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Sequel: The Pros and Cons of Loving ›
The Pros and Cons of Living
Part 5
Frank's POV
I felt the word seep into me, unable to let it sink into my head. I looked at Gerard, who stood up and walked over to our daughter. Our little daughter, with her blue eyes, and long curly hair. It seemed only yesterday that I was combing that hair, holding her, making sure nothing could ever harm her...and now this. I clenched onto the armrests, my knuckles turning white. This wasn't happening, this wasn't fucking happening.
"Daddy...I'm sorry...I didn't mean...I..." She burst into tears, falling into Gerard's arms. He stroked her hair, and I saw her tighten her grip on the back of his t-shirt. Her eyes opened, and she stared directly at me. I averted my eyes, looking down at the carpet, frowning. How could she do this? She knew about safe sex...she knew the consequences.
"Shh...Bella...it's okay....it's okay..." Gerard cooed in her ear, as the two of them sat down on the loveseat, Bella still wrapped around his waist. It reminded of me of how she used to wrap herself around his leg when she wanted something, or when she was afraid of the dangerous world outside our tour van. Now that dangerous world had encased her, and she was hurting. My baby girl, hurting, and I couldn't do anything about it. She looked over at me, her cheeks flushed.
"Daddy, please say something..." She whispered, as Gerard brushed a stray strand of hair off her face. I sighed, looking up into her face. God, those eyes. Those beautiful eyes that I had to fight to urge to give into so many times, those eyes that pleaded with me for that fucking pony. I had to say no, Gee wouldn't. Now these eyes were pleading with me once more...and I couldn't ignore them this time.
"Bella...I don't know what you want me to say..." I croaked out, cursing my voice for breaking. Why now? Why when I had to be the responsible parent? She stared at me, blinking madly, her lip trembling.
"You're supposed to tell me that everything's going to be okay, and that you'll support me..." I put my face in my hands, rubbing my eyes. Oh god, please let me get through this, this wasn't fucking fair.
"How can I lie to you Bella? Things aren't going to be okay...you're going to have to drop out of school. There are expenses, you'll be stressed from everything..." I heard her sob into Gerard's chest, and curl herself up more on the seat beside him.
"Frank, we can afford anything for her...and she doesn't have to drop out...and we'll help her through it...Bella, honey...don't worry...but I really think that Matt needs to know...honey, call him." I sighed, as Bella sat up, running her fingers through her wavy tresses.
"Dad...we're in a fight..." She whispered, pulling her knees up to her chin. I walked over to her, and squished myself inbetween Gee and Bella.
"What happened?" I said quietly, wrapping an arm around her, kissing her cheek. She shook her head, disappearing beneath her curtain of hair. "Bella..." I ran my hand up her arm, and she looked over at me. "What happened baby?"
"He walked in on me kissing someone else...after we...did it." I felt my words catch in my throat, and I looked at Gerard, who opened his mouth immediately.
"Bella, you shouldn't have kissed someone else...I mean, you wouldn’t like it if you walked in on Matt and some other girl. It's the same thing, he is probably so upset that he walked in on you with a random guy-"
"It wasn't a guy dad...it was this....girl." I felt my mouth drop, and I looked over at Gerard, who had gone paler than usual. Bella pulled a cushion out from behind her and buried her face in it. I cleared my throat, chuckling slightly to myself.
"Good one Bella...you had us going there..." I looked at everyone else, expecting them to be laughing with me, but yet again...I was alone. Gerard stood up, shaking his head, pacing the living room.
"Bella...it's not....you shouldn't be....kissing another girl isn't....do you get where I'm coming from?" I pursed my lips as Bella emerged from the cushion, frowning.
"Are you saying that it isn't acceptable for two people of the same sex to kiss?! Is this coming from the FAMOUS Gerard Way, who has fucked his faithful guitarist, who is a fucking MALE!? Think about what you said Gerard, you fucking hypocrite!" Oh man...she was in for it now...
"You're my daughter! And I don't think that you should be...be...." Gerard stumbled on his words, as Bella sat up, fuming.
"A dyke?! A bisexual!? Please finish your sentence Gerard!" Slumping in my seat, I watched as Gerard began frantically cracking his knuckles.
"Stop. Calling. Me. Gerard."
"It's your name, isn't it?! You can call me Bella, but I can't call you Gerard? That seems unfair! Oh wait...life isn't fucking fair!"
"You've got that right princess!" Gerard yelled, his face turning a dangerous shade of magenta. "I've pampered you too fucking much for your own good! You learn that life sucks ass! And it's about time! Fuck!" He stormed out of the house, and we heard him start the ignition. Bella fell into my arms, sobbing. I cuddled her, wanting to make her stop. Suddenly, she fell silent, humming under her breath. My eyes widened as the lyrics caught up in my head.
"My heart stopped beating...such a softer sin...I'm melting....In your eyes...I lost my place...could stay a while...." I looked down at her, my entire body trembling.
"Bella...where did you hear that song?"
Aiden's POV
I sighed, sitting on the front porch. At least it wasn't me that cause the fighting and shit this time. For once.
I wish I hadn't gotten in a fight with my 'friends'. Now I've got nothing to do but stare at my worn in chucks. (So what if they're Dad's (Frank's)) old ones. They're comfy.) It is kinda funny to look at what Dad Gerard had drawn and written on them. I kept on forgetting to ask them why he drew the penguins from Madagascar.
Hahahaha. That movie was pretty funny.
God, could that guy be any hotter?
Shut up, Aiden.
Frank’s POV
Later That Night…
Bella refused to tell me where she heard “I Caught Fire”. In fact, she refused to say anything at all to anyone after that.
Gerard is so pissed at himself (apparently he thinks it’s his fault. I guess he made her have sex with Matt or something… dear God, it better be Matt’s. Surely the kiss was a one time thing.) and everyone else in the world that he won’t even stay in the same room with Bella. Or Aiden, actually. I don’t know what HE managed to do. I do know that Gerard was dragging him in and yelling at him when he got home and Aiden’s had this goofy smile on his face all day, despite how depressing things are inside our lovely house.
He either gets some sick pleasure from watching us suffer, he made out with someone, or he got laid.
‘Shut up, Frank. Your eleven year old son didn’t have sex.’
He’ll be 12 next week…
‘You were 16 when you and Gerard had sex for the first time.’
Well at least we didn’t get pregnant.
‘You and Gerard are such hypocrites.’
Kinda funny isn’t it?
Gerard’s POV
The rest of the night was utterly silent. Bella stayed locked in her room, probably crying. Frank stayed locked in our room, probably crying. Aiden left the house, probably to make out with that kid he was earlier. I sat on the couch thinking of Bert and my dad, not crying.
I hated silence. It was so… silent.
I heard movement and Frank came downstairs, eyes puffy.
“Hey, babe.” I said, opening my arms.
He came the rest of the way into the room, sat on the couch, and crawled into my arms. He rested his head on my chest and grasped one of my hands, squeezing it tightly. I kissed his hand, sighing.
“Is Bella okay?” he sniffed.
“She’s locked in her room.” I shrugged. “I’m guessing she is cause I heard her crashing things earlier. Now it’s just quiet though…”
“I heard her pacing.” He buried his head into my jacket, whimpering.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Gee.” He sighed.
“It’s a bad day.” I said, sighing again.
“It is…”
Bella’s POV
Two Days Later…
I felt bad about what happened to both of my Daddies, but I still couldn’t help but wonder if they were really gonna make me leave school. It isn’t like we don’t have money or something. Cause we have plenty of it. They haven’t even touched ¼ of all the money they have, and that’s INCLUDING all the money they set in trust funds for Aiden and I.
I mean, it isn’t like they couldn’t buy a babysitter. Or watch the baby themselves. All they do it sit at home and fuck anyway.
Gerard's POV
I just couldn't believe that Bella had kissed another girl, I couldn't bring myself to allow it. I mean, I know that I'm being entirely hypocritical, but she's my daughter. Maybe I'm just crazy for thinking that some fragment of my life wasn't fucked up. I spend more time in mirrors than any gent should, but I'm not so proud. I'd never be the one to brag about it...as I don't see myself as anything special. Sure, many girls lusted after the "famous Gerard Way" as Bella bluntly put it...but I'm really just me...once you break me down, I'm really nothing. Sighing, I look over at Bella, who is nervously tapping her black converse on the tiled floor. We're expecting a visit from Matt and his father...to work this whole thing over. She still hasn't spoken to me since our argument, but seems awfully chummy with Frankie. It's never been this way...I was always super close to her...now, I suppose it's just something else I've screwed up. Frank walked into the room, tightening his black tie, pacing the living room. Looking over at me, he nervously bit his lip.
"Bella, are you alright sugar?" Frank asked, kneeling down next to her. She looked through her sweeping side bangs and I noticed the added amount of black eye shadow she had adorned. Her once sparkling blue eyes seemed to be fried of their electric shimmer, and I could tell that she had been up all night.
"Yeah..." she muttered under her breath as the doorbell chimed throughout the house. The three of us looked at each other, trying to decide who was going to answer the door. Finally, I sighed, standing up and walking towards the foyer. Aiden was standing with the door ajar, his mouth hanging open as Matt walked past the threshold, a stone set look on his face.
"Hey kiddo..." Matt whispered, running his hand through Aiden's dark locks. I gulped as a man with long brown hair closed the door behind him, looking up at me with deep blue eyes. Those eyes that had once gleamed manic determination, eyes that had coldly hid behind closed lids, burning into my darling Frank's sanity. Burrowing their way in, and cascading his heart and body into a state of pain so intense, no one could cure him of his emptiness, not even me. Don't think I don't feel Frank hesitate, hear him gasp in his sleep, cry out in anguished sobs when he recalls the events in his head. Hell, I can't forget my own experiences with that man...I pulled Aiden closer to me, stepping in-between the man and my family.
"What do you want, McCracken?" My voice shook, as Bert shook his head, looking up at Matt, who was a good couple inches taller than him.
"Gerard, as I understand it...we have a bit of a situation between our children...this isn't about us...it's about them." I scoffed, leaning down to tell Aiden to run into the living room. He nodded, scooting into the other room, jumping onto the couch next to Frank.
"Fine....but you try anything...and I'll kill you." I opened my eyes wide, hoping he got the mention that I wasn't kidding. He nodded, coughing lightly into his hand. I led them into the living room, watching Frank retract onto the couch as he saw Bert. I noticed his hands slip around Aiden's middle, hugging him close to him, as though he was a teddy bear. Aiden turned his head to look at Frank, but bit back his contradictive remark as he saw the look on his dad's face.
"Hey Frank..." Bert muttered, sitting across from him on the reclining chair, his body perched on the very edge of the seat. Frank nodded quickly, his lip trembling. He gave me a pathetic look, pleading with me. I pitied my poor Frankie...and sat down next to Matt on the loveseat, Bella still swirling on the computer chair, eyeing us all in contempt. "So...it seems my dear Matthew has gone and done the exact thing I've taught him not to do...but now he's got to take responsibility for his actions..."
"Responsibility!?" Frank piped up, his voice abnormally high. "You...coming from you....he's your son! What the hell do we expect!?" I watched as Bert looked away, a pained expression in his eyes.
"Frank, I'm so sorry for everything that I've done....the many impudent uttering I mustered...but I'm a grown man, and I-"
"You were a grown man when you....you....get out of my house! GET OUT!" Frank began sobbing, Aiden awkwardly turning around and wrapping his arms around his neck.
"Frank, I-" Frank looked up, a rage filling his voice.
"I don't care! You and your son leave this FUCKING house, and never FUCKING come back! Gerard, make him leave NOW!" Frank let his bangs fall across his face, as though we could miss the massive amount of tears falling down his reddened cheeks.
"Look, I came here to sort this out! If you don't want Matt and me around, fine! He's not going to see your daughter, we won't bother you. We just thought....you know what...never mind....Never-fucking-mind." Bert stood up, obviously peeved. He stopped at Bella, and bent down next to her. She looked up, trembling. "I'm sorry this had to happen to you..." He ran a hand over her wrists, peering down through his hair at the cuts that ran up and down it. I pursed my lips, unable to watch my daughter's pain revealed. "A positive scab that's never healing...calloused hit me in the face...a burning bridge that's so misleading...poison's more potent now with the flame...Bella, take pictures for me, will you?" I was shocked as she nodded, wrapping her arms around Bert and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Frank jumped up from the couch, shoving Bert against the wall.
"Get the FUCK out of my house!!" Frank bellowed, watching as Bert gestured for Matt to get up as well. Matt looked downright pissed, as he slipped into his Vans.
"She's a fucking dyke now anyways dad...we're better off without this fucked up crowd anyways..." I felt my heart wrenching as he slammed the door, and we heard the car engine start. Bella stood up from her chair, elegantly towering over Frank.
"Dad...how....could you?" She whispered, her voice catching as tears of regret and anger seeped from her darkly lined eyes.
"Bella...you just don't understand...Bert-"
"Has been nothing but nice to me....he's the most generous and kind man I have ever met...and he understands his son....and..." She trailed off as Frank began crying again.
Bella's POV
I couldn't understand how this happened, how I could feel this horrible. I had never wanted to end my life like this, I had never wanted to simply cease breathing, stop feeling. Anything was better than the agony scorching at my soul, prying its cold, ruthless hands at my throat. I felt the hot tears burn my otherwise chilled cheeks, the autumn wind crisply cutting away into my pale complexion. I felt my hair tangle within it's own curls, and let out a low growl. That was it, something needed to be done, anything to kill this venom in my heart, distract me from this fucked up life I lived. I trumped through the downtown area, and forced a door to a local salon open, slamming my fist down on the front desk.
"Can I help you?" The woman uttered, taking a side glance at my attire.
"Yes, I want a fucking hair cut." I stated, as she nodded, ushering me into a seat in front of a mirror. I stared at the person in the mirror, her hair windswept, her makeup smeared. Do you know what it's like to feel ugly all the time? I do...I can't remember the last time I've seen my own eyes, or the color of my skin...The woman pulled a brush through my locks, and I turned around, looking her straight in the eye. "Take it all off...leave the bangs, I'll straighten those...but other than that, cut away." She nodded, biting her bottom lip as she began chopping away at my long tresses. I'm staring in the mirror, looking back at the person I hate...
Later That Day…
As I walked back up the walk to my house, I ran my fingers through the now spiked up hair on the back of my scalp. Sighing, I pushed open the door, and was instantly greeted by Gerard, who was in tears. "Bella...baby, you're home....I was so worried...Oh, I was so-" He pulled away from me, looking at my hair, his eyes widening. "What. Did. You. Do!?" I bit my lip, looking at the living room as Frank fell off the couch.
"Holy Fuck! Bella! Your...your....you've always...WHY!?" He blurted out, the red in his eyes evident as he came closer to me. I shrugged, heading up the stairs. I didn't want to talk to them, I didn't want to talk to anyone...I wanted to be alone, away from this world.
Frank's POV
"Do you think we can still go and scoop up the bits of hair? Put them in a plastic bag!?" Gerard muttered hysterically, looking at pictures of Bella on the mantelpiece.
"I think it's a little late Gee..." I sighed, shaking my head. This was the worst day ever...and I meant it.
"But our baby...she's always had...those curls! And the memories of braiding that....and...she's never had a haircut, has she Frank?!" I rolled my eyes, sitting him down on the couch.
"No...but settle...you can still spike it for her..." He shook his head, looking up as Aiden pranced down the steps.
"I think Bella's head was run over by a lawnmower. She looks like you in that old video Momma Frank." He smiled, heading into the kitchen for a snack.
"Watch it loser!" I shouted, sticking my tongue out. Wow...am I mature or what?
Frank’s POV
“I’m not going.” Bella said firmly, not even sitting up in bed.
“Yes, you are.” I snapped.
“I’m not going to school.” She repeated.
“Annabelle Marie Iero-Way, get out of bed right now.”
“No.”
“Annabelle!”
She rolled over and pulled a pillow over her head.
I sighed and stalked out of the room. Gerard was curled on the couch, blinking at nothing.
“Bella won’t get out of bed.” I sighed.
He shrugged and continued to blink at nothing, pulling the blanket he had tight around him. I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair, kissing the top of his head.
Gerard's POV
Frankie sat by me on the couch, wiggling his way under the covers.
"Did you get Aiden up?"
"He already left."
He nodded and I wrapped my arms tight around him. We laid there silently until, two hours later, Anna came downstairs. Frankie sat up and watched her go into the kitchen.
"I'm gonna make sure she eats." he told me, standing.
"She's a big girl. She can eat on her own." I whined, reaching for him.
"I'll be right back." Frank ruffled my hair and also disappeared into the kitchen...
Frank's POV
I slinked into the kitchen, sliding into the seat across from Bella, watching as she shook her head, allowing the bangs to fall across her eyes. Sighing, I passed her the box of Fruit Loops, but she shook her head, putting her hands up on the table. I sighed, grabbing one and holding it. She looked up at me, tears forming in her eyes.
"You have to eat Bella..." She pouted, and I saw a lump rise in her throat.
"I feel too sick to eat Daddy..." I bit my lip, looking out the window and eyeing the path to the stables.
"Let's go for a walk baby..." I said, taking her hand and sliding open the door, stepping into my old Etnies. Bella shivered, and I pulled my sweater over her shoulders. She smiled, and slipped into her flip-flops. We kicked dirt up as we made our way to the barn, Bella opening the stall and wrapping her arms around the horse.
"I love you Daddy...I'm sorry I cut my hair..." I scoffed, leaning against the door to the stall.
"I love you too baby...and don't worry. I think it's fitting. I had that haircut...at one point in my life...Gerard just..misses the old Bella." She shrugged, and I saw her lick her lips.
"Perfect Bella...I really fucked up, didn't I?"
"I don't know...you're still my baby, and I love you Bella...but now you've got a baby coming...but know that no matter what, I'll love you..." She smiled, stepping out into the corridor and hugging me.
"Even if I'm not...straight?" I rolled my eyes, laughing in her ear.
"Darling, I am not a hypocrite. You can be whatever you want to be..."
"Dad...I don't like guys. They’re icky, and rude, and mean. But I can't be a lesbian...I just can't." She looked away, and I heard her sobs catch in her throat.
"Why can't you?" I asked, feeling her shudder.
"Because I'm having a baby...and because...I don't even...oh dad!" She fell into my arms, and I stroked the back of her head. I didn't know what to say...I couldn't tell her that it was okay enough...that I would always be here...but I think she knew that...
Bella's POV
I was laying on the couch, reading through this month's issue of AP, when the doorbell rang. Sighing, I stood up, and made my way over to the foyer. Rustling my hair, I pulled open the door, and my eyes fell on Nikki, the girl I had met at the party. She was running her fingers through her long, blonde hair. "Uh, hey..."
"Hey Annabelle...I wanted to apologize for what happened at the party, and I wanted to say that I was really sorry for what happened between you and Matt." She looked in the hallway, and stepped inside. I looked down at my faded Senses Fail tee, and bit my lip. If I knew that she was coming over, I would have changed, and put on more makeup.
"That's okay Nikki...if it was meant to be, a little thing like that wouldn't have mattered..." I shook my head, the bits at the back spiking up as I ran my fingers through it. "Do you wanna...go up to my room?" Oh shit, I really hope that she didn't take that the wrong way. She smiled, nodding, as I led her up the stairs.
"Your house is amazing Annabelle...I wish my parents were loaded like yours obviously are..." I bit my lip, opening the door to my room and letting her in.
"Thanks...um....Nikki...can I ask you a question?" My heart was really pounding now. But she was so gorgeous, it didn't even matter, but then, did that make it harder.
"Sure! Anything you want...I'm an open book...read me! But I warn you, the pages may be torn and frayed..." I smirked, looking over at the My Chem CDs on my shelf. If only she knew who was making dinner a floor below us...
"Were you...drunk that night? Like, totally drunk...or would you have done those things otherwise?" She smiled, leaning closer to me on the bed.
"Bella, if I was drunk then...it didn't matter. I'm not now, and I still think you're the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on... Now watch this, as I kiss your lips again..." I felt her hands on my face, and the scent of her perfume as her lips came closer to mine. I felt their supple nature press onto my own lips, and put a hand to her sheek, my fingers tracing her features. She let her hand slip down my neck, and trail down the front of my tee, stopping at the hem of my shirt. I felt her hands on my stomach, slowly creeping up underneath the black fabric. I pulled away, staring at her beautiful eyes, as she brushed my bangs out of my face. "Now my bloodshot eyes are burning...you're fucking amazing Bella..." I smiled, falling back into her, letting my fingers get tangled in her hair.
Aiden's POV
"Aiden, go and get your sister...it's time for supper." I groaned as Frank began nudging me with his finger, pouring the spaghetti noodles into the strainer. Mumbling, I trudged up the stairs, knocking on Bella's door.
"Get the fuck out. Dad says it's supper time..." There was no answer. "Bella..." Oh no, I knew that she hadn't been feeling well...what if...no, she wouldn't... "Bella! Get out here now!" I pushed the door open, and my mouth dropped. Bella was laying down in bed, next to some random girl I didn't know. The girl had her arm draped across Bella's hips, and my sister was kissing her neck. "Good...lord."
"AIDEN! uh..." Bella sat bolt upright, running her fingers through her short hair. "Um...this is Nikki." I gave a small wave, and made to leave the room. God...that is not something I need to see from my sister...especially when I'm about to eat.
"So, is she coming down?" Frank asked, setting a plate in front of me. Gerard was sipping coffee, reading Bella's AP, grimacing at a picture of him on page four.
"Yes." I said simply, shuddering as I heard giggling from the stairwell. Gerard smiled, looking at Frank and running a hand through his hair.
"At least she's happy now..." I rolled my eyes.
"If by happy you mean gay..."
"WHAT?!" Gerard shrieked, dropping the magazine in his sauce. Frank groaned, taking the book and setting it on the counter. Bella walked into the kitchen, hand in hand with that chick. She let out a loud scream.
"Oh my FUCKING god! That is GERARD WAY!!!! He's actually...in front of me...Oh my god....oh my GOD!" She jumped up and down, grabbing onto Bella's shoulder, turning to look at the fridge, where Frank was taking the milk carton out. "AND HOLY SHIT! It's Frank Iero! Oh my god! Am I dreaming?! Is this a prank!? Oh my GOD!!!" I covered my ears as she ran over to Frank and poked him. "It IS Frankie Iero..."
"And what's it to you...." Frank mumbled, setting the milk on the table. She giggled, sitting down next to Gerard, putting her head on his shoulder.
"I love you." He smirked, looking down at her.
"Honey, you are SO barking up the wrong tree...one, I am like...so much older than you...and two, Frank is my husband..."
"I know that. But I still love you. Can you sign my bra?" Frank fell into a fit of giggles, as Gerard passed the chick some cheese. Fuck...if only dad knew...and Momma Frankie too...