Sequel: Summer Shadows

Winter Wakes

Thirty Three.

“Katie, I need a favor.”

The petite southern blonde looked up from her Theatre book, gracing me with a curious glance. She didn’t respond for a moment, carefully shutting her book before stuffing it in her bag. I fidgeted with the pen in my hand, popping the cap on and off repeatedly.

“What’s up?” She asked lightly, crossing her arms.

I shift my gaze; just beyond the glass wall a cold wind whipped through the trees, their bare branches quaking under the gusts. I needed Katie’s help; unfortunately I didn’t know how odd my request would sound. I knew it was going to seem downright strange, and probably be shot down within a millisecond of it leaving my mouth, but still, I had to try.

“You work in the office for the psychology department, right?”

There was a heavy pause, air quickly becoming stale and unwelcoming between us. I expected that. I really did. I wondered what was going to seem more ludicrous to her, what I was going to request, or what she was thinking I would say.

“Maggie… If you’re about to ask me to get you the answers to a test, go on and stop now. I’m not risking my education for you, I’m sorry,” She stated tersely, eyes hard.

I shook my head. “No, no, no. It’s nothing like that. I swear. I would never ask you to do something like that.”

“You realize there are a lot of things I can lose my scholarships for, right? If I so much as seem to sway from what they ask me to do, my college career here is over. There isn’t anything I would risk that for, Maggie.” She said, digging through her bag for the book we were reading in Women’s Studies.

I sighed, looking at her steadily. I had something that might work, something I honestly didn’t want to use. Katie wouldn’t understand otherwise though, it wouldn’t make sense to her. It was something she had said once, how she had reacted. Nearly a shot in the dark, I had no other choice.

“What about the chance to find out who put Oliver in a coma?”

There was a sharp inhale from Katie, her eyes widened momentarily before she lapsed into a state of silent shock. Her knuckles turned white as she grasped the book tightly; face slowly losing its color.

Bingo. That had hit the nerve I meant it to. I didn’t want to use Katie, I never had. I didn’t want to get her even the slightest bit involved. This was my problem, I needed to face it alone. But I also needed to find someone, and she was the best way. She was my last ditch effort, she was just for emergencies.

“You guys were close, weren’t you?” I asked softly.

There was a long pause as Katie stared at me from black-rimmed eyes; I was uncertain of if she was looking at me, or through me, or even if she was seeing me at all.

“You remind me of him, you know,” She stated, heaving a sigh. “You remind me so much of Ollie. You’re reckless, a little aloof at times, disliked by the same crowd he was, and you even seem to care for that heartless bastard brother of his. I think that’s why I like you so much; I almost feel like I have my best friend back when you’re here.”

I just watched her, a trickling feeling of pain sweeping through my system.

She looked down, idly flipping through the pages of her book. “We met first semester in Public Speaking. We got paired up for a project, and hit it off. He was like a little brother to me, one I could take shopping, talk to about all kinds of things, and he didn’t make fun of me for my accent, just like you. No one else wanted to pair with him though, I mean, he was the dean’s kid, and he was gay, so they treated him like a pariah. The complete opposite of his brother. I never understood that, Maggie. Oliver was always the kinder one, and I don’t see how they didn’t see that. There was nothing wrong with him. If either one of those twins deserved to be exiled it was his damn brother; he was a pretentious asshole. Ollie was sweet, kind, and just a great kid.”

She seemed to choke, closing her eyes as she raised a manicured hand to push her hair back from her face. “You have no idea what it felt like to hear he had been in an accident, Maggie, and that he was in critical condition, that he was in a coma and they had no idea when or if he would wake up. All the while, all I could think was, is this really an accident? I didn’t want to believe it, but, it wasn’t, was it?”

I felt awful, watching Katie slowly fall apart was miserable. I hurt more people trying to help one than I knew I could, Katie was just another casualty.

“I don’t think so, no,” I confirmed. “And I’m going to find out, I promise. But I’m going to need your help.”

“Why? What the hell do you think I can do, Maggie?” She snapped. Her sadness was boiling into frustration, and I tried not to take her sharp tone too personally. I brought to the surface something she had kept suppressed for some time, something painful and raw; she had a right to break.

“Because I need to find someone. You’ve got access to the class rosters. If I give you a name, could you get me the classroom and the period?”

“Do they know something?” She asked, looking up with red-rimmed green eyes.

I nodded. “I think they know a lot, actually. If I’m right, they were physically involved.”

“Give me the name,” She demanded.

I could see the rage boiling in her eyes; it was a look I had never received from Katie. I shook my head, biting my lip as I heaved a sigh. “You have to promise me you won’t go hunt them down, confront them, or say anything. I need to handle this, Katie.”

“…I won’t.”

“Promise.”

She seemed to lock up, unwilling to comply, then. “I promise.”

“George Max,” I stated coldly.

Katie’s face morphed to one of a sublime rage I had never seen, lips pursed together tightly as she stared at me, body tensing. I found myself feeling uneasy, uncertain about just what I had handed her. What exactly would Katie do with the information I had given her?

She moved slowly, putting her book back up before zipping the back shut. She stood, face a blank, hard mask. “I’ll have it by four tomorrow.”

With that, she turned towards the doors of the theatre building.

“Katie?” I called. “We’ve got class in twenty minutes, where are you going?”

“I’m not going today. I need some alone time. Take notes for me.”

I felt hollow, watching her hastily cut across the campus until she was out of my sight. Had I just destroyed another friendship, broken another soul? That was all I seemed capable of doing lately.

I dropped my head into my hands, closing my eyes as I tried to hold it all together. There was a surge of misery resonating throughout my body; my sleep was restless, stomach churning violently against food most of the time. Simon still wasn’t back, and now I had possibly ruined things with Katie as well. I was good at destroying things I cared about; I could see the trail of shattered hearts left in my wake as of recently. Was I an awful person?

“There you are, Ms. Walton. My, my do I have some news for you,” Dr. Davis’s chipper voice called from behind me. I turned, looking over the back of the couch to see him waddling his way down the stairs, briefcase in hand. I mustered the best smile I could at the sight of him, offering a limp wave.

“What kind of greeting is that for your favorite professor?” He scoffed. “I mean, I was going to give you an A in all of my classes, but if that’s all the thanks I get…”

My brow furrowed as he shrugged, trudging past. “Dr. Davis, what?”

He stopped, turning with an amused smile, droopy eyes twinkling.

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten our little agreement.”

I paused, thinking. And then it hit me. I looked up quickly, eyes widening. “You mean, I got the part?”

“Yes, darling Cordelia, you made the cut,” Dr. Davis confirmed. “You blew them away with your audition, and I must say, I too was quite impressed. I haven’t seen that much emotion from you in any of our class sessions.”

The elation I felt with his news was quickly extinguished by the freight train of pain that hit with the second part of his statement. The reason for my emotional breakthrough was nowhere to be found.

“Oh, come now, don’t look so glum, you just basically got the lead female role in Brown’s spring play!”

“Yeah, I know,” I faked a smile.

Dr. Davis didn’t seem convinced. He sighed, shaking his head as he turned. “Practice starts a week from now, so next Monday in the auditorium. Four o’clock. Don’t be late.”

I looked back towards the window, picking up my bags after a few seconds. It was time to get ready for Women’s Studies. Out in the cold my mind was everywhere but on the play, and the practices that started seven days from then.

There was one thing Dr. Davis and I didn’t consider at that point, something that never crossed my mind. A lot can happen in a week; a lot can change.

**

In the dead of night the sky outside my window was pitch black. No moon to cast the trees’ shadows on my walls could be seen. It was just me wrapped in my comforter, unable to sleep in the silence of the evening.

Every night was the same thing; I’d fight off thoughts of Simon, chaotic wonderings about my feelings towards him, and all else until my brain finally shut off from exhaustion. Falling a sleep by three was a good night for me now; still a far cry from healthy. My breaking point was getting much too close for comfort. It felt like I had no other choice but to bottle everything up; keep it all under wraps. Who would believe a girl who came to them babbling about the ghost of a boy who had been murdered and her attempts to uncover the truth behind the matter? It sounded psychotic, ridiculous. So I had to keep it all caged; there wasn’t another choice. I felt like I’d even exposed too much by dropping a tiny truth to Katie earlier that day.

I rolled over, and with a soft shudder, and a gasp, froze. I stared wide-eyed at the door as my heart started a frantic thumping against my ribcage. A sharp stab of alertness hit me like a bullet. He held my gaze; ice blue eyes I’d only been able to dream of watching me emotionlessly from in front of the door that led out of my room. His hands were behind his back as he leaned against the wooden surface; pale and glorious, face void of anything readable.

Slowly, he moved across the room, looking away from me and focusing on the window I had just been staring out of. He leaned forward, weight of his body resting on his hands as he placed them on the window seat. His curls hung around his face, obstructing his eyes from my view. I wasn’t sure of what I felt as I watched him, happy, confused, surprised, sad, frustrated; it was all there. I sat up, pushing my comforter back slightly.

“I didn’t think you would come back,” My voice barely above a strained whisper.

“Where else would I have to go?”

“I was worried, Simon, I—“

“Please cut the bullshit, Maggie,” He cut me off, voice like razors. “I thought you, of all people, I could trust. But I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

“You…no. I’ve just had a lot on my plate, Simon. What I said to you in the parking lot—“

“You’re just like them, you know. You keep secrets from me, you lie to me, you’ve even used me. Jesus, it’s fucking George and Felicia all over again with you.”

Those words sent a reverberating trace of shock down my spine, brain locked up for a moment as I tried to process just what he said. When I did, it was a sharp searing pain, deeper than flesh, deeper than bone. Was I really as bad as they were, is that what it seemed like to him?

“I asked for your help, and you ran, you pushed me away,” He spat.

I swallowed the putrid ball of pain in my throat, fingers squeezing the comforter. I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t. “Have you ever wanted to protect something, or someone? So much you’ll do whatever it takes to keep them safe?”

“Really? Is that your brilliant excuse?” Simon snapped, I could see his figure striding towards me, hasty, angry steps hitting the floor. He loomed over me, presence heavy and dark.

“I’m still trying to solve this, Simon. That’s not a lie. But I want to know the truth before I let it out. I don’t want to hurt anyone more than I have to. I have secrets, and yes, I’m keeping things from you. But honestly if I didn’t care I wouldn’t be doing this,” I stated softly. “I’m going to destroy a lot of people, Simon, and I don’t want you to be one of the casualties. So please, just trust me for now. I know that’s hard, and I know I’ve given you no reason to, but I’m begging you. Just stay with me for a little while longer, please?”

“So she admits she’s keeping secrets,” He chuckled darkly. “And then, expects me to trust her. Isn’t that just charming. I thought we were in this together, Maggie. But I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

“How far would you have gone to protect your brother, Simon, tell me that why don’t you?” I snapped. “Would you have kept secrets, for him or from him if it meant keeping him from pain? Or would you have blurted them without a second thought and watch him break and shatter?

“Because if you want to know the truth, I can’t stand the mere thought of seeing you suffer anymore than you have. You have fallen apart before my very eyes, Simon, and I’m wondering just how much more it’s going to take before you’re split into so many shards there is no hope of ever piecing you back together, or seeing you smile again. I don’t want that. I don’t want you to become an emotionally and physically dead being. I want you to be happy, I want you to be okay, and I just can’t stand watching you writhe in misery.

“Let me keep my secrets, and let me do this my way. Let me keep you safe.”

Simon’s eyes were alight with emotion as he stared down at me; I met his gaze, desperate and pleading, near tears. I reached up slowly, cautiously my outstretched fingers brushed the cool air where his cheek should have been.

“I can’t even do that, Simon,” I whispered. “How am I supposed to hold you or comfort you when it all comes to the surface? I can’t. Right now I’m doing the only thing I can to protect you, and I don’t want you to hate me for it. All that I’m doing right now, it’s all for you, you have to understand that.”

Slowly, his face began to soften, eyes dulling to a saddened gaze. His hand, too, moved. Gently, his cool fingertips lingered on the back of mine. The sensation of being able to be touched, but never touch was one of the worst, most defeating sensations I would ever face. It was a curse, a form or torture incomparable to everything else.

“I’m sorry,” I sighed. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“Why are you trying to protect me?” He asked.

I broke our gaze, only for a second to try to shake back some tears. “Because you need it. Despite what everyone else thought, despite you having them completely fooled, you haven’t tricked me, at all. ‘Don’t make me face this on my own,’ you said that, right?”

Simon said nothing; I went to lower my hand, but his cold grip stopped me. It wasn’t violent; it wasn’t rough, but firm and gentle. His cool fingers squeezed mine lightly, my heart aching with his touch.

“I’ll tell you everything soon, I promise. But for now, just let me handle this by myself, okay?” I asked quietly.

“You’re unfair, Maggie, you know that?” He scoffed softly. “Why can you be there for me, but I can’t do the same for you?”

“Life isn’t fair, Simon,” I smiled bitterly.

The wave of exhaustion that had been chasing me so vehemently the past few days finally caught up, hitting me with the force of a tsunami. My eyelids were dead weights I struggled to keep open, hand heavy in Simon’s. Slowly, it slipped from his grasp, falling beside me on the bed as I stared blankly at the wall on the far side of the room. It was too hard to think, to hard to ignore the call of sleep. I felt a soft hand on my scalp, looking up slowly I found Simon dejectedly smiling at me.

“Go to sleep, Maggie. You need it.”

I nodded, completely unable to even try to argue. One thought struck me though. “You’ll be here in the morning, won’t you?”

Simon paused for a moment, then nodded. I watched as he slowly bent down, hand that was atop my head sliding to my left cheek. Hesitantly he leaned in, placing a light kiss on my right. My heart fluttered; face flushing as I processed what he had done.

“Don’t keep me waiting too long, okay, Maggie? You’re the only thing I have right now,” His voice was soft, kind. “You’re the first person to ever want to protect me, so, thank you.”

I gave him a sad smile before curling up in my comforter, eyes falling shut immediately. Soon he would find out the truth about his murder, and his brother’s situation. Soon it would all come to light. The only thing I’d be left hiding were my feelings for him. Felicia's observation had been dead on; I was indeed in love with Simon Dreyton.

If I’d have known that my opportunities to tell him where so numbered from that moment forward, I wouldn’t have let them pass through my fingers like grains of sand.
♠ ♠ ♠
I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me...

-Trading Yesterday

Here, creep me on Twitter. Occasionally I'll post a line or something from a chapter I'm working on (new thing I decided to start doing today while I was writing): Tweet Tweet.

Actually, this is up sooner than I thought it would be, and surprise surprise! Things are finally winding down with the story. So, comments, questions, concerns? I appreciate all forms of feedback. <3