Chase Me

He really had me at hello. As corny as it sounds, it was true. The moment those deep, chocolate swirls met mine. As soon as he sent that dazzling smile my way. When his beautiful voice travelled through the air between us and reached my ears, I knew I had to have him. No matter what it took, I would have him. I was never the popular kid in school, and it still boggles my mind how I managed to do it. He was higher up in the ‘food chain’ than I was, yet he still noticed me that day. The way he acted so cool, so calm, so sophisticated. He spun me around, very literally, and kissed me then and there. Perhaps he had not become mine, but I had become his. Either way, I was happy. We didn’t hide our happiness, either. The whole town knew of us. What they didn’t know is what happened behind closed doors. Don’t get the wrong idea here. He loved me.. Oh yes, he loved me. But I was in love. And love can blind a person sometimes. What I didn’t see coming was that I would be just another boyfriend to him. Commitment issues? No. Did I not please him enough? Definitely not that. Did I bore him? I think not. I never really knew why he did it. He just appeared at my doorstep one day, took my face in his hands and kissed me softly. He uttered the words “I have to leave you now, Ryan. I’m sorry..”. And with that, he left me, his taste still on my lips. Of course, I broke down and cried. And cried. And cried. It didn’t do anything, of course.

And here I was. Standing outside, in the middle of the street, in front of his house. The sky rumbled above me, and I paid no attention to the rain beating down upon me. My vision was fixated on the window of the second floor. His room. The light was on, and I suspected that he laying there, carefree upon his bed. All thoughts of me had probably slipped his mind by now. I mean, it had been at least 4 months. I just didn’t know when to let go. I had thought our love would go on forever. But people can be wrong about things. And I definitely was. The rain masked my tears, though. I was freezing cold. Shaking from the cold and the sobbing, I brought a frozen hand up and pushed away my wet bang. “Do you not miss me? Do you even remember what we had?” I asked nobody. Of course, I didn’t get an answer. I was beginning to get angry. More at myself then him. How could I have been so stupid? Why didn’t I see that a pathetic, scrawny, eyeliner-wearing boy could never make it with the gorgeous creature that is Brendon Urie? He toyed with me. Lead me on. Then dropped me like a bad habit.

“I remember..” I spoke again. “I remember how I used to make you smile with my songs. That were all dedicated to you, by the way.” I spoke calmly in contradiction to the fuming thoughts raging in my head. “You would sing with me. Oh how your beautiful voice haunts my dreams.” A car passed by on the street a few feet away, probably not even seeing me in this miserable weather. That’s when I laughed. I laughed when old times came flooding into my brain. Happy thoughts I had long forgotten about. “I remember this one time when I caught you singing in the shower.. I had never heard your singing voice before because you wouldn’t let me. And it was exceptional. We had made plans. Big plans. To make it in this world as a band with our other friends.” My smile faded. “But now I guess that’s gone down the drain. The only place I’ll be seeing you is on old photos of us.” I wiped my running nose with the back of my sweater, not really caring anymore. I turned on my heels. In case you’re wondering, I do this almost every night. I’ll take a walk, and stop in front of his house. Maybe watch his window as he takes his shirt off, or sits at his desk doing homework. Call me a stalker, but.. I was still hooked. More tears threatened to fall as I began to walk back towards my house. I looked up, and my heart almost stopped.

Standing there, not even a foot away, was myex lover, Brendon. His hair was slightly damp, soon to be completely soaked out here. His eyes were soft and warm, watching me as I continued to break down inside and out. I was silent, now. And so was he. No one talked. I could smell his scent from here. That sickly sweet smell that always left me begging for more. I noticed he was dressed in nothing more than a t-shirt and black skinnys. When he did speak, it was just slightly above a whisper. “I looked for you… But you weren’t home.” He was looking for me? What did he want from me now? Hadn’t he done enough to me? I thought so. “Look at you.. All sad and whatnot, standing in the rain. Like some scene in a love story.” he rambled, his facial expression not changing from that smug-looking smile. I wanted to punch him. Cause him some form of pain so he could have a faint idea of the pain Iwas had experienced. But I wouldn’t. I didn’t want to taint the perfect human being in front of me, so I remained quiet, choking on my thoughts. “Follow me.” he said suddenly. Before I could form any words, he had taken off. He seemed to drift away ever so slowly, now far out of my reach. I scrambled after him, splashing water everywhere. I hadn’t even thought about it. I just obeyed him. “Come on, chase me.” he said, teasing me. Soon, he was out of view. He had dove into a trail behind some houses. And with the cloudy darkness, I couldn’t see where he had gone.

I tripped over something, and crashed to the ground, falling to my side. I whimpered quietly, my bottom lip quivering. I brought myself back up, gasping for air. “Brendon..” I muttered. Begging for him to come out of his hiding spot. I was back on my feet, wobbling from side to side almost. I opened my eyes and there he was again, wide eyes staring at me. “Bren..” I said his name again, and I even I couldn’t fully hear it. In mere seconds, I felt a warm body very close to mine, and knew it just had to be his. With my eyes half open, I studied his face. He wasn’t smiling anymore. He looked.. Concerned. Almost near tears himself.

“You’re silly, Ryan. You’re going to catch a cold out here.” His tone sounded.. Amused. And then.. Soft, warm lips were pressed onto mine, sending a chill through my whole body. I didn’t even want to ask what he was doing, how he could just come up and kiss me like this. I had missed this so much that none of that mattered right now. He broke away. “I missed you.. Ryan.. I was such an idiot. How I left you…. I..” he said, his voice fading. His brown eyes were glazed over, and I could just sense the sincerity in his words. “I was scared. I was really in love with you, Ryan, I swear. I still am, and I always will be. But .. I ran away. And if you don’t want me back, I can understand.” After all this time of being quiet, I had finally found something to say.

“I love you, Brendon. That love never went away.. Just promise to never leave me again. I can’t deal with not being in your arms. Not having your love…” I spoke softly. He nodded, raindrops running down his face. I finally found the nerve to bring a hand to his neck and pull him in gently, our lips meeting once again in a more passionate kiss. Our lips made small wet sounds as they disconnected and reconnected, moving together. Maybe I couldn’t fully trust him at the moment, but I was his again. And I was satisfied with that.