I Know Who You Are

I’ve often wondered, why does he disguise himself as a clown? Is this to show that he actually is a happy human being? Is this just because he doesn’t want the public to know what he truly looks like? Is he ashamed of his face? How did he become the way he is? Is he capable of being normal?

These are questions I continue to ask myself as I see that famous face peering at me through the T.V screen. Of course he’s not your typical criminal, he wears make-up for a start. He’s named ‘The Joker’. Everything about him is insane and psychotic and yet I still find him extremely fascinating.

I’ve studied the Joker since he committed his first crime right here in Gotham City, three years ago to be exact. At the moment he’s ‘in hiding’ I presume, well he hasn’t bee seen or heard of in 4 months which is unusual considering he’s always behind some big plan of mass destruction. You’d think myself, ‘the joker expert’ would know of all people what the joker is doing in the space of 4 months wouldn’t you? Well I can safely say I have no idea whatsoever. But I do have a hunch. I personally think, he’s planning his biggest plot in the history of Gotham crime. This is a thought I do not dwell on.

But still choose to learn everything about him. He intrigues me very much; our pasts are very much the same and I feel I can relate to him in some way. I feel like I can almost understand how he has become this way; I guess its all the research and shit that kinda plays in your mind. Deep down I feel some sort of sympathy for the clown; like … it’s not his fault he’s become the most feared man in Gotham. Like I said, we both have similar pasts so I can see where he’s coming from. However that still doesn’t make it right for the decisions he’s made. I mean I had a traumatic past but I worked through it. Well whatever the reason … I …. This is gonna sound crazy but I feel like I have a little Joker in me too. I know I know.

Oh my god, what the hell are you talking about?

Growing up as a child I was abused by both my parents and I was never told I was loved or cared for. I guess the abusing kinda showed that anyway. But when I was ten I was raped by father while my mom was working; which was a rare occasion, and he told me not to tell my mom. So for 3 years I was constantly raped whenever my father had the chance. The sick thing is, he told me he loved me more than my mom and that some day we would run away together. On my 13th birthday I sat at the top of the staircase and finally exploded with disgust and resentment. My mom and dad where on the sofa fooling around and I couldn’t take it. The fact I was being punished for something my parents were doing and that was all just a total lie. I stormed down the stairs and stood staring, rage filling every inch of my little body, they turned around my mom laying on top of my dad, both of them laughing in my face.

“Do you know what he’s been doing to me?!” I pointed to the lowlife that I call my dad.

My mother still laughing at me, lipstick smothered around her mouth. She looked like a prostitute. My dad stared at me impatiently and angry. I knew I wasn’t going to win this fight and to be quite honest I was too scared to argue knowing I would have to pay the consequences sooner or later even if I did win I would suffer for it so I decided to retreat to my so-called bedroom (. If you call a mattress and duvet a bedroom. ) In tears of embarrassment.

When I was 16 I ran away from home and was forced to sell my body as a way of surviving and also to feed my drug addiction. I’m not proud of it and it cost me nearly my life but I’ve been clean 6 years now. By the time I was 19 I was poor, ill, anorexic you name it. But a homeless shelter took me in and they provided me with support and love. I made friends and met new people with the same problems as me. Soon afterwards I was ready to start a fresh and I moved into a flat in Gotham City with my best friend Taylor, she also had a drug addiction but her childhood wasn’t nearly as fucked up as mine, but she understood and is like a little sister to me. So I got a job in a comic store to ya’know pay the bills and then I went to college and studied psychology and now …. Here I am.

I’ve had many cases, some so fucked up you can’t imagine but the joker truly is my favourite. He’s like my celebrity idol. Some like Paris Hilton, some like Johnny Depp but I no … I like the joker.