chair off apart from everyone, next to where William’s sitting.

Michael and Butcher are nowhere in sight, and I watch Suzie chase Sisky down to claim her phone back. Jude and Seb exit our bus to talk to Mike and Jack.

“Michael and Butcher aren’t going to be in this scene,” William informs me.

“Oh,” I reply, not even trying to pretend like I wasn’t wondering where he was.

“You’re doing okay, aren’t you?” he asks, glancing at me.

“Yeah,” I answer. He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes.

“You know you can’t hide what you’re feeling for him forever,” he points out, eyeing the letters on my wrist.

I let out a soft sigh, looking down at them too.

“I know.”