Fat Dancer

“Harlow, can you please make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid?” Mackenzie begged, fresh tears rolling down her face. The tears were dragging down bits of her mascara giving her a corpse bride appearance. Her pale face was whiter then usual and her hair seemed to be lifeless. Nodding, I walked out of the room, I was angry at Zacky still, but then I realised I was the same as him. I’d been the other woman in Matthews relationship.

Just as I rounded the corner to the hallway I saw the charge from Brian, he speared his friend in the gut, shoving him into the wall. Zacky hit the wall with a thump, groaned in pain, then started to push Brian off him. Brian spun them around, before knocking Zacky to the ground, and started to punch his face over and over.

“You fucking bastard! How could you do that to my baby sister!” He bellowed, punching him harder. I realised I was just standing there, so I ran over and tried to push Brian off.

“Get off him, Brian!” I yelled, only to be met with deaf ears. I saw Zacky take a blow that clearly knocked him unconscious, he went limp, but Brian kept on punching. I tried to pull Brian off one last time, only to have him elbow me in the face. I screamed in pain, and fell to the ground. That’s when Brian stopped punching Zack, and glanced over at me; his face was red with rage, and he had some of Zacky’s blood on his knuckles.

When he tried to come over to me, and help me I shuffled away from him. I could feel blood from my eyebrow leak down my face rather quickly. Then before I could move any further away I saw out of the corner of my eye my brother charging at Brian. He knocked Brian to the ground, and it felt like the process was continuing. Only before Xander could lay more then three punches Matt and Jimmy were dragging him off Brian.

I could feel my eye swelling a little and pain shooting through it, but somehow I couldn’t cry. Not for me, I didn’t deserve sympathy for anything. I was just as bad as Zacky, at least he had the balls to tell someone what he did, drunk or not. The only reason anyone found out about me was because I had the miscarriage.

Before I could even register it Jimmy, Johnny and the Berry brothers were dragging the ‘wounded’ to the team medic. I however refused to go get checked, I was in much better condition to the other three. Even my brother had probably broken his knuckles from punching. Matt took me to my room, he knew basic first aid so he was given the role of helping me out.

He got me to my room, sat me on the bed, and started to clean the cut up. I winced and shut my eye gently, the pain was bad, but I wasn’t going to cry.

He held three fingers up and asked in a fake Doctor voice, “How many fingers?”

I smiled a little, “Three,” He shrugged and started to put the bandaid onto the cut.

“Well at least you’re not concussed,” He pointed out. “Zacky on the other hand, and Brian; well lets just say they’re going to be sitting down for the next few shows,” I nodded as he finished putting the bandaid on. His hands fell on top of mine, and he held them gently. “Are you alright? Like really?”

I put on my best fake smile, “I’ll be fine, thanks,”

“Liar,”

“What?”

“You’re eyes get big when you lie,” He pointed out, smiling gently. I looked down to our hands, mine seemed to fit so well with his but I was willing to bet that Val thought the same thing. Glancing back up to him, I sighed and shook my head muttering a small ‘fuck it’ I latched my lips onto his gently. He was a little taken back, but however, within a second or two he was running his tongue along my bottom lip.

He smiled into the kiss as I lay backwards, him falling on top of me gently holding his weight above my frame with his hands either side of my head. So many guys didn’t take into consideration my size against theirs, which often resulted in me being crushed by them. But Matt was different, it was like he knew I was easily hurt.

I went to undo his jeans, but he stopped me, and sighed, “Stop, please,”

“W-what?” I asked, pulling my hand away like his belt was made of lava that was burning my hand.

He pecked my lips gently and said, “I don’t want you to think I just want sex from you, I don’t,” He pointed out, “I want to be with you in other ways, I want to be the person you wake up next to every morning, and be the guy you tell other guys will kick their ass if they flirt with you anymore,”

“Matt-”

“Look I know I’m married, I love Val. But not the same as I love you. But I can’t walk away from my marriage if I don’t have you waiting on the other side,” He said, still laying over me. I felt a tear fall from one of my eyes; these words were the words I wanted to hear so badly. Yet they were the words that were breaking my heart.

I couldn’t be with him, he cheats on girls all the time. Even though I’d been one of his other women, I couldn’t handle the heartbreak that would come with being in a relationship with him. Apparently I didn’t need to say this out loud, the long silence was enough for Matt to sit up and bury his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry, Harlow. I shouldn’t have put you in that situation,” He muttered, his voice shaky. He stood up and walked out of the room, but not without me calling his name. “Yeah?”

“I love you,”

“But not enough?”

“Too much, Matt. That’s the problem,” He nodded and left, his exit was only temporary as he came back in about an hour later. This time he wasn’t here for ‘us’. “What’s up?”

“Your brother, Zack and Brian are going to be in hospital over night. Just though you should know,” I nodded and was yet again by myself. Mackenzie had taken refuge in her brother and Michelle’s room. She had cried to herself the entire night, according to Michelle. I however didn’t cry to myself the entire night, I’d yet again found myself in the arms of Matt.

Val was at the hospital with the guys, and I’d texted Matt asking if he could come to my room. He did, and as soon as he came into my room he wrapped himself around me, and stayed with me the entire night. We didn’t sleep, just enjoying being in each others warm embrace, staring into each others eyes and feeling like this was the way things should be.

But it wasn’t how things could be.

In the morning we had a shower together, we didn’t have sex, though. It was originally just him in the shower, but then I was finding myself drawn to being there with him. I wanted him to see me, all of me, and not in a sexual manner. For him to see all the scars I bore on my body, my ribcage that still was still showing a little. But for him, he just put his hand on my stomach, where our baby once was and said, “I wish we did have a baby together. You’re the only woman I want to have carry by baby,”