Unexpected

~ current time ~

I don’t know what time it was.
Just that it was late.
But I had finally gotten the courage to touch him…..
The man I loved.
I had slowly scooted my chair closer to Kevin’s bed.
His right hand was just laying there next to his right side. It was just laying there slightly open has if he was waiting for someone….anyone…to grasp it….to take hold of it….to comfort him has he struggled to hold onto his life.
I don’t know where the courage came from but I somehow was able to reach out and take hold of his hand.
But has soon has I grabbed hold of his hand I started to cry again.
And not just he quiet silent tears I’d been crying all day and night….but the bawling type of crying that involves gasps of breath and other various noises that automatically gives it away that you’re crying.
I don’t even know why I even started crying in the first place.
But before I knew it I was clinging onto his hand with both of mine, my forehead resting on his bed…..bawling…..
No idea has to why I had even started crying so badly…except that he was there.
Our hands touching.
I had always been able to cry it all out when I was with him……

~ 9 months ago ~

I had been sitting on my bed staring out my bedroom window when Kevin came in. I knew that it was only going to be a matter of time before he came over.
You see….I had gotten into a fight with my dad…who was never around. And all I wanted to do was run away and hide…..and to cry….but I couldn’t.
Until he came in.
I just knew that Kevin would be here soon. Gabby had always called Kevin whenever I was upset or just needed someone to talk to.
You see….Kevin could always make me feel so much better….without even trying.
But he came into my room and sat across me on my bed. We just sat in silence for awhile before he said anything.

“Gabby called me”

I continued to stare and my feet crossed in front of me, the teddy bear Kevin had given me years ago settled in my lap. It seemed that whenever I was upset I always reached for my “Kevin” bear has we all called it.

“I know”

Kevin scooted closer to me. So close that out knees were touching has we sat crossed legged facing each other on my bed. Being so close to him made my skin tingle.
I remember wishing that he would kiss me at that exact moment…..but he never did……
So we just sat there…in silence…until….until he reached out and grabbed my hand. He gave it such a gentle squeeze.
And then I lost it.
I just started crying…no bawling.
I immediately leaned forward and layed my head on his strong, muscular chest ahs his arms wrapped around me…protectively.
I just clung to him has he held me close…..
And has held me close…..
I felt like no one could tear me down…….

….no one……