The Spotlight

I finished ironing the last strand of hair and looked into the mirror. My body just seemed to be growing larger and larger by the second. God. I had to get a handle on my weight. We were leaving for tour in only a week. On tour I would be wearing plenty of revealing clothes. And revealing anything was exactly what I did not want to do. Especially since I had still yet to be in good shape. I unplugged the iron and sucked my stomach. If only I could just stay like that. I pinched the fat on my arms and sighed. That’s it. I’d just have to cut down even more.

“No more food for you today. Water only.” I murmured.

I placed my hands on my stomach, and took another long glance. I needed to fix this fast. So much for having a beauty day, I needed to go to the gym. Frustrated, I put my hair into a high pony tail. Quickly I headed over to my room and slipped into a pair of shorts and a tang-top with a pair of sneakers. And I headed back into the bathroom once more. A muffin top seemed to have expanded over night. I sighed, and then I heard a loud knocking at the door. I waited a few seconds for someone else in the house to answer the door. But instead the knocking just continued.

“Can someone get the door!” I shouted. I had more important issues to worry about than whoever was on the other side of the door.

Still no one answered me back, nor answered the door. Groaning, I stomped down the steps. People in this house were so darn lazy. But then I caught a glance of a note that was on the kitchen table on the way downstairs. I picked it up and read it. Jenna had gone with Nellie to rehearsal to help her catch up and re-learn what she had missed while in the hospital. Meanwhile, Jack had gone to scout out some possible sites for a new record store. I heard another loud knock and put down the note. I took a deep breath and opened the front door to see Nick standing there. He looked frustrated, but instantly smiled when he saw me.

“Hey Chloe!” He said, chipper.

“Uh, hi Nick. What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I came to surprise you! Since you’ve been so busy lately visiting Nellie, I figured we could hang out now that she’s home.” He said, and gave me his signature Jonas smile.

“That’s really sweet of you but I was actually heading off to the gym, so maybe we should reschedule for another time.” I said, trying to shake him off. He was like a sock statically clung to me, and I just couldn’t get him off.

“Nonsense, I needed a work out anyway. Give me a minute and I’ll run home to change. Meet you at the gym in 10 minutes?” He said, his smile only wavering for a second when I was silent. I groaned internally but nodded in agreement. He gave me a wink and got back into his car.

I slammed the door shut when he pulled away. For goodness sake. Would the boy ever give up? I ran upstairs to grab the keys to my house, my wallet, and my cell phone. I guess I’d have to just humor him. I closed my eyes and rubbed the top of my lids. Truth is I had to work out anyway, so maybe having him there would give me the motivation to go that much harder while I was there. It wouldn’t be that bad, plus I needed to work out anyway. I walked outside and hopped on my bike. I pedaled over there and locked my bike just as Nick walked over.

“You ready for me to show you how a real work out is done?” He said, with a huge smile on his face.

“Give me a break,” I said, and shoved his shoulder. “Let’s go.”

He pulled open the door for me and I walked in, erasing his smile from my mind. Throwing a smile at the receptionist, I walked straight over to the mats where I would do my crunches to start off my routine. Nick followed closely behind, sitting himself facing opposite of me so when we sat up we would be looking at one another. I started right away and decent pace. He jumped in and began keeping the same pace. We were going for a little bit before he started trying to have a conversation while we were doing crunches.

“How’s Nellie doing now that she’s home?” He grunted.

“Fine.”

“So are you getting pumped for the tour?” He asked, with a smile on his face. “I was thinking of stopping by for a few concerts when our schedules fit. That way it won’t seem like you’re so far away all the time.”

“Yeah. Sounds nice.”

“Is Jack going to be coming with you guys on tour?”

“Yeah.”

“You guys are going to have a great time since you’ll be together as a family. That’s the best part of touring for me. Having all that time with the family.”

“Mhm.”

I grunted and tried to quicken our pace a little, and he kept up. His sweating increased in the process, he kept up though. I had forgotten how toned and fit he was. God. Another perfect body. No pudge. Perfect muscles. I hardly noticed that I had picked up my speed again until I noticed Nick was having a difficult time keeping up with me any more. Then he stopped, breathing deeply, and watched me. Calming myself I slowed down again, but he didn’t rejoin me.

“Um, why don’t we go hop on the treadmills or something? I think I need a break from crunches, my abs are on fire.” He said, lifting his tank top to wipe the sweat off of his face, revealing his chiseled abs. Nothing like motivation in the form of a hot ex-boyfriend with a gorgeous girlfriend. I did two more crunches and then sat up.

“Sure.” I said, and he stood up.

He reached out and grabbed my hand to lift me up as well. We walked over to the treadmills and picked a set right next to one another. I started slow but began raising my speed quickly. Nick attempted to keep up with me but ended up lowering his speed. I was doing a quite fast jog while Nick was doing a leisurely one. I counted my breaths making sure to stay focused. Don’t stare at Nick. He’s not even an option, Chloe. Remember that. Plus, it was annoying how he was on my back all the time. And he has a girlfriend. Sleezeball.

I stared forward and raised my speed and incline on the treadmill. Fit and beautiful. That was the goal. In a week I would be wearing clothing equivalent to almost bathing suit standards. I needed to be in perfect shape for tour. Not sub-par. Perfect and beautiful. Running faster I noticed out of the side of my vision Nick’s eyes watching me with an intense expression. I noticed he was getting out of breath and was lowering his speed. He scrunched his eyebrows, making his forehead crease.

“Wow, you’re really in shape.”

“Thanks.” I managed to gasp out. I could feel the sweat pouring down my face, and the weakness in my legs. I shook my head, knowing I had to push forward. I needed to lose this weight. I needed the exercise. I couldn’t let Nick get inside my head.

“Don’t you think you should slow down a bit? You’re going to over exert yourself. You don’t want to get hurt or anything the week before the tour.”

I ignored him and kept on running. Goodness, since when was my life his business. I wanted to be thin. Perfect. I would keep going until I shed this. I needed to be together like Claire. Claire. Yes. I created fists with my fingers, and surged with a new spout of energy. Suddenly I noticed that Nick wasn’t at his treadmill any more. Instead, he was leaning over the bar on mine and slamming on the stop button causing my treadmill to screech to a halt, almost tripping me in the process. Once the treadmill was stopped I could feel a weakness in my knees and felt slightly faint. Sick even.

“What the hell?!” I screeched.

“It’s not safe for you to be running so hard for so long.” He said, a concerned look upon his face.

“Who are you? My mother?” I said, frustrated.

He was not my guardian. I didn’t need him watching my every move. He was getting on my nerves more than anyone had ever before. This was not his problem. I was not his problem. He had a girlfriend. And I just needed to be skinny. And if running every single day was the way to reach my goal, then running it was. I shook my head at him and went to step off the treadmill but my knees gave out. Nick caught my arm just in time to keep me from falling. His eyes were wide and lost.

“Hey, are you okay? You look really thin. And pale.”

“Thanks.” I spat. “I’m just fine, so back off.”

He looked like I had just kicked a puppy. I shrugged off of his arm and started walking towards the bikes. Well, if I couldn’t run then I would just bike some extra to make up for it. I felt his arm grab my shoulder and turn me around. I glared at him as I faced him. I knew it was a bad idea to bring him.

“What’s going on with you lately? You’ve been nasty all day, giving me one word answers, you’ve been avoiding me as if I hadn’t noticed, and you look like your going to pass out. Maybe you should sit for a little while.” He tried to drag me over to a bench, but I shoved him away from me.

“Get off of me. I don’t need you. And since when did you become so clingy? It’s like your always on my back.” I snarled.

Deep down I didn’t want to be so nasty to him. I really didn’t. But I didn’t want him so close to me all the time. I didn’t want him breathing down my neck all the time. But more importantly, I didn’t want him to find out my little secret. He knew me better than anyone else. If we spent too much time together he would know. He just would. I could only imagine what he would think if he found out. He would never look at me the same again. I would stop though. As soon as I was skinny. Then I would stop. It would be easy, and no one would ever have to know.

“Clingy? Chloe, I care about you. And I’ve been trying to tell you tha-“

“What Nick? Your always breathing down my neck. Is that what caring means to you? I’m fine. Just dandy.”

“Chloe, I know you. Something is wrong and I know it. Is it about your mom? I’m always here to talk if you need me. You know that. Everything is going to be okay, I promise.” He said, looking at me with clear eyes, but knowing enough not to touch me again.

“For goodness sakes! Not everything is about my mother! She ditched us! End of story. I could care less. I’m fine and I would appreciate it if you would just leave me alone. I don’t need you around, I’ve been doing just fine on my own. I don’t need a bodyguard or someone to look out for me all the time. I can do that myself. I actually like to be by myself. In fact Nick, I think it might be best if you don’t visit me on tour. I think we need some space. A lot of it. I’ll see you in a few months Nicholas.” I said, grabbing my stuff and walking back towards the entrance to the gym. I could hear him take a few steps to follow me and then begin to speak.

I didn’t turn to look at him as he spoke. But I halted my angry strides. I know now if I had looked, things would have turned out very differently. I would have saved myself months of torture and sickness. I could have saved myself from an evil disease that was over taking my life. I would have looked into his lost, hopeless eyes and told the truth for the first time in months. I would have let him wrap me in his arms and make everything okay. I could’ve changed my life.

But I didn’t look at him. Instead, I stood quietly, listening to his words and walked away. I turned my back on the one thing that could have saved me. I listened to his voice, close to tears, and then kept on walking. Walking straight into the pain that was the next few months of my life.