The Spotlight

I flattened out my dress a little bit, in an attempt to get out the wrinkles, and then slipped on my heels. I looked adorable, and totally drool worthy. Or at least I hoped so, I really couldn’t tell. I wanted to make a big impression tonight, and I hoped that I was going to knock everyone’s socks off. I picked up my clutch and walked down the stairs. I could hear my heels click with each step I took, I caught a glimpse of my sisters and laughed a little bit to myself. They laughed quite a bit too once they caught sight of what I was wearing. We were all wearing black and red.

“So do you think anyone is going to make a comment about this?” Jenna said, gesturing towards her outfit.

“I think I’d be more surprised if they didn’t say anything.” I said.

“You look nice, thank goodness for cover up.” Jenna said. “Although, what are you going to do during your performance? The cover up probably won’t stay on during that.”

“Well lucky for me I called the people this morning with specifics to what I wanted my new outfit to look like. And it covers us everything pretty much. Plus, I’m putting a container of cover up in my bag just in case.” I said and Jenna smiled at my intelligence. She walked towards the kitchen, probably looking for Jack, with her heels clacking against the wooden floor with every step. The sounds changed as she stepped onto the tile in the kitchen, and then I looked at Nellie. She hadn’t said anything, except give an uncomfortable laugh. I noticed her complexion was stark white, I mean yes she generally was pale, but not quite this pale. “Are you okay Nellie?”

“I’m just nervous. I haven’t been in public like this in a while. What if they ask where I’ve been, what do I say?” She said, as I noticed her hand begin to shake.

“You say life has been busy lately, are you alright? You’re shaking.”

“I know. Withdrawal, but I’m fine. No worries.”

“Has this been happening a lot lately?” I asked, arching an eyebrow slightly.

“Actually no, it gets less and less with every day. Before you know it I’ll be fine.” She said and the color began returning to her face. The feeling must’ve past. We stood there in silence waiting for Jenna and Jack. Finally they came out, Jack eating an apple and Nellie and I looked at him, laughing. Typical Jack, always eating. At least he could stomach it though, I did even eat lunch today because I didn’t think I’d be able to hold it down in nervousness. “Ready?”

“I guess.” I said. It was just about the only thing I could say.

I sat myself in the limo and pulled out my iPod. I placed the headphones into my ears and began songs to pump me up for today. And also, probably to distract myself. I knew very well who was going to be here tonight, and it scared me that I was going to have to see them. I watched as the limo pulled up to the red carpet, so I stuck my iPod into my clutch and prepared to step out of the limo. Jenna got out first, followed by Jack, and then Nellie. The photographers went crazy as Nellie and I got out of the limo. We stopped in groups for a few photos, and then separated for a few alone ones.

I placed my hand on my hip and turned my body to face different sets of photographers for them to take pictures. I flashed them all my best smile, hoping that most of these pictures would be good, and no one would catch the marks on my legs and upper arms. I felt a hand lay itself on my shoulder and I saw Nellie posing with me. Then Jack and Jenna joined the group, so we took pictures together. Then we went on to do a few separate interviews. I listened as the reported spoke to Nellie.

“So, Nellie. Why haven’t we seen you around lately?”

“Well, I’ve been really busy, especially supporting my sister with her career. She’s my main priority.” She said and I smiled. There was nothing for her to worry about.

“Rumors are that you have been seen a lot of the local party spots, even though you are underage.”

“No comment.” She said fiercely, and then walked away to the next interview. The next two went exactly like that, until she got fed up and I was convinced she was going to hit someone so I butted into the interview. I joined her putting lacing her arm with mine, to make her aware that I was there for her. That is what sisters are for.

“Rumors are-”

“Rumors. Has anything been proven? No? Okay, so we’re going to be going now.” I said, and we began walking into the awards. She whispered me a thank you while we waited for Jenna and Jack. Just as they walked up to us a bunch of familiar faces came into view. Perfect. And of course they headed towards us. Kevin and Joe gave each of us hugs, and then Claire and Nick stood there with their hands linked together. My heart pounded and I felt as if I was going to faint right then and there.

“Hi, Chloe.” Claire said, throwing me a fake smile.

“Hi Claire.” I fake giggled.

“You look really nice Chloe.” Nick said.

“I know. Don’t I?” I said sarcastically, spinning around for him. “Now, let’s go get ready. I have to perform soon.”

“Bye boys.” Nellie said, and gave Joe a quick kiss on the cheek.

The four of us walked down the hallway and to our seats near the stage. And of course, lucky for us, guess who we were sitting next to? The Jonas Brothers + 1. I hate life. I sat there avoiding looking at any of them just incase I had a chance of catching Claire or Nick’s eyes. I went up and accepted my awards. I won everything I was nominated for. I even beat the Jonas Brothers for everything we were up against each other in. Once the awards I was nominated for were over it was time for me to perform so I gave my siblings quick kisses on the cheeks and practically ran out of the room. I couldn’t stand to be there even one second longer. I walked into the hall way where of course Nick was standing as if he was waiting for someone. Except this time, he was alone. He looked and me and walked over to me before I could run.

“You really do look beautiful night.”

“Get away from me Nick. Stop trying to play games with my head, because it’s not fair to me. Go be with your slut of a girlfriend.” I said and ran into the bathroom. This time, for the first time, I kept in the tears. I wasn’t going to cry about this, I was just going to show him what I was made of. I walked backstage and changed into my outfit for my performance. I made sure that everything was on me so that it covered everything up that I didn’t want them to see. I looked at myself in the mirror with the hat they had given me and I threw it off. It didn’t quite work, so I just fixed my hair a little bit. A stylist came over and finished it so that I looked pretty hard core.

I listened and waited for my queue and then I walked onto the stage. I listened as the crowd clapped, I looked at the star-studded audience in amazement. All of my heroes were here tonight and it was scary, but I was going to show them all what I was made of. Especially that one boy sitting towards the front, with his hand wrapped around some other girl’s hand. I didn’t want to think about it anymore, I just wanted to sing.

“Well hello! I am so excited to be performing at the SSA’s, keeping up the Johnson name to perform here. It is so crazy that my sisters have also performed on this very same stage when they were nominated for breakout artists and they both won. This first song I’m going to sing is a new one called ‘If You Thought’.

I sit in my room now,
Unmoving because
I’m done, I will not cry
Because I’m done wasting my tears
Especially on someone worthless
Just like you.

Sometimes I wonder
What was going through your mind.
When you betrayed my trust
And left me out in the cold
With the rain pouring down
As the wind ripped me apart
Now you want an us, but there is no us.
Maybe there would’ve been
If you thought
Because you don’t
If only you thought

She gives me those looks
Like I’m some sort of a bug
I’m sick of running away.
So I’ll stand my ground to say
That I’m done and over you
No more crying because you left.
It was your choice,
But know you missed out,
On something so great
That I’ll bet you wish you thought”

I looked up as I began to sing the chorus again. The whole time I had gotten so into the music, poured my heart and soul into it. And now I could see his shattering. He knew how much he had hurt me, so why did he make it so much worse. The beat played, one of the most hard-core out of my songs, but it was because of the pain it had caused me. I went on to the bridge singing with everything I had in me.

“I’m done!
It’s finished, and so are we!
You messed up too many times.
Hope she’s great cause,
She’s all you’ll ever get.”

I sang the chorus once more and this time I looked at Claire who was scowling. Call this my own personal version of a bitch slap. Although she deserved so much worse. For her, maybe she could feel half of the anger I’m feeling towards her. I lost one of the most important things to me, in a time when I really needed them. So shoot me if you will, but as far as I was concerned this was enough pay back for me to last a life time. Because now everyone knew, and it must suck to be them.

“ Maybe if you hadn’t stabbed,
And beaten my heart,
Until it was too black and blue to beat
Things could be different.
Just remember what you tell yourself
Is all on big lie.
Because you didn’t think. ”

I finished up the song with a powerful ending, and went on to sing a cover of Never Again by Kelly Clarkson which I nailed. And Nick winced with every single note that came out of my mouth. But the truth was that no matter what song I sang, or how badly I trashed him, he could never understand the way I felt. Once my performance I bowed and walked off the stage. I didn’t even bother to change, I just took my clutch, slipped on the hat I had taken off before, and left. I walked out of the dressing area and out into the hallway, I heard Nick screaming my name in anger. I whipped around to give him the most hate filled look I could give.

“What was that?!” He yelled at me.

“What do you mean? It was the truth!” I shouted. “I’m done hiding in a corner, cheating on me is one of the biggest mistakes you’ve ever made. You are going to regret it.”

“I’m going to? I already do! And I know that it was a huge mistake! And I’m trying so hard to make this okay between us, and you’re making it so damn hard Chloe!” He screamed at me, getting in my face.

“Really?” I whispered. “Then why is she here right now?”

“What does that mean?” He said, asking me at a normal level.

“Why is she here?” I said, and when he didn’t answer I walked away with tears in my eyes.

“Chloe! You can’t expect me to just leave her home, I mean she’s my girlfriend. I think I’m in love with her.” He said.

“And I thought you were in love with me. When I needed you most, you weren’t there, instead you stabbed me in the back.” I shouted from across the room. “You know what Nick, I wanted someone to be there for me when I found out my mother is missing. She has been missing. And now they think she might be dead. So thank you Nick, for being there when I needed you.”

I looked at him on last time, seeing the shocked look on his face and walked out of the hall. Luckily there were no paparazzi around this exit. I began walking to a place which was very familiar. I knew what I was about to do, and for the first time in a long time, I just didn’t care anymore. As I reached the place I looked up and remember all the times we had found Nellie passed out there. I didn’t get carded or anything as I walked into the private club.