The Spotlight

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. The audience staring at me--no distractions. They looked as if they were blood hungry. I could imagine the fangs popping out, ready to eat me alive. My worst nightmares, all coming to life one by one by one. The throbbing in my temples refused to disappear. She stares at me, the host, and her blond hair looking picture perfect. She asked me a question. I think. How could I tell? How was I supposed to know with all of these people sitting here, hanging on my every word? Stars of the world handle this every single day. Why can’t I?

I could feel the panic attack setting in. It would only be seconds until I made a complete fool of myself on national television. I searched the sides of the stage quickly, looking for a friendly face. Just someone to mouth me an answer. Possibly a teleprompter. But there was no face, no answer, I was all on my own. And these problems I had to fix myself….

I could remember my first time in an interview as clear as day. It was almost like I was replaying that moment in time all over again. There was no one there to save me then, I should’ve known at that moment that Nick wasn’t the one for me. Then, I wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. But then I looked to my left, right above the interviewers shoulder, and there he was. This time, I wasn’t on my own. He was there to save me. He was the angel watching over me when I needed him. I watched as he nodded his head, as if I was supposed to respond yes to her question. I looked at him and responded.

“Yes.” I responded with a sudden sense of assurance.

"That's so lovely. I've met quite a few of your starlit friends myself, and they seem like real sweethearts." The interviewer, Mary, I think her name was, asked.

“Yeah, they are really great people. I think being in this industry, I’ve made a lot of great friends who I am most definitely thankful for. I don’t know what I’ll do without them. And then of course I have my friends from before all the fame who I know will always be there for me, and are equally amazing. I’ve got a great support system surrounding me, which is good for times like these.”

“Oh yes, everyone has heard about the recent accident involving you and your sister Nellie. How is she?” Mary asked, tilting her head in a concerned way.

“She’s doing so much better. Before you know it she’ll be out of the hospital and back on her feet again. And as a family we would like to thank the fans for all of their love and support during this trying time for us.” I said, and then flashes, images of the accident kept going in my head. I couldn’t focus on what was going on. All I could feel was the panic I felt when I saw Nellie lying there motionlessly. Why couldn’t I shake these images out of my brain? It was like pure torture with every second the images flashed through my mind.

“So, what exactly will be happening as far as the tour is concerned?”

“No worries, the tour is still on. Unfortunately, it has been postponed until my sister is back on her feet again. All the information regarding the tickets bought, and the new tour dates are posted on the tour website.” I said with a smile.

“And with that, we are going to go to a quick commercial break. Stay tuned!”

After the cameras stopped filming, I spoke with the host quickly and then clicked quickly over to the back of the stage. Nick was standing there with a smile on his face, my smile. He walked over to me and gave me a hug that I desperately needed. I could feel his lips kissing my hair. I could feel myself drifting away, getting lost in the moment. And then I took a deep breath, stepped back. I had to realize that I can’t do that. He’s not mine anymore. And after all that’s gone on, I’m not sure that I wanted him to be. Even after his life saving appearance here.

“You’re doing really great out there.” He said, throwing me a lop-sided grin.

“Thanks. And thanks for coming, I guess I did need someone to be here with me.” I said, and looked around in an attempt to avoid looking into his eyes. “So, I’m surprised Claire isn’t here. Where is the good for nothing witch?”

“Well, she--” Nick began, but was cut off by the stage managers announcing that I had to go back on stage.

He gave me a nod, as if he would talk to me later and I walked back onto the stage. I threw the audience a quick smile as I sat down, and the make-up people did a quick touch up. Soon enough the lights were back on me, and the cameras were rolling once again. The host smiled eloquently as she reintroduced me to those who might have turned the TV on while we were on commercial break.

The interview went on for a while, but the breaks in between takes got quickly shorter than that, and I hadn’t gotten a chance to speak with Nick any further. But he stayed none the less, with an encouraging smile on his face. He seemed proud. He seemed happy. And honestly, looking into his eyes it made me feel the same way. Finally, I waved to the audience as the interview ended, heading off of the stage. I felt Nick’s arms wrap around my shoulder, giving me a quick squeeze.

“I’ll meet you back in the SUV. You wouldn’t want people to see us together.” He whispered in my ear and quickly left my side.

I smiled at him as he walked away. It made me feel good inside to know that he would be waiting for me. I guess it’s just nice to have something stable going on in my life for a change. I walked over to my chair and grabbed my stuff. Looking in the mirror I smiled, for once I felt beautiful, like someone wanted me. It was definitely a nice feeling. Within minutes I was being ushered out of the building with security guards and whisked off into the awaiting SUV.

The second I stepped into the car I felt his eyes on me. I quietly pulled my hair behind my ear, and turned towards him. His eyes had a hint of a smile to them as he gave me a small smile. He was nervous to be alone with me. I was too. And looking at him, made me run out of things to say. Because I didn’t have the answers he wanted. Even after this I still wasn’t sure that we could even be friends. I mean what could I even say? For once I was out of words.

“You don’t have to say anything. I don’t expect anything.” He said looking at me. His eyes now held a tinge of pain. “I did a lot of things that I shouldn’t have, and I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me. But I don’t blame you in the slightest. I just wanted you to know that I’m going to keep trying even if it’s the last thing I do.”

“I forgive you.” I whispered, as I turned out the window.

“And that’s more than enough, that’s even more than I expected.” He said, sliding towards me. I felt a tingle run through me, as he grabbed my hand gently. “I don’t want to push you away. So if you need space, I’ll give you as much space as you need.”

“I don’t need space, just time.” I said, and turned to look back at him. “I want us to be friends. Just give me some time. Coming here today really meant a lot to me, it showed me that you really want to try. So, I’m willing to try too. But you have to be stable Nick, you can’t change how you feel towards me every day. I can’t handle that.”

“Chloe,” He said, looking into my eyes meaningfully. “I can be stable, I can stay by your side, and that’s what I’m going to do. I swear.”

By looking into his eyes I understood that he truly meant what he said. But as much as I had promised him that I would try, this was going to take time. A lot of it. He squeezed my hand once more and then let go. We were just pulling up to his house, and I looked at him as he got out of the SUV. He seemed determined to make things right.

“Chloe, I’m going to be by your side no matter what. I promise.” He said, and closed the door.