Take My Hand, Let's Get Famous

I didn't see Taylor again for the rest of the day. But the moment he asked me out went through my head over and over and over again. I really hoped that I wouldn't see him again, just so I wouldn't have to tell him why. Hopefully he would just forget about me and move onto some other, prettier, girl.

After school I went quickly to my locker as always and got all my homework. I hadn't received much, just to read the first five chapters of The Catcher in the Rye. I was just about to go outside to the designated area for parents to pick-up their children when I felt someone grab my arm.

"Kaya, wait." I turned around to find Taylor.

"I can't." I said. I knew if I took too long my mother would be angry with me. Then she would tell my father and a small beating would be in store.

I tried to release my arm but Taylor just held on tighter.

"Just tell me why." He said.

"Tomorrow. I really have to go." The urgency in my voice made him let go and I rushed outside to where my mother was normally parked. Thankfully, she hadn't actually arrived yet. I could see her stuck behind a few other cars also there to pick up kids.

When we arrived home I had to clean my parent's bathroom, wash the laundry and cook dinner. Overall a good night. I managed to get through it without so much as a yell, in my mind that constituted a good night. Maybe even a great one.

I went up to bed and did my assigned reading, falling asleep somewhere around eleven.

I dreamt that I was with Taylor. We were running. It was dark but the stars above us were lighting our way. It felt thrilling and I felt alive.

That's all I could remember when I awoke the next morning. I'm sure there was more, and I clung on to every part of the dream I could, but it simply slipped away.

I hadn't had the chance yet to think about what I would say to Taylor. I told him I would tell him why today but there was no good excuse.

I thought again about telling him that I just didn't want to go out with him. But in my heart I knew I couldn't and my brain told me that I shouldn't. I wanted more than anything to tell him about my life. I wanted to reach out to him. I wanted someone to know what I was going through. But then I worried that, if I did tell him, I would push him away. I didn't want to come on too strong.

Lunch came around and once again Taylor sat down with me. "So, are you going to tell me why now?"

"Ummmm." The the thought occurred to me, why does it matter so much? There must have been a pretty good reason for him coming to speak to me twice just to find out why I was rejecting him. "Why?"

"Huh?" He asked.

"Well, why does it matter so much that you know why I'm not going to go out with you?" I explained.

"Oh." He said, looking stumped. I could see him thinking, it was absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but smile. He saw me and smiled too. "That's why."

"What's why?"

"Your smile. You're very pretty, you know." He said sweetly.

Now it was my turn to say 'oh'.

I think he took my oh as a bad thing because he went on to say, "You're also very intriguing. I really want to get to know you better."

"Oh." I said again. What was I supposed to say now? How was I supposed to tell Taylor, this sweet, funny, beautiful boy that there was no way that he could ever get to know me better.

"Are those bad things?" He asked.

"No." I smiled. "They're the nicest things anyone has ever said to me." Now there was sadness in my eyes. I think Taylor could see it because his hand reached out to touch mine on the cafeteria table. I could feel myself blush and looked down into my lap.

"I don't believe that no one's ever called you pretty before." He was very charming, I had to admit it.

I laughed, "They haven't. Trust me."

I felt Taylor's hand leave mine and then touch my face. He gently touched my chin and lifted my face upwards to look at him. He stared into my eyes and I couldn't help but think that this was the most romantic moment of my life. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and the butterflies in my stomach. Taylor began to lean in closer to me.

It was then that I realised how quiet everything was around us. My eyes broke away from his to see that practically the entire cafeteria was staring at us. This was not good. Too much attention. Too many eyes staring at me.

I got up and ran from the cafeteria, no doubt leaving Taylor feeling embarrassed and confused. But I had to leave. How could I have been so stupid as to let all of those people see me with him? Attention is something I've always avoided and now, well, who knows what will happen. I don't want people to.... to start talking to me.

I ran through the school, towards where my next class was and hid in the bathroom nearby. Looking in the mirror, I watched as the tears slowly slid down my cheeks.