Creating Something out of Nothing
Chapter Ten
I don't need to deal with this bullshit, I thought to myself the next day. Before, I hadn't been sure if I was going to take this opportunity to go out of state for college [they had offered me a scholarship], because I wasn't sure if Zacky would shape up and be the person I would need him to be. I had already told them I would be coming, but I would've bailed on orientation and signing up for classes if Zacky had shown a change of heart.
Obviously, he hadn't.
So I decided that first thing the next morning, I would start packing my clothes and get ready to go. Although they wouldn't do me much good in a few months, they were what I had for now. My parents could send me money if I didn't get a job, plus I was sure I'd have some extra money from my scholarship checks.
I was on the third drawer [out of six] at my chest of drawers, sifting out what I'd take and what I'd leave, when there was a soft knock at my bedroom door.
"Come in," I said softly.
"Hey," said Matt when I looked up at him. He frowned at me. "What are you doing?"
"I'm packing, Matt. What does it look like?"
"Why? Where you goin'?"
"I'm going to that college that I got accepted to and offered a scholarship from."
"That out-of-state university you told me about?"
"Yep."
"But that's all the way in Florida! You can't go across the country!"
I shook my head at him while I packed some more. "I can and I will."
"But why?"
"Because I can't stay here! Okay? If I stay here, I'll be miserable."
"What about everyone that would want you to stay? What about Zacky?"
"What about Zacky! Fuck Zacky! Zacky's the asshole that I was depending on being here for me, whether or not we got together didn't matter. But he refuses to even act like I'm alive. So fuck him."
"What about the baby? Doesn't it deserve to know its father?"
"Sure it does. But if the father's just gonna be an irresponsible jackass, why should I put myself through the anguish and turmoil, as well as my baby? I've already been through heartache, I don't wanna put my baby's feelings through hell like that." A tear slipped out of my right eye, and upon seeing it, Matt wrapped his arms around me. I sniffled.
"I'm sorry. I just think Zacky should know that you're pregnant with his baby and that you're leaving."
"Oh, he'll find out I'm leaving. But he doesn't deserve to know that I'm gonna have a child that's his."
Matt sighed. "I'm done arguing with you about this." He let me go and looked down at me. "How 'bout you come over later for a movie? We can not talk about Zacky and watch some chick flick with some random hot guy you girls are into lately."
"You promise?"
"I promise." He smiled at me and I smiled at him.
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MATT'S POV
If Tammy wasn't gonna tell Zacky she was pregnant, then I was definitely gonna make sure he found out somehow. But I didn't wanna tell him, I didn't want anyone to tell him except Tammy. So I'd have to trick them into it.
I thought fast after Tammy said that Zacky didn't deserve to know, that she wouldn't tell him. I figured she wouldn't turn down a movie at my house, especially since she hadn't been doing too much lately. She was taking her vitamins and eating like her doctor told her to, staying away from strenuous activities, and she was anxious about learning the sex of the baby [we learned she could find out at about 14 weeks, and she was already at 12 weeks]. And after I left her house, I would call Zacky and tell him to come over, maybe twenty minutes after Tammy would come over. And that's what I did.
"Matt?" I heard Zacky's voice on the other end.
"Hey, man. How's it going?"
"I'm feeling pretty shitty. You're not gonna yell at me more, are you?"
"No, Zacky. Actually, I wanted to say that I'm sorry about giving you the cold shoulder. And I was wondering if you'd come over tonight so we can hang out and bond, just the two of us."
"No shit?"
"No shit," I said, chuckling.
"Okay, cool. About seven?"
"Perfect." Tammy would be at my house around 6:30.
"Alright, I'll see ya."
I hung up the phone, smiling like the Grinch. But I was hoping to get two people together, not tear them down.
END MATT'S POV
*******************************************************************************
I walked over to Matt's that night at around seven. I was running incredibly late because I had thrown up, but only a little, and afterwards, I felt like I should shower. I had a bag with about five DVDs that we could choose from along with the movie selection Matt already had. I walked through the front door, seeing that his parents' cars were gone, and letting him know that I was there.
"Hey!" I heard his muffled voice from upstairs. "Come on up."
I walked up the stairs and headed twoards his room. His room wasn't huge, but it wasn't small, either. It was the perfect size for his setup. King-sized bed, bedside table with drawers and a lamp, entertainment center with a big screen TV, dvd player, a game console [I could never tell them apart], and a stereo complete with speakers. He had a desk with a computer on it and a walk-in closet [as if he needed one] towards the far end of the room and a loveseat near the TV. Matt was standing at his tower of movies that he'd gotten for Christmas. He turned and smiled at me, waving me over.
"Hey! So what do you wanna watch?"
"I dunno. As long as it won't even remotely make me wanna cry. You know my hormones are on edge with this pregnancy shit."
"Yeah, at least you're not getting morning sickness anymore," replied Matt.
"Pregnancy shit? Morning sickness?" Matt and I looked over, he in shock and I in horror, towards the door where Zacky was standing. Dammit! What did I do to deserve this?
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Zacky and I were now sitting on the loveseat in Matt's bedroom. Matt had gone somewhere to give us privacy, even though it wasn't what I wanted.
I looked over at Zacky and his gaze was fixed upon the carpet, his palms were gripping his knees, and he was breathing heavily.
"Zacky?"
"I can't believe you didn't tell me." I winced. His monotone voice let me know that he was so upset he couldn't even yell at me.
"Zacky-"
"No, don't say my name. Were you ever gonna tell me, Tammy?" he asked, finally looking up to meet my eyes. But I couldn't meet his. "Look at me, dammit." He grabbed my chin, making my glassy eyes look into his shiny ones. We were both on the verge of tears but for different reasons. Me because I had hurt the guy that I loved, and he because I'd kept something from him. Something really important.
"I'm sorry, Zacky. I wanted to tell you, but-"
"So why didn't you? Why'd I have to hear it from you telling Matt?!" I flinched.
"Because you were being an asshole and I figured that if you didn't want anything to do with me, you wouldn't want anything to do with a baby."
"Tammy, don't you know that would die for you?"
"Just not the way that I want you to."
He sighed, letting go of my chin. "Were you just gonna hang around and get a bigger belly and hope I didn't notice?"
I decided that now wasn't the time to tell him I was moving across the country. I was packed, confirmed, and ready for it. I wasn't gonna let him interfere.
"Can you asnwer me, Tammy?"
"I can't be what you want!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I can't be the perfect fuck buddy that can detach herself from her emotions to just have sex with you! I can't be the perfect whore that doesn't ask questions or wonder about your life. I would've been happy being just friends, but I don't even think we can do that now." I was sobbing now, tears steadily running down my face.
"Why not? Why can't we be friends? And have this baby and raise it and be friends?"
"Because I can't trust you with my emotions, and I certainly can't trust you with my baby's-"
"Our baby's-"
"My baby's emotions. I can't dare put my baby at risk for even a heartache half as horrible as the one you've put me through."
"I told you from the beginning-"
"No, Zacky! I'm not talking about the part where we agreed that we'd never be more than fuck buddies! I'm not talking about me falling in love with you and you not liking it! I'm talking about how you treated me like I was the scum on the bottom of your fucking shoe when all I did was be honest with you, like friends are. I was completely willing to accept the fact that you weren't in love with me and put my feelings aside to go back to being friends. But now that I know that you're an insensitive prick that doesn't care about anyone but himself, I don't want my baby around that kind of person."
"You can't keep me from my child!"
"It's gonna be pretty hard for you to see it."
"Why's that?"
I hesitated. I didn't want him to know I was leaving yet. I didn't want him to know until I was gone. So I walked out and didn't look back. Not even when he yelled for me.
Obviously, he hadn't.
So I decided that first thing the next morning, I would start packing my clothes and get ready to go. Although they wouldn't do me much good in a few months, they were what I had for now. My parents could send me money if I didn't get a job, plus I was sure I'd have some extra money from my scholarship checks.
I was on the third drawer [out of six] at my chest of drawers, sifting out what I'd take and what I'd leave, when there was a soft knock at my bedroom door.
"Come in," I said softly.
"Hey," said Matt when I looked up at him. He frowned at me. "What are you doing?"
"I'm packing, Matt. What does it look like?"
"Why? Where you goin'?"
"I'm going to that college that I got accepted to and offered a scholarship from."
"That out-of-state university you told me about?"
"Yep."
"But that's all the way in Florida! You can't go across the country!"
I shook my head at him while I packed some more. "I can and I will."
"But why?"
"Because I can't stay here! Okay? If I stay here, I'll be miserable."
"What about everyone that would want you to stay? What about Zacky?"
"What about Zacky! Fuck Zacky! Zacky's the asshole that I was depending on being here for me, whether or not we got together didn't matter. But he refuses to even act like I'm alive. So fuck him."
"What about the baby? Doesn't it deserve to know its father?"
"Sure it does. But if the father's just gonna be an irresponsible jackass, why should I put myself through the anguish and turmoil, as well as my baby? I've already been through heartache, I don't wanna put my baby's feelings through hell like that." A tear slipped out of my right eye, and upon seeing it, Matt wrapped his arms around me. I sniffled.
"I'm sorry. I just think Zacky should know that you're pregnant with his baby and that you're leaving."
"Oh, he'll find out I'm leaving. But he doesn't deserve to know that I'm gonna have a child that's his."
Matt sighed. "I'm done arguing with you about this." He let me go and looked down at me. "How 'bout you come over later for a movie? We can not talk about Zacky and watch some chick flick with some random hot guy you girls are into lately."
"You promise?"
"I promise." He smiled at me and I smiled at him.
*******************************************************************************
MATT'S POV
If Tammy wasn't gonna tell Zacky she was pregnant, then I was definitely gonna make sure he found out somehow. But I didn't wanna tell him, I didn't want anyone to tell him except Tammy. So I'd have to trick them into it.
I thought fast after Tammy said that Zacky didn't deserve to know, that she wouldn't tell him. I figured she wouldn't turn down a movie at my house, especially since she hadn't been doing too much lately. She was taking her vitamins and eating like her doctor told her to, staying away from strenuous activities, and she was anxious about learning the sex of the baby [we learned she could find out at about 14 weeks, and she was already at 12 weeks]. And after I left her house, I would call Zacky and tell him to come over, maybe twenty minutes after Tammy would come over. And that's what I did.
"Matt?" I heard Zacky's voice on the other end.
"Hey, man. How's it going?"
"I'm feeling pretty shitty. You're not gonna yell at me more, are you?"
"No, Zacky. Actually, I wanted to say that I'm sorry about giving you the cold shoulder. And I was wondering if you'd come over tonight so we can hang out and bond, just the two of us."
"No shit?"
"No shit," I said, chuckling.
"Okay, cool. About seven?"
"Perfect." Tammy would be at my house around 6:30.
"Alright, I'll see ya."
I hung up the phone, smiling like the Grinch. But I was hoping to get two people together, not tear them down.
END MATT'S POV
*******************************************************************************
I walked over to Matt's that night at around seven. I was running incredibly late because I had thrown up, but only a little, and afterwards, I felt like I should shower. I had a bag with about five DVDs that we could choose from along with the movie selection Matt already had. I walked through the front door, seeing that his parents' cars were gone, and letting him know that I was there.
"Hey!" I heard his muffled voice from upstairs. "Come on up."
I walked up the stairs and headed twoards his room. His room wasn't huge, but it wasn't small, either. It was the perfect size for his setup. King-sized bed, bedside table with drawers and a lamp, entertainment center with a big screen TV, dvd player, a game console [I could never tell them apart], and a stereo complete with speakers. He had a desk with a computer on it and a walk-in closet [as if he needed one] towards the far end of the room and a loveseat near the TV. Matt was standing at his tower of movies that he'd gotten for Christmas. He turned and smiled at me, waving me over.
"Hey! So what do you wanna watch?"
"I dunno. As long as it won't even remotely make me wanna cry. You know my hormones are on edge with this pregnancy shit."
"Yeah, at least you're not getting morning sickness anymore," replied Matt.
"Pregnancy shit? Morning sickness?" Matt and I looked over, he in shock and I in horror, towards the door where Zacky was standing. Dammit! What did I do to deserve this?
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Zacky and I were now sitting on the loveseat in Matt's bedroom. Matt had gone somewhere to give us privacy, even though it wasn't what I wanted.
I looked over at Zacky and his gaze was fixed upon the carpet, his palms were gripping his knees, and he was breathing heavily.
"Zacky?"
"I can't believe you didn't tell me." I winced. His monotone voice let me know that he was so upset he couldn't even yell at me.
"Zacky-"
"No, don't say my name. Were you ever gonna tell me, Tammy?" he asked, finally looking up to meet my eyes. But I couldn't meet his. "Look at me, dammit." He grabbed my chin, making my glassy eyes look into his shiny ones. We were both on the verge of tears but for different reasons. Me because I had hurt the guy that I loved, and he because I'd kept something from him. Something really important.
"I'm sorry, Zacky. I wanted to tell you, but-"
"So why didn't you? Why'd I have to hear it from you telling Matt?!" I flinched.
"Because you were being an asshole and I figured that if you didn't want anything to do with me, you wouldn't want anything to do with a baby."
"Tammy, don't you know that would die for you?"
"Just not the way that I want you to."
He sighed, letting go of my chin. "Were you just gonna hang around and get a bigger belly and hope I didn't notice?"
I decided that now wasn't the time to tell him I was moving across the country. I was packed, confirmed, and ready for it. I wasn't gonna let him interfere.
"Can you asnwer me, Tammy?"
"I can't be what you want!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I can't be the perfect fuck buddy that can detach herself from her emotions to just have sex with you! I can't be the perfect whore that doesn't ask questions or wonder about your life. I would've been happy being just friends, but I don't even think we can do that now." I was sobbing now, tears steadily running down my face.
"Why not? Why can't we be friends? And have this baby and raise it and be friends?"
"Because I can't trust you with my emotions, and I certainly can't trust you with my baby's-"
"Our baby's-"
"My baby's emotions. I can't dare put my baby at risk for even a heartache half as horrible as the one you've put me through."
"I told you from the beginning-"
"No, Zacky! I'm not talking about the part where we agreed that we'd never be more than fuck buddies! I'm not talking about me falling in love with you and you not liking it! I'm talking about how you treated me like I was the scum on the bottom of your fucking shoe when all I did was be honest with you, like friends are. I was completely willing to accept the fact that you weren't in love with me and put my feelings aside to go back to being friends. But now that I know that you're an insensitive prick that doesn't care about anyone but himself, I don't want my baby around that kind of person."
"You can't keep me from my child!"
"It's gonna be pretty hard for you to see it."
"Why's that?"
I hesitated. I didn't want him to know I was leaving yet. I didn't want him to know until I was gone. So I walked out and didn't look back. Not even when he yelled for me.