Fat Dancer

There isn't any way to tell what a man is really thinking. You can try; trust me I know you can try. But in the end the only way you can really know what he is thinking is when he tells you. So when Brian came into my bunk his eyes bloodshot and puffy I knew I had to listen.

His small amount of eyeliner had washed off, so he rubbed his eyes like a kid and said, "I am a fully grown man. Shouldn't be crying,"

I shook my head and told him, "I'm a fully grown woman who still cries when I am upset, there's nothing wrong with it,"

"All I ever wanted was for Kenzie to be safe. So I pushed her to date Zack. I did this, Harlow. I am the reason she's sick this time, its me not Zack," He cried, more tears rolling down his face staining his slightly sun kissed skin. "I miss him so much, he's my best friend. I fucked up,"

Leaning over I hugged him softly, his head resting in the crook of my neck. His sobs choking in his throat and hot tears hitting my bare shoulder. I don't know, or care, how long he was crying into my for. All I knew was that I had to be there for him. After all he'd looked after me the entire tour, there were only about five weeks left so I needed to help him while I could.

“I’m sure they’ll both be okay,” I told him, running my fingers through his hair softly, trying to calm him down. “And they’ll both forgive you, too. You’re a good person, Bri,”

Eventually he fell asleep, so I lay him down on my bunk by just moving slowly out of the way. A blue blanket was draped over his body for warmth and the soft pillow under his head was muffling his soft snores.

The bus driver pulled over, he needed food and so did I. Inside the store I grabbed bits of things I wanted salt and vinegar crisps, a couple of chocolate bars some other sweets and two cans of a Monster Energy Drink. The cashier was a teenage girl, about 5"4' with stunning blue eyes.

"How are you?" She asked nicely, smiling.

"Exhausted," I laughed honestly, "What about you?"

She shrugged, "Can't complain. Having a sugar hit tonight?" She observed. I laughed and nodded.

"She's not the only one," I smiled at the all too familiar deep voice of Johnny as he dumped about ten times more food onto the conveyer belt. "Hey Harlow,"

"Oh my god," The girl laughed, "Johnny Christ?"

He smirked, "The one and only,"

"Wow, you're way shorter in real life," I watched Johnny's once sky high ego deflate in a second and he nodded.

She got an autograph from Johnny, and Matt who walked past incredibly pissed off. So much that he just ignored me getting him a bar of chocolate thrown at the back of his head.

"Fuck off, Harlow," He grumbled, walking towards the isles. Johnny and I took out confectionary to the Dancers bus; all the girls were asleep so we went to the very back of the bus to pig out.

"So what're you having a sugar hit for?" I asked, he sighed and looked at me dead in the eye, "You okay?"

"Its Lacey,"

"Is she alright?"

"I don't know. I mean she's, well, um, pregnant," He stammered frowning, "And I need comfort food,”

“Isn’t comfort food for when you’re upset and, well, need comforting?”

He nodded and explained that he didn’t ever think he’d have kids, it wasn’t something him or Lacey ever really wanted. But they both decided to keep it and see what happens. Hours passed of us eating the candy until we both fell asleep on the couch complaining of severe stomach pains. Johnny had made some very valid points about me and Matt, maybe if he really loved me he would have left Val by now.

Maybe I needed to be the one to move on first.

Once I woke up I immediately went to the bathroom and threw up all the candy from the previous night, not by choice, mind you. My stomach was feeling disgusting with the amount of food I’d consumed with Johnny. I flushed the toilet, brushed my teeth, showered and changed before getting off the bus at the Café we’d stopped at for a late breakfast.

The town we were at was small, a population of about three hundred and fifty. There were only the basic shops available, plus a gym, café, and a couple of different schools. The people were very kind to us, they didn’t judge the fact that we were on giant buses and most of us had tattoos and piercing’s. Infact they were probably the nicest people I’d met on the entire tour, their smiles were genuine and their food was mind blowing.

I was only having a light breakfast and a juice, being careful not to upset my stomach further. When I was about to take a bite of my raisin toast I felt someone pull on my arm, pulling me out of the café; Matt was looking pissed off and even though his eyes were hidden by sunglasses I knew they’d be darker then normal.

“Let the fuck go of me!” I demanded, pulling my arm out of his death grip. When he lets go I notice his hand left a bright red mark on my skin. “What the hell is wrong with you Matthew Charles Sanders?”

He chuckled darkly, “I know what you did. And to think that I thought I was a terrible person,”

My eyebrows raised out of confusion, “Excuse me?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Harlow! I know you slept with Brian,” He spat, venom dripping from his harsh and incorrect words. That’s when I slapped him across his face, my hand stung from the contact, but I hoped he was in even more paint then I was. Then I lean forward and kissed his lips softly, wrapping my arms around his neck. He shoved me back, “Don’t fucking kiss me, you’ve been with Brian,” He stressed the second part of the sentence like he couldn’t believe I’d do something like that.

“Matty, he came into my bunk last night-”

“I don’t wanna know what you two did-”

“Will you shut up?” I asked, “He was upset, so we talked, he fell asleep and I went to the store. That’s it. That’s everything. Is that why you were so rude last night?” He nodded his cheeks bright pink from embarrassment and his gaze lowered towards the floor. Then I realised he’d dragged me into one of the disgusting uni-sex public toilets, there were used condoms everywhere and the toilet looks completely unused. A huge turn off.

“I’m sorry,” He muttered, stepping forward and wrapping his huge arms around me. I hugged him back, leaning my head on his chest. I felt his hand run over my hair softly and down my back, stopping at my lower back. “I love you,” He told me, kissing my head.

Suddenly the door flew open, two random people were standing there. A condom packet in his hand and his girlfriend looking like she’d never been happier.

“Are you guys done?” He asked, clearly wanting to spend some time with his girlfriend. In a rush Matt and I ran out of there, both trying not to piss ourselves laughing.

“I gotta go, Val wants to go looking around. See you later,” He told me, kissing my cheek and leaving. And that’s the way I knew it’d always be, him leaving me for Val whenever she called.

I really needed to move on.