It's Really Happening

In retrospect, the bourbon milkshakes actually had little to do with how completely wasted I got. There wasn’t enough alcohol in them to even get someone tipsy. I was pretty fine after the shots between them too. I think dancing with Couch and Jack (as well as everyone else on the packed floor) helped process the booze.

No, I blame the shots I did with that troupe of very nice gay guys I made friends with. I don’t really remember how; something about an argument involving Gerard Way, drag, and British comedy. But I definitely got too drunk too quickly and forgot about drinking water.

Then I think I danced some more with all of them. The night got kind of hazy after our mini party at the bar. Alex pulled me away from them, but I quickly ditched him in favour of Tiffany and Abby. I’d been really uncomfortable being around Alex, since I didn’t know how to act. So mostly I pretended he wasn’t there. That didn’t help the fact that I was going to have to tell Zack sometime.

“You should just fuck him,” Tiffany announced when we were sitting at a table taking a breather. I choked on my drink and went into a fit of coughing. “Get it over with so he’ll stop bothering you.”

“Are you insane?” I exclaimed, gaping at her. “That’s a terrible idea!”

“Why? You say he’s attractive all the time.”

“Well… yeah. That’s because he is. But I don’t sleep with every person I find attractive!”

Abby had been laughing since Couch first spoke up and just then recovered. “Well, I’d do it, but I’m engaged and I already fucked Jack,” she reminded flippantly. She grinned brightly. “Take one for the team!”

All three of us burst out laughing and I dropped my face into my hand. “We are all very, very drunk.”

Then I think we danced some more. Again, things got sketchy. Next thing I knew, I was taking a shot with Alex. “No. No more of this,” I slurred, looking around for anyone else. There were a lot of people moving around.

“S’your problem?” he asked, pulling at my belt loop to keep me in place.

“I’m mad at you!” Damn you, squeaky drunk voice!

Alex laughed, laying his arm around my waist and walking me somewhere. “What? Why?”

“Because you—” I frowned at him. His face rocked back and forth with the rest of the room. I dropped my voice. “You know.”

“It was just a kiss, Eris.”

“No, it wasn’t, Alex. You know it fucking wasn’t.” I tripped over something and fell into his shoulder, almost knocking both of us over. He led me over to a table where we sat down, and my head flopped onto his shoulder. “I don’t like being mad at you. It’s fucking… annoying. But you’re such a shithead sometimes.”

I looked up at him; Alex smiled. “So don’t be mad.” I shrugged and went back to leaning. Everything was too loud and too bright and flashy. Alex wouldn’t mind if I shut my eyes for a bit.

When I opened them again, I was in a hotel room—not my hotel room—in a bed, with a headache like someone was trying to split my skull open with a jackhammer. Actually, I think that would have helped a little. I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow, groaning. “I’ll never drink again,” I moaned into it.

Then I lifted my head again. I wasn’t wearing any clothes. And Alex was dead asleep next to me. And he wasn’t wearing any clothes either.

“Oh, god.” I threw back the blankets and ran to the bathroom, making it just in time to vomit into the toilet. I coughed and retched and spat before heaving myself up off the floor. I needed a shower. And some fucking toothpaste.

When I locked the door and got under the water, I finally stopped thinking about my head and cursing alcohol and realized the truth. I had hooked up with Alex. I didn’t exactly remember it, but I wasn’t so naïve as to hope nothing happened.

Suddenly my chest tightened and I couldn’t breathe. What had I done? What the fuck was wrong with me? Zack. Tears poured down my cheeks and I was racked with sobs so strong I had to sit down. My heart wouldn’t stop racing, and my thoughts were buzzing a million miles a second. This is how everything that made you happy ends.

I couldn’t say how long I sat there, crying on the floor of the shower and digging my nails into my arms, trying to peel off my skin. It seemed like every time I calmed down, some of the fog would lift on the evening and I would break down again. There was no way I could salvage the situation, no excuse to make it not happen.

But I couldn’t do anything locked inside a bathroom. So I scrubbed myself until I couldn’t smell anything but soap and shampoo and turned off the shower. All my clothes were still out in the room. So I wrapped myself in a towel and opened the door as quietly as I could.

Alex was still asleep, which was no surprise seeing as it was 7:30 AM, but I almost had another panic attack just looking at him. But I turned away from the bed and began searching for my clothes.

After a few frantic minutes, I decided I would rather lose a pair of underwear and get out of there quicker, so I pulled on my jeans. Of course, then I found them under the edge of the sheets trailing on the floor when I was putting my bra on.

“Eris?” My eyes widened, and I quickly stuffed my unmentionables in my purse. Alex groaned. “Where are you going?”

I wanted to strangle him. Moving that quickly would probably make my head explode though. “My room,” I whispered, whipping my shirt off the table and pulling it on. “I was never here.”

“What?” The sheets made way too much noise. “What are you talking about?”

I bit my tongue and turned around. And then almost burst into tears again. He was just sitting there, propped up on his elbows, looking hung-over and unsurprised and so sad. What right did he have to be sad? “For all intents and purposes,” I explained in a mutter, trying to keep my voice even, “This never happened.”

“Why are you whispering?”

“Because nobody can know I was here!” I sighed and went about putting on my shoes. I didn’t want to look at him. Was my headache getting worse? “You can’t tell anyone. And when I say anyone, I mean it. Not even Jack.” Before he could say anything, if he wanted to, I continued, “I know he's your best friend and all, but he's got a mouth the size of Texas.”

I turned back to him. Alex had put a couple pillows behind him so he could lay back and watch me. “I won’t,” he promised sincerely.

“Good.” I picked up my jacket. “Because if you do, I’ll drag your name so far through the mud you couldn’t get laid even if you could.”

I’m sure that made logical sense. Whatever, it got my point across and was punctuated by the door shutting. Luckily nobody was in the hallway—only crazy people were up at that hour— and I made it to Abby, Tiffany, and my room without seeing anyone.

There was a moment of pause when I stopped in front of the door that I remembered Alex and I had been yelled at by a little old lady for making out in the hallway. Well, I guess I couldn’t make fun of Abby and Josh anymore.

Luckily neither Couch nor Abby woke up when I shut the door, and I managed to change my clothes before I heard my name again. “What’re you doing?” Abby muttered, squinting at me.

“Nothing,” I said, lying across the foot of the bed, “Go to sleep.” I tried to clear my mind, to think about anything other than Alex, but memories from the night before would just keep swimming up. I must have dozed off a few times, because eventually Tiffany and Abby were up and talking.

“Hey, what happened to you last night?” Couch asked, drinking a bottle of water.

Dammit, my head still hurt. I rolled over and grumbled something into the bedspread. “Wait, are you hung over?” Abby asked.

“Finally! Our come-uppins has arrived!” I raised my middle finger in her general direction.

They didn’t bring it up again until after we’d met up with the guys again to take the tram to Disney Land. I may have been over-exuberant in my greeting of Zack, but he didn’t seem to mind. I was just realy happy to see him.

Alex certainly minded though, by the way he took off down the hallway.

“So where did you disappear to?” Abby asked, turning around to look at me. She looked kind of absurd with her big feathery, glittery tiara. But hey, bachelorette parties are supposed to be ridiculous.

Luckily Zack was distracted by some ruckus at the front of the bus (probably Dave and Jack) so he didn’t hear her. “Tell you later.”

She frowned curiously, but Josh turned halfway around and asked, “Tell what later?”

“You don’t get to know at all.” He pouted, and adorable though it was, I really didn’t want to deal with him knowing. “Stop that.”

“Tell me!” he whined.

“No!”

“What’re you guys arguing about?” Jimmie asked, turning around.

I sunk lower in my seat. This was the opposite of what I wanted! “Nothing,” I said in a sullen voice, staring out the window.

"Arguing over what roller coaster we're going on first!" Abby shouted, successfully drawing attention away. Thank god for Abby.

Once we got in through the gates—successfully sneaking in a lot more alcohol than I thought possible—the guys took off running, yelling that we had to go on Space Mountain now, leaving us ladies to lollygag after them. And as soon as they were out of earshot, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“I think I fucked Gaskarth last night.”

Tiffany, who’d been taking a drink of soda as a chaser, spat it all over the place, and the rest of us laugh. “Oh my god, I think it went up my nose,” she groaned.

“That’s what she said.”

"Fuck you and your goddamn news that made me spit out my soda!"

“Wait, wait,” Abby said. “You think?”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “My memory’s still a little sketchy, but considering I woke up next to him naked…”

There was a long pause. “So how was it?” Couch asked.

That was all she cared about? I pulled out my flask. Five o’clock somewhere! “You mean the parts I remember?” Ugh, I really didn’t want to talk about this.

“I’m surprised you could forget,” Abby admitted, patting my shoulder.

“Yeah, you missed that tray of shots. I made friends with some nice boys from the other end of the bar.”

“Of course you did.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure Alex loved that.”

I shrugged. I felt less panicked now that everyone else was seemingly okay with it. “Explains why he didn’t let me away from him after that.”

“Aww, widdle Awex was jeawous!”

“STOP TALKING!” Couch interjected, jumping out in front and halting the group. “HOW. WAS. THE. SEX.”

Abby shook her head and covered her ears. “WAIT, NO, DON’T TELL ME! LALALALALALALALA!”

I snickered at the scandalized, disapproving look a group of parents was giving us, but sighed after a moment. We were getting closer to the guys, who were even more obvious (and profane) than we were. “Better than I am willing to admit,” I muttered. “Better than he deserves.”

“What’re you going to do about Zack?” Abby asked quietly as we neared the line.

My shoulder slumped further. “I haven’t decided. Whatever I do, it’s not going to be good.” I took another swig from my flask as we edged past people to join the guys in line. “But it’s your fucking bachelorette party. So I’m going to do my best to forget that I’m an idiot and enjoy myself.”

When I’d come up with the idea of going to Disneyland, I’d had Abby in mind 100%, because to be honest, I didn’t have memories of liking it all that much when I was a kid. However, I discovered that it was much more fun as an adult. The company didn’t hurt either. (It helped that we had an average mental age of about 9.)

We ran around eating terrible food and sneaking sips of booze in between rides. We hit the Haunted Mansion, Mickey’s Toontown (I was confused and disappointed to discover it had nothing to do with Roger Rabbit), the Enchanted Tiki Room (which was even funnier when you’re drunk), and Pirates of the Caribbean, to name a few. Abby decided to forgo the Tower of Terror, not doing well with heights, and Tiffany and Rian opted to stay behind with her. We also rode Space Mountain half a dozen times and the Tea Cups twice, which was just projectile vomiting waiting to happen considering how drunk we were at that point.

All in all, it was an excellent afternoon. Except for the kicked-puppy looks I caught Alex giving me, and the sick guilty feeling I got around Zack. But let’s ignore that, shall we?

“So where are you all going?” Abby asked as we sauntered, swaggered, and stumbled out of the park.

“Strippers!” Dave yelled, throwing his fist in the air. And the guys resounded, “STRIPPERS!”

“Dammit, I want strippers!” Tiffany slurred, hanging off Rian’s arm. There was another complicated mystery. “Why can’t we have strippers?!”

“Because you’re underage in this country,” I laughed.

“So are you!”

“But I don’t care about strippers. Now if they were going to the Whiskey in Hollywood to see the Go-Go rock chicks… well, that’s another story.”

“We’ll be at the hotel if you get bored,” Abby informed Josh before kissing him.

Jimmie laughed. “Yeah, like he’s gonna remember that in an hour,” he scoffed.

“You’re really fine with this?” Zack asked, like he still couldn’t believe it. I smiled as best I could and nodded. Trust me, I’ve done a lot worse.

“Hurry up!” Jack yelled from down the street. How had they already gotten a taxi?

"Yeah!” Alex agreed. “You're supposed to spend a night AWAY from your woman!"

"So what are we doing?" Couch asked as we headed to the tram.

I laughed just thinking about it. "You'll see."

Abby gave me a suspicious look. "You did something weird, didn't you?"

"Abigail! I thought you knew me better than that!" I grinned. "Of course I did!"