I Only See You

The next morning, I could still smell Nicholas's cologne on the jacket he let me keep. And it smelled as a rich man would. It was a beautiful yet manly scent. Against my will, whenever I closed my eyes I could still see his attractive face clearly. His eyes were engraved in my head, the deep brown color of them. I could still see his brown, curly hair that was perfectly coifed and how it blew in the cold wind.

I woke up at seven, remembering that I had to meet Nick at eight. I got ready in the limited amount of clothes I had. At that moment, I loathed my living condition. I wanted to look presentable but had no choice but to wear the ragged clothes I owned. But it won't matter. Nick wouldn't consider me at all. He's just being considerate, probably out of pity.

But he didn't seem as happy as I thought he would be. When I saw him last night, he seemed stressed and unhappy. I knew he had just come out of dinner because first class had their dinner first. He must've been with his family but I don't know what they could've done to make Nick as unhappy as he was last night.

I grabbed my drawing pad and my last piece of charcoal, put Nick's jacket neatly on my arm and headed out to the deck and drew as I waited for Nick's arrival. If he showed up. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't.

+++

At breakfast, I ate as quickly as I could without looking so obvious. All night, as I slept, I dreamt of Cecilia. Her beautiful, thin face was replayed over and over in my mind and it was cradled by the dirty blonde color of her thick and wavy hair. Her hazel eyes were the most prominent in my mind. They were too hard to forget and I didn't plan on forgetting them.

When I was finished with my food, and a large meal it was, breakfast was far from over. My family had yet to finish their food because my parents, brothers and fiance would stop every few bites to have a conversation with Mr. Tarver. It was always the same thing and even though I joined in the conversation a few times, all my mind was running about was meeting Cecilia at eight o'clock.

The long hand of the clock was nearing 8:30 and our breakfast had not yet finished. Sure, I could stand up and walk out but I would then receive a long and painful lecture from my parents about proper breakfast ettiquete that I have heard countless times before. I kept my eyes on the clock and silently prayed to myself that Cecilia had not left yet. I also hoped that Cecilia wore my jacket to keep herself warm.

At 8:48, our breakfast had finished and Julia offered to have tea with my mother and other ladies which left me the time to visit Cecilia. Right after I exited the large dining room, I walked quickly to the tip of the ship, squinting my eyes to see Cecilia. To my surprise, she was still there sitting on the floor deck with her drawing pad on her lap and her hand was moving.

I started for a few seconds, catching my breath, and taking in Cecilia's beauty. Is it possible for someone to become more beautiful in just one night? It seems so because Cecilia was glowing even more so today that she was last night.

I finally got the courage to walk over to her and once I blocked her from the sun, thus creating a shadow over her, she looked up. Her hazel eyes were more or a caramel today and there was a slight green near her pupils. And her hair seemed lighter, but that may be because of the bright sun.

"I'm sorry that I was late," I said to her. "I couldn't get away from breakfast. I thought that you would've been gone by now."

"So why did you still come?" Cecilia asked.

"I may have thought that you were gone, but I definetly hoped you were still here," I told her with a smile. "Will you still spend some time with me?" I held my hand out to her in hopes that she would take it. I wanted to feel the tingling on my skin once again like last night during the few times that I touched Cecilia. She took my hand slowly and I felt that spark once again and I helped her up and took notice that my jacket was not on her back, but on her arm.

"Is there a reason you don't like wearing my jacket without being forced?" I asked her with a slight smirk. It seemed that she hated to wear anything that kept her warm.

"I just...don't want to...ruin it," she told me as she tried to find her words. I reached out and took her drawing pad and charcoal which left her confused.

"Please, put the jacket on," I said. "I don't think that a beautiful yet small girl like you could ruin a jacket. And it's only a jacket. I have many more. I think I can spare one. Besides, I don't care if a jacket is ruined if it keeps someone warm."

"I didn't think a comment like mine would receive such a long and repetative answer," Cecilia said with a slight smile. Nonetheless, she slowly put my jacket onto her very small frame and like last night, it devoured her whole.

"Now, would you like to a take a walk around the ship?" I asked, holding my elbow out to her.

+++

Hours later, Cecilia and I had walked miles around the ship as both of us told each other stories of our childhoods. I found out about her parents who died in New York when she was ten which left her on her own. She stowed away on a ship which was travelling to an unknown destination and wound up in Paris. She had spent the next six years there until she finally got the money to take the trip back home.

I told her of my family. Of Kevin, Joe, Frankie and my parents. And I had the courage to tell her of Julia when she asked of my love life. I had asked her first but she denied of ever having one and because she was truthful, I owed it to her to be as truthful. I watched her reaction as I told her of Julia Gaines. Cecilia seemed unfazed of my secret and it disappointed me.

Cecilia and I took a break and stood at a ledge and watched the sun as it was close to the horizon. "We've been walking all day and I realized one thing," I said. "You haven't eaten a thing all day."

"I'm not hungry," she said simply and her reply seemed sincere. No wonder she was so skinny.

"I'm sorry that I kept you all day," I said to her. "You should eat something. Maybe you could---"

"Nicholas!" I turned around and saw Julia walking with two other ladies that I did not recognize. The two were whispering behind their hands as Julia walked over to me and kissed my cheek. Out of the corner of my eye, Cecilia continued to look at the sunset.

"Who's this?" Julia asked me, gesturing to Cecilia. Finally, Cecilia looked over and smiled at Julia.

"Julia, this is Cecilia Wilson," I said and Julia nicely shook Cecilia's hand. "This was the woman who I offered my jacket to last night."

"Oh," Julia responded with the same enthusiasm. "Well it's nice to meet you. I just came by to tell you Nicholas that it's nearly time for dinner and we must be getting ready soon. Would you like to join us Cecilia?"

"That would be a great idea," I agreed.

"No, I wouldn't want to intrude," Cecilia said quickly. "Thank you for the offer. Plus, I wouldn't have anything to wear."

"I'm sure that I could lend you a dress," Julia offered. "Come on."

+++

Julia Gaines was an angel. She was beautiful, intelligent and had the best manners. I could see why Nick fell in love with her. Against my will, she led me to her room and started to look for a dress for me.

I was dressed in the most simple dress that Julia owned. It was a very small dress and yet, I could still breathe in the corset. She had fixed my hair in a high up-do. Julia also got ready for dinner and I waited in the sitting room, examining all the works of art that hung there.

A door opened and I turned to it to see Nick in a black and white suit. He was fixing his tie when he looked up at me and I saw his eyes grow large. "You look nice," I told him.

"Uh...um...you look beautiful," he said.

I felt my cheeks turn red. "Thank you."

Nick coughed and continued to fix his tie as he turned away from me. I continued to look at the works of art. Van Goh, Monet, they were all beautiful. "Um," Nick coughed slightly. "You really do look beautiful."

"And again, thank you," I responded.

When Julia came out ready, Nick had taken both of our arms and led us down to the dining room. Near the entrance, Nick and Julia stopped to a family who resembled himself. "Denise, Paul," Julia started. "This is Cecilia Wilson. She's Nicholas's new friend. I, We, thought it would be a wonderful to invite Cecilia to dinner."

"That's wonderful," Denise, the beautiful curly-haired woman, said. I presumed this was Nick's mother because of their obvious resemblance. "It's nice to meet you Cecilia."

"It's nice to meet you too," I replied. "Thank you for allowing me to have dinner with your family."

"It's no problem," Denise said nicely. The dining room doors were opened and Nick led both Julia and myself to our table.

During dinner, Nick's brothers Kevin, Joe and Frankie introduced themselves. Nick's family were beautiful people and a wonderful family. Conversation flowed between Nick's parents and the ship builder, Mr. Tarver. I learned everything about the ship. How it was built, what was used, where it was built.

Nick sat beside me and I saw him with a bored expression. I took the initiative and hit his leg slightly and received a look from him. I mouthed, "What's wrong?" to him and he leaned in slowly.

"I've heard this all before," he whispered. "Ask me anything and I can answer it."

"I take your word for it," I whispered back. "But your parents have ben shooting you looks all through dinner."

"Story of my life," he mumbled and sat back straight in his seat.

Anyone could've seen that Nick was not happy. Although they could see, they weren't looking closely. As dinner went on and the courses were brought out, Nick kept his gaze down at his food. Once, I saw him mouthing the response to a question that Paul had asked Mr. Tarver. Nick really did know everything about this subject. And I felt bad for him.

He looked like a tortured soul in his seat. When Julia took his hand, he replied with a weak smile but only looked at his food. Every once in a while, I was asked a question in which I answered. None pried into my life, but only asked for my opinion. I had a feeling that Julia had already filled them in on my situation and weirdly, I was grateful.

When dessert was brought out, I heard Nick take a long and deep sigh. He looked at me and apologized. He really was bored out of his mind. And it made me even more sad. After I half-finished my dessert, I sat back in my chair and listened to the conversation. I felt someone take my left hand on my lap under the table and I looked beside me and Nick had taken my hand and took my fingers between his. I couldn't deny the tingling in my skin that I felt at his touch. It gave my stomach butterflies. I looked into his eyes and he smiled at me. A smile that made me swoon.

And as I realized the night before, I had fallen in love with a rich man by the name of Nicholas Jonas. The one man that I had ever wanted, but couldn't have.