Smother Me;

I was still standing there gawping at my reflection when someone knocked on the door. I quickly pulled the hospital robe back around my thin body, not really noticing that it was back to front, and pulled open the door a few centimetres.

“Alice, your family have arrived.” It was the nurse again. She could at least try to be a bit more enthusiastic about her job, instead of trying her hardest to make everyone around her just as miserable as she seemed to be. “They brought you some of your clothes, would you like to get dressed before you see them?”

I smiled at her, consciously exaggerating the gesture. “Yes, please.”

She handed over a bag, the plastic rustling as it made the exchange between her hands and mine, before pulling the door shut, leaving me to get dressed in peace.

I pulled on the purple skinny jeans, marvelling at how they buttoned up so easily - it always used to be such an effort getting clothes to fit me without cutting off my circulation. The Black Flag shirt that was also in the bag hung loosely off my shoulders, making my already thin body seem even more fragile.

I glanced up at the mirror again, my eyes travelling over my body. When had I started dressing like this? Adding the finishing touches to outfit - the black studded belt and worn out converse that were at the very bottom of the bag - I felt as if I wasn’t me, if you know what I mean.

I never dressed like this, never dressed in such a way that people would notice me. I did my uttermost to blend in, to fade into the background. Why would I want people to notice me, fat and ugly as I was? Trying to blend in never did me any good though..

“Haha, look at Alice!” Their screams filled the air around me, making it impossible for me to even try to ignore them. “How does she even manage to fit through her bedroom door?!”

“Just leave me alone!” My attempts to defend myself were useless, only encouraging them. They pushed me against the lockers lining the walls, the corridor nearly empty, the few people left thought it best to ignore what was going on. After all, it was only me, why should they care?

“How’s Gay-rard getting on, Alice?” One of them spat in my ear, their hand squeezing around my throat, cutting off my airways. “Found a new fuckbuddy?”

“Leave him alone! He’s done nothing wrong!” My throat pushed against their hands, straining for air.

“And that’s where you’re wrong, Alice. He’s done everything wrong - he’s a fucking faggot!”

“He’s not a faggot! He’s got a fucking girlfriend!“ I swore at them, defending my eldest brother. Their manic laugh screeched through my ears, before they dropped me to the ground, causing my head to crack off the hard floor.

I was always told just to stand up for myself, that they’d leave me alone if I just ignored them. Teachers always promised to ‘deal with it’, but did they really think that putting the bullies in weeklong detention would stop them mocking me?

I remember, one time, after I had been found in the girls bathroom with a bloody nose, I was taken to the nurse to get cleaned up. Sitting there, in the nurse’s office, I heard whispers coming from outside the door.

“You need to do something about this! She’s being brought in here every day, bloody noses, black eyes - they’re torturing the kid.”

“It’s just Alice, maybe if the kid lost some weight and tried to fit in they’d leave her alone.”

“Alice, are you okay in there?” The nurse. Again. I mumbled a reply, wiping away the stray tears that had escaped from my emerald eyes.

I pushed open the door, and felt the nurse’s eyes scan over me. Nodding once, she motioned for me to follow her. I trailed behind her along the wide corridor, the white-and-orange color scheme hurting my eyes.

She opened another door, and told me to go in, that my family were there. I walked in slowly, keeping my eyes on my shoes.

“Alice!” A familiar voice half shouted. I raised my eyes to find the source of the voice, scanning the room for a familiar face. Then I saw him, his hair plastered to his forehead, and his old-school glasses threatening to fall from their perch on the tip of his nose. It was-

“Mikey!”