I'd Kiss You Goodbye If I Thought It Would Make You Stay

“Can I say I miss you? For lack to obtain. Oh, just a few good reasons, to keep this interesting.”- The Early November

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I sit frozen on William’s couch.

I feel like an idiot.

“Fine. Good. Great.”

That’s all I could think of to say?

Why couldn’t I say what I had really been thinking?

I miss you.

I wish Michael had broken up with me like a normal person. Screaming and arguing I can handle. I would have gotten over it by now. But I can’t because he didn’t even give me a chance or a reason to hate him.

And shit, I’m rubbing his stupid initials on my wrist again. Suzie always gets mad at me when she catches me doing that, she says that’s partly why I can’t forget him.

“I’m so sorry, Rae. I feel like a jerk,” William’s saying. Apparently Michael had come in from his parents’ home in Sydney early this morning and William had forgotten that he had offered the guest room to him first.

“I said it’s fine, Bill,” I say testily. It’s easier to form sentences now, because he’s gone.

Michael left exactly ten minutes ago to stay at Jack’s apartment, and William hasn’t stopped apologizing since that very second.

“But I really am sorry,” he insists, and by now I’m getting a bit annoyed.

“Bill. Please. I’m fine,” I lie.

“Are you sure?” he asks doubtfully.

“Yeah. I’m just going to take a nap. I’m really tired,” I add, yawning for emphasis.

“Okay then,” he says, still looking worried.

I go to my temporary room, and even though I’m tired, I can’t sleep. I need to talk to someone besides William. I need to talk to another girl.

“Suze, he’s here.” I’m pacing the length of the guest room. I stop at the window, leaning my forehead against the window pane.

“He?” she asks quizzically, sounding distracted. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to come back?” she asks.

“Yeah, kind of, but…but I think I’ll stick it out,” I decide.

“Will you be okay?”

“Well, I’m going to have to get used to it anyways. We’re going on tour with them in a few weeks,” I point out reasonably, although I’m not exactly looking forward to that tiny detail.

“Okay,” she says uncertainly. “But what should I say if anyone asks where you are?” I sigh again, closing my eyes.

Sometimes, I hate being singer.

Everyone always wants to know where you are.

I just don’t understand why.

“Just tell them I’m home for a family emergency or something.”

“Alright then. Try and feel better, okay? See you before tour. Jude and Seb say hi.”

“Okay. Bye.”

I hang up and flop onto the bed, and I’m just not sure I can survive these long few weeks, let alone tour after that.