Suicide Watch

I wake up in a bright white room, a hospital, I realize. I hear beeps and a TV is going on and on about how he killed her child and Spanish soap operas are confusing.

A doctor walks in and I pretend that I’m still asleep, or knocked out or whatever. She makes some tsk tsk tsk noises while she looks at some papers on the clipboard by my bed. I wonder if it says what I did, I wonder if it says that I’m a suicide—

“Excuse, Miss…Stomleer?” She pronounces my name wrong while trying to wake me up. She seems like a new doctor, not one with experience.

She pokes me lightly with her gloved index finger. I stir lightly to make her think I was asleep before.

“Ugghhhh…Huh? What? Who are you? Where am I??” I act like I’m kind of crazy, and she’s surprised.

“Oh! Miss Stomleer, you are in a hospital. The Maryland General Hospital. This chart here says—’’

“Excuse, doctor lady, it’s not Stomleer. It’s Stamler. S-T-A-M-L-E-R. Stam-ler. And what am I doing here? Where’s my family?” I wanted to make her squirm. I wanted her to know what it felt like as me, everyone asking questions and people just being rude and not seeming to want you or your help.

“My, my…Well,” she glanced down at the clipboard, still clutched by her tiny hands, “I was just saying that this chart here says you tried to, uh, kill yourself? Is that true?” She had slipped on some thin glasses and she glanced over them at me. I wanted to snatch them off her face break them in two, then stomp on them and jump up and down on them. I giggled slightly when I thought this.

“Is this funny to you Miss Stom— Stamler? That you attempted to commit suicide? Do you know that’s against the law? It is attempted murder, against yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I didn’t try to kill myself. Well, I did, but then I thought better of it, and I just wanted to hurt myself, you know, like some people cut their arms and stuff? Well, that’s what I did. Except I threw myself off my roof. I knew it wouldn’t hurt me, but—’’

“DOCTOR! DOCTOR! CARDIAC ARREST IN ROOM 22!!! COME QUICK!!” A nurse was screaming to this doctor, I still didn’t know her name (which was very inconvenient, let me tell you), and so the doctor left with an “excuse me, I have to go,” and so I was left alone in that stupid hospital room.

I decided to get up and look around. I mean, I wasn’t gonna just sit there doing nothing, waiting for that stupid doctor.

As I got out of the bed, I realized I wasn’t wearing my pajama bottoms and my giant t-shirt anymore. I was wearing a hospital gown. Who the…Who would change me? Especially if they didn’t know me?!?! Ugh…I wonder where they put my clothes…

Cupboard, desk, drawer. Cupboard, desk, drawer. Still nothing worth my interest. And so I was bored. And when I was bored, I got to thinking. And when I started thinking…well, that’s how this started.

Well, technically, it started when I moved to Bethesda (Maryland) from Gaithersburg (Maryland). I had lived there for a while, since I was 6. I know that isn’t very long, seeing as I moved to Bethesda when I was 12, but that’s where my real life long roots were. I made my life there, and it was rudely snatched away. My mother got re-married so I had to move here, and then everything turned for pretty much the worst.

Guy problems, best friends turning out to be fake, friends drifting away, getting a dog and then having to give up the thing I cared for most on this stupid pathetic world…

I started crying, just thinking about my baby, Daisy Mae. She was just the perfect little puppy. I collapsed on the floor and that’s when the doctor found me.