I'd Kiss You Goodbye If I Thought It Would Make You Stay

“Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk?” ¬- Lit

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I wake up in my bunk, a little bit confused. Didn’t I fall asleep outside?

Michael must have brought be back, I realize, noticing his jacket around me. I slip it off and fold it, carefully placing it at the foot of the bunk.

I rub my head; the memory of last night is still fuzzy. I’m not hung over or anything; after all, I had only had a few glasses of wine, and that’s an accomplishment in my book.

I stick my legs outside my bunk and let them dangle for a few seconds while I stretch.

The bus conveniently lurches forward just as I’m hopping down from my bunk, causing me to stumble forward a few feet. I steady myself, glad that I had chosen the middle bunk for this exact purpose at the start of tour.

I wander to the front of the bus, where Jude and Seb are eating Lucky Charms. I pour myself some and then slide into the booth seat next to Seb, yawning widely.

“So…” Jude begins, and I can tell he’s either about to make a sex joke or tell a stupid story that has nothing to do with anything. “Where did you and Chiz disappear to last night?” he asks, eyebrows raised suggestively. “What did you two do? Besides each other, I mean.”

I roll my eyes; he’s opted for the sex joke, of course. Jude’s very predictable. Although I see where he got that idea; our bus was empty last night during the party.

“Can you stop taking it out on me ‘cause you’re not getting any?” I ask him. He scowls at me while Seb snorts in laughter into his cereal, which is pretty disgusting.

I don’t know what he’s laughing about. He’s not getting any either. Come to think of it, none of us are,except maybe Suzie. No surprise, really. Frankly, I don’t want any. After all, we are on tour and we have a no-groupie or sex agreement between the four of us as to avoid awkward situations on the bus.

Seb’s still snickering at Jude, who takes it upon himself to kick him under the table. They start to bicker, drawing attention away from the original question, so I don’t mind at all.

But now I’m wondering what did happen last night? Rather, what did I say?

I rub my wrist nervously. And there I was, thinking I was over that habit.

I know for a fact I didn’t kiss him. Maybe I kind of wanted to, and there was cuddling, but I wasn’t completely wasted, and I’d definitely remember anything more.

Then it all comes back to me.

“I love you.”

Crap.

Did I really say those three little words?

Not that I don’t love him or that he doesn’t already know it, but the problem is I hadn’t had the courage to say it back to him all this time, while he’s had no problem at all saying it to me.

And I won’t even be able to talk to him about it, at least not today.

We’re driving back to L.A. and the guys are going back to Chicago.

I am moving back home, though. There’s an open apartment in the building where William lives, so I’m packing up my things and heading back as soon as possible.

…I just don’t know for sure if Michael will be there when I get back.

“Ha!” My thoughts are interrupted by Suzie’s triumphant shout. “Mike didn’t ask me out, so you were wrong!” she announces as she emerges from the bunk area, looking positively joyful as she hums while getting her breakfast.

I just roll my eyes.