Surrender Your Heart

The next day was weird for Kylie and Matt. The guys were in Malibu again, and Kylie had to be with Squire so there was no surprise visits in the middle of the day. The two sent text messages throughout the course of the day, and unfortunately, that had to be enough.

Matt was worrying when Alex came over and sat next to him. “So,” the singer said, “is Kylie coming up today?”

Matt shook his head. “She has to be in the studio with Squire all day. She’s going to try and come up later tonight though if they get finished early.”

Alex nodded, but didn’t say anything else. Matt could tell he wanted to but was holding back. “What?” the tour manager asked, aggravated that Alex wouldn’t just tell him what he was thinking.

He shook his head. “Nothing, it’s just…” he trailed off, not sure how to say what he wanted to say. “I know how it is to be in a long distance relationship dude. It’s hard, and when it starts getting hard before the long distance even comes in to play, you should probably start to worry.”

Matt glared at him. Alex put his hands up in defense. “Okay, forget I said anything.” He stood up and walked away. That was twice now that Alex made Matt think about certain doubts that were stored away in the back of his mind, and the more he thought about them, the worse they got. He tried to ignore the doubts, but the harder it got to see Kylie, the harder it got to ignore them.

He shook the negative thoughts away and picked his phone up to answer Kylie’s recent text, asking him what he was doing. Sitting here, texting you and answering emails. Oh the excitement of being a tour manager. Haha.

He hit send and set the phone down. A few minutes later, it beeped. He opened the new message. Ohh, so fun. Least you aren’t sitting with Squire, who is either just being a bitch or PMS-ing. Not sure which yet.

Matt laughed and went to reply, but before he could his phone beeped with another new message. More bad news… Squire’s bitchiness had just become more abundant, and now it looks like we’re going for a late nighter. No late night trips to see you :(

Matt sighed. And the doubts just keep rolling in, he thought to himself. He hit reply.
Oh… okay. Call me when you’re on your way home or something?

Of course. We’ll do something tomorrow? Kylie was trying to stay optimistic. She didn’t want to see the disadvantages of their relationship. As long as she didn’t think of them, they weren’t there in her opinion.

Yeah, okay. Oh, and hey?

Haha, what?I like you.

I like you too. :)

Matt smiled at her text and set his phone down on the table. He sighed. He wanted to see Kylie. He wanted to give himself some reassurance, because as of right now, his optimism was pretty low.

***

For the next few days, it became increasingly difficult for the two to find time to visit. Inside, Matt was slowly starting to freak out and lose faith. Until Kylie called him on Friday. “Hey babe, what’s up?”

He shrugged. He was sitting at a table in the studio with Butch and the guys, bored because he had nothing to do. “Nothing; I’m bored out of my mind, and yet I can’t see you. What the hell?”

Kylie giggled as she pulled out onto a highway that she knew would lead her to Butch Walker’s studio. “I have a surprise for you. All you have to do is make a CD filled with good driving music, and I’ll see you in a little bit.”

Matt instantly perked up. “Where are we going?”

“For me to know and you to find out, love. I’ll see you soon okay?”

Matt nodded and they hung up. He went to work on his CD, smiling as he did so.

***

Kylie pulled into the driveway of Butch Walker’s house/studio a little while later. Matt was waiting for her outside. He walked over to the driver’s side door and she hopped out, hugging him tightly. He smiled. This was where she belonged, right in his arms. Neither could, or would, deny it. They were like a perfect fit. He kissed the top of her head and mumbled, “I’ve missed you.”

She smiled into his neck. “Ditto. But come on, I want to do this surprise thing!” She abruptly pulled away and hopped in her car with matt following closely behind.

“Where are we headed?”

“Not telling you!” She smirked and started the car. “Did you bring the CD?”

Matt nodded and loaded it into her CD player. He started the first track and Grand Theft Autumn by Fall Out Boy filled their ears. She grinned from ear to ear. “You know me too well, boy.”

Matt laughed and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “So you really won’t tell me where we’re going?”

She shook her head. “Not a chance in hell.”

Matt rolled his eyes and the two talked about their studio experiences from the previous days. “Squire’s still PMS-ing or something, and so he’s in a bitchy mood. It’s really great, because he just takes it out on me but not the bands. So I get treated like the bitch. He’s lucky I don’t quit for a day or something.”

Her boyfriend laughed. “You’d never quit, and he knows that. That’s why he thinks he can get away with treating you like shit for a little bit.”

Kylie pouted in her seat as she drove down the highway towards the south. The next song came on and it was The Future Freaks Me Out. Kylie smiled, because she and Matt had had this conversation so many times, it was unbelievable. They constantly went back and forth between if the future freaked them out or not; for Kylie, it was a no but for Matt, it was a definite yes. “You would put this on there.”

Matt just shrugged. While he knew what Kylie was thinking, he also put it on there because it was true; the future really did freak him out. It worried him, scared him… however you wanted to twist it, in the end, it freaked him out. He didn’t want the future to come.

“So how are things with Butch?”

“Pretty good. The guys are so stoked to be working with him, and it shows.”

“That’s good.”

Matt nodded, and the two fell into a comfortable silence. Matt rested his hand on Kylie’s knee, and she smiled. The next song came on and it was Sand in Your Shoes by This Providence because he knew it was one of Kylie’s favorite songs. She smiled as the familiar beat came through the speakers. She decided to pull over at the beach they were by and get out. Matt followed suite.

Instead of running up to the water like she usually did, Kylie let the sand get between her toes. She never got tired of the ocean. She loved it too much. Matt slung his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. They had been driving for an hour or so, and neither really knew exactly where they were. It didn’t matter though, and that was the point; Kylie wanted them to have a day off together where they could just drive, listen to music, talk, and stop in random areas. She just wanted to spend some time with Matt because the cold hard truth was sooner rather than later, Matt would be leaving. He’d go back to Baltimore, and who knows what would happen then? Kylie hated to think about it, so she tried not to.

Kylie had become quiet. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

She looked up at Matt, the worry still in her eyes. “I’ve been trying to forget the fact that you’re going to leave soon, but sometimes I can’t. This is one of those times.”

Matt frowned. “What do you mean?”

She sighed and pulled away, turning to face him and cross her arms in front of her chest. “I mean, standing here with you, I was really, really happy. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks: in so many weeks, so many days, you’ll be gone. It’s going to suck, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.” Kylie frowned and looked him square in the eyes. “What are we going to do?”

He stopped to think about it. “Honestly?” She nodded. “I don’t have a clue, Ky. I wish I had the answers, because then this would all be really easy. But I don’t. And to be honest? I’m freaking out.”

Kylie turned to face the ocean and plopped down in the sand. “I hate this,” she mumbled, resting her chin on her knees.

Matt sat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Yeah, me too; but not the falling for you part. The whole having to leave you part. That’s what sucks the most.”

“Can we not talk about it anymore? I planned this little trip to just drive and spend time with each other, but we’re both totally ruining it. So can we just not talk about you leaving for the rest of the time and enjoy the time we do have? I’d like that a whole lot more.”

Matt nodded and kissed her head. “Okay,” he said quietly. Unfortunately, he thought to himself, today wouldn’t be the only time they wouldn’t talk about him leaving. He had devised a plan to make the two of them enjoy the rest of his stay to the fullest and was determined to make it happen. He realized he needed to talk to the guys when he got back.

***

Kylie and Matt didn’t get back to Malibu until late that night. She dropped Matt off at the house they were staying in with a kiss and a promise to call him the next morning. He then went inside and searched for the guys. He found Rian first. “I need to talk to you and the guys, where is everyone?”

Rian shrugged. “I have no clue. Why, what’s up?”

Matt shook his head. “Guys!” he yelled out. “Alex, Jack, Zack! Living room, now!” It took a few minutes, but soon the three bodies appeared.

They all took seats and gave Matt questioning glances. “I have a favor to ask you guys, and it’s really important you do it.”

The four guys shrugged and nodded.

“I can’t have Kylie finding out about the date we leave okay? Can’t happen,” he stressed.
Rian was the first to question this. “Is that really a good idea Matt? She’s going to go batshit if no one tells her.”

Matt shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know if it is or not. But it’s what I’m deciding to do and so I need you guys to honor my request and by no fucking means tell her. Okay?”

The drummer shook his head. “This is a terrible idea, but fine. We won’t say a word. But count me out of your devious plan. All I have to know is to not tell Kylie when we leave.” He stood up and patted Matt’s shoulder. “I hope you know what you’re doing,” he mumbled as he walked by.

Alex stood up too. “Yeah, this is probably a really fucking stupid idea Flyzik, but whatever. It’s your girlfriend drama, not mine.” The singer waved to the group and said night as he walked by.

Jack and Zack agreed with Rian and Alex but also agreed to not say a thing. The room was suddenly empty, except for Matt. He rubbed his eyes. He knew he had to do this; he knew Kylie couldn’t know when they left. He knew that when they left, the goodbye had to be quick. His previous relationships have never worked out, no matter how hard he tried. Because of his job, a relationship just never seemed realistic. This was no different, no matter how much he wanted it to be. He was going to have to just leave when it was their time and end the relationship then… it would be quick, and if he was lucky painless. Almost like ripping off a band aid.

As he walked towards his “bedroom” he continued to think about everything. People always say things will be painless when done quickly, like when you rip a band aid off… but it’s never painless when you rip it off quick. It fucking hurts. He knew he was stupid for thinking leaving Kylie unannounced would be painless, but he also knew that his options were limited and right now, he didn’t really have a choice.