Fat Dancer

Days passed of innocent kisses between Matt and I when no one was looking. Days passed of Mackenzie ignoring both Michelle and I all the time. Days passed of Zacky fading away into alcohol and nobody helping him. Days passed of Brian trying so hard to help his sister. Days passed of me putting on weight. Days passed of me smiling when I saw the scales go up slightly.

Matt stepped into my room one night, immediately I jumped into his arms wrapping my arms around his neck. He laughed and asked me what I was so happy about. Instead of telling him, I got onto the scales and showed him; I wasn’t 79 pounds any more. Instead I was ninety pounds. It was a weight gain of eleven pounds over the span of a few weeks, and I couldn’t be prouder of myself.

“That’s great,” Matt kissed my lips and carried me over to the bed. Making sure not to put me down on the DVD’s he put me to the side of the bed while shuffling through the pile of cases.

After a minute I asked, “Where’s Val?” He told me he had an intentional fight so he’d have an excuse to storm out and come here with me, while Val assumed he was at a bar or something. We put on ‘Into The Wild’, a favourite of mine that Matthew had never seen. It had music from Eddie Vedder in it, from Pearl Jam; one of my favourite bands of all time. Sure enough most of the time was spent between us kissing openly, something we couldn’t usually do. Yet again when I went for his belt, he stopped me and told me he didn’t want to do anything like that, yet.

I threatened that I’d have to rape him at this rate, to which he laughed and cuddled me closer, “You couldn’t rape me, I’d enjoy it way too much,” I fell asleep in his arms that night, but he had to leave at about five in the morning, it’d look too weird otherwise. But he woke me up, so I knew he was leaving and I didn’t wake up assuming he’d been kidnapped.

A few days later we flew out to America again, there’d be a quick tour around America then that was it for awhile. Avenged would be taking some time off before touring again, but it would be without the Dancers. This worried me a lot. What if I was just a quick tour fling? Then he’d be back with Val, and on the next tour find some other girl to hook up with.

The sun was shining down on Michelle and I as we sat on the beach in Huntington, we had a couple of days off after last nights show in Long Beach where we recorded the DVD. So the guys all decided they’d take us all to Huntington where they were from to relax. To be honest I really loved Huntington, everyone seemed to be so nice here. People minded their own business so long as you weren’t interfering with theirs.

All of the guys owned houses pretty much on the beach, so it was a place we seemed to spend a lot of time. Today Michelle and I were sunbaking, I was desperate to loose some of my pale complexion, not all of it, but I wanted to be less dead looking.

Michelle wasn’t sleeping much at the moment, Brian was apparently tossing and turning in his sleep a lot, meaning she couldn’t get any. Mackenzie wasn’t staying in Zacky’s house anymore instead was sleeping in one of the many spare bedrooms in Brian’s house.

Sighing Michelle sat up, crossing her legs and pulling her chocolate brown hair into a pony tale. I looked up to her, sitting up; tears were clouding her eyes. “This is the most fucked up tour, ever, Harlow. And I’ve been on a lot of tours with these guys,”

“I can’t say I’ve helped this tour stay sane, yeah?”

“It’s not just with what’s been doing on with you. I mean, sure that’s part of it. But this is insane with what’s going on with Mackenzie,” Michelle said, a few tears falling down her face. She didn’t have any make up on, which meant there wasn’t any mascara or anything streaking her face, but she still wiped them away out of habit. “She came so far, then to see her like that. I thought she beat the bulimia once and for all, at the cutting? I thought she was way past that. Then after Zacky did that to her it just bought it all back,” We both jumped when we hard a bottle shattering near us. Zacky had been walking towards us from behind across the rocks with bottles of beer for us.

When he heard Michelle say those things, he dropped them and stared at us with tears in his eyes.

“Zacky, I’m so sorry you weren’t supposed to hear that,” Michelle said quickly, standing up and rushing over to him. His blood shot eyes confirmed our worries that he’d still been drinking non-sop.

“It’s fine, I mean it’s the truth right?” Said Zacky, his eyebrows furrowed together and clearly trying to avoid breaking out into tears. “Um, I should go. Sorry about the beers,” He said, his voice maybe passing for a broken whisper. Michelle looked back at me and I just stared back at her, unsure of what to do. Zacky wasn’t supposed to find out at all, let alone like that, or in those words. Any fun we were aiming to have here at the beach was clearly not going to happen, so we packed up our things and went back to the house.

Brian and Michelle had a large beach house that made me feel like I was in the Hogwarts Castle, there were rooms everywhere and the house had an old feeling about it. There were paintings and photo frames pretty much lining the dark purple walls down the hallway with an even gap between every single picture. White wood floors adorned the ground in nearly every single room, except for the bedrooms which had a rug under every bed for when it was winter and nobody wanted to touch cold floor boards.

Upstairs Brian had a recording studio, that was lined with posters from top to bottom that he’d been collecting since he was a kid; Val Halen, Motley Crue, KoRn, Metallica, and all bands that he’d really ever come across and considered himself a fan of. Naturally he threw in the occasional Avenged Sevenfold poster that he’d put graffiti on. The studio wasn’t professional, but it was good enough for him and what he used it for.

This was where he was today, recording whatever came into his head and messing around with it on some program he had. Mackenzie was sitting on the couch, a red blanket draped over her lower half, she was watching a ‘Friends’ episode repeat, again. This seemed to be a pattern for her; she’d get up, have a shower, come to the couch and watch Friends. This was the same pattern if she was on the tour bus too.

I said, “Hello,” to her, she didn’t say anything, to me, just stayed silent. She wasn’t happy with Michelle and I for telling Brian about her relapse, as now he was stressing all the time. Brian wanted to avoid her going back to rehab, but decided she wouldn’t be returning on the tour with us, instead she’d go and stay with their father across town.

In the kitchen we both sat on bar stools at the island in the centre of the kitchen, sipping on Vodka Cruisers. We were discussing Zacky, honestly we were both worried about him, and the reaction he’d have to knowing that he had a huge impact on Mackenzie’s relapse. Brian called down the stairs a few minutes later, so Michelle went up to see what he needed. I went to the veranda where I sat on the bottom step leading to the grass, and lit a cigarette.

“Those will kill you, you know,” I smiled at the familiar voice and looked to the left to see Matt walking across the backyard. He and Brian were literally next door neighbours, so it wasn’t unusual for him to come over. He sat down next to me, and put his hand on my knee casually and looked to me. “How was tanning?” He asked, teasing me slightly.

“Bad,”

“Why did you get cancer from it already?”

I rolled my eyes, “No. Zacky overheard me and Michelle talking about Mackenzie and the relapse,”

“Oh, that’s not good. Is he okay?” I shrugged. “I should go see him,”

“Give me a second, and I’ll come,” He nodded, taking my cigarette and taking a drag. Inside I could hear Brian and Michelle talking in their bedroom while I changed, they were talking about Zacky. Brian didn’t want to hear it, while Michelle wouldn’t let him leave the conversation without being told what happened at the beach.

Matt and I walked to Zacky’s house, where we saw nothing. His car was gone, a lot of his things, and so was he. There was no note, nothing. He just left.

Later that night the four other band members were sitting in Brian’s backyard, feet dipped in the pool and a beer in hand while talking about what they should do. Obviously we tried to call him, it just went straight through to message bank, sadly. The police weren’t able to do anything unless he was missing for more then forty eight hours. Michelle, Lacey, Leanna and I were sitting in the kitchen drinking around the island.

“Do you think he’ll come back, like really?” Lacey asked us all. “I mean, from what Harlow and Matt said, he looked like he had everything needs taken with him,”

Michelle swallowed a biscuit with some cheese on top before saying, “This is Zacky we’re talking about, he’d feel bad and come back within the week,” The girls laughed a little. “I hope he does, really,”

The back door opened, and the guys all came in and sat around the kitchen; Johnny on Lacey’s lap who was complaining he was heavy and had a bony arse, Jimmy on the counter behind Leanna, Brian on the chair next to Michelle, and Matt stood behind me, leaning on the back of the chair.

Matt was the first to talk, “We’ve decided if Zack doesn’t come back, we’ll make up a bullshit story and get Papa Gates to cover,” He said. “We can’t cancel the tour just because Zack is on hiatus,”

“He’s right,” Lacey said, “I mean if he died, he’d want you guys to keep going. I’m sure that’s what he’d want you guys to do,”

“Doesn’t matter what he wants us to do,” Brian snapped, “He’s the one that’s fucked off because he fucked up,”

“Brian-”

“No! Don’t ‘Brian’ me, Michelle! He fucking cheated on my sister, and sent her back so many steps! She was better, she was healthy. Now she’s not sleeping, or eating. For all I care Zacky and go fucking die,”

“Brian he’s no better then me!” I pointed out, “I slept with Matt and you didn’t treat me like this,”

“It’s different,”

“No it’s really not. Michelle forgave me for what Matt and I did, so why can’t you?” I questioned.

“Michelle doesn’t even like Val anyway,” Brian grumbled, “And it’s different because I said so,” He walked up the stairs and yelled, “Incase you didn’t realise I’m going to bed,”

Michelle rolled her eyes, “I swear I’m marrying a child,” She excused herself and went up the stairs to try and talk some sense into her partner. While that happened everyone else declared they’d be leaving, I said goodnight to them, and got hugs from the girls. It was good to know that they liked me. Matt and I sat on the couch, cuddled up to each other while Michelle and Brian were upstairs talking.

“Do you think Zacky will ever come back?” I asked him in all seriousness. He shook his head, no. “What do you think he’ll do?”

He sighed, “I don’t know. But he’s been drinking, too, a lot. And I’m more worried about the fact that he’s driving himself somewhere. Fuck the fact he’s gone, he’s dangerous behind the wheel right now,” I nodded in agreement before kissing his lips and telling him I need to go to bed. He smiled and said goodnight, before leaving back to his house where Val was, no doubt, waiting for him.

A few days later we were all standing out the front of the two buses, still without Zacky. Brian’s father said he was okay with filling in, he’s a guitarist after all, so it wasn’t like he didn’t know what he was doing. Mackenzie was with her mother, apparently not any better. But it wasn’t safe for her to be on tour, nobody could support her the way she needed.

I kept on searching for Zacky with my eyes but he wasn’t coming, “Harlow, we’re leaving,” Katie said, leaning out the door.

Zacky was gone.