Suicide Watch

The doctor was dragging me over to my hospital bed. This was a different doctor.

I think I blacked out, thinking about my puppy, Daisy Mae. This emergency room physicist seemed to know what he was doing, though. He hooked me up to that breathy machine. You know, the only where they put the little mask over your mouth and nose and that’s how you breathe.

So anyway, I was breathing with the machines help and crying and I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream as loud as I possibly could. I figure that could make them all go deaf.

“Ms. Stamler, I realize that you are only 13 years old. And this makes me wonder, why did you attempt to kill yourself? Are your parents abusive? What’s wrong?”

I just sit in the hospital bed, staring at this doctor—his name tag read Dr. John Harris—who then tells me is a psychotherapist.

“A what?”

“A psychotherapist. I am a doctor who has both psychological and psychiatric training. That means I—”

“Look, Dr. Harris. I don’t know what those big words mean, so why don’t ya just tell me: are you like a regular therapist or not? And I want a yes or no answer!” I give him this look that says no non-sense.

“Uh, technically speaking, yes. Except I can prescribe drugs to help you on your path to recovery.” See how cheesy the stuff doctors say are? That’s why people don’t trust them.

“I’m going to help you. I think you may be depressed, clinically, and I’m going to help you overcome that. And I’m going to help you overcome your apparent need for suicide. Okay?”

No, that’s not ok. What if I don’t want to “overcome” my depression and suicidal thoughts? What if I really wanted to die, because I don’t see what my role in life is? Some people could never understand my life the way I would.

I grumbled a word or two and I guess he took that as a yes. He then gave me some papers and told me I had to get them signed by my parents, if I could.

I didn’t know if my mom knew I had jumped, but she probably did or else who would’ve called 911? I asked the nurse for a phone, but it was unnecessary.

My mother had just walked into my hospital room.