Broken Glass and Bleeding Hearts

“You are just being paranoid Ellie. Now are you going to call your half brother and let me officially meet him or not? From what I saw at school today that is definitely someone I want to meet.” Star didn’t even bother looking up from her current project of filing her nails as she spoke. It has been six days since the day of my aunt’s wedding, and since I’d allowed the memory of Angelica’s little breaking and entering stunt to invade my mind.

“I’m not being paranoid,” I shot a glare her way as Matt chuckled to himself. “No I’m not going to call him so you can officially meet him, in case you forgot you have a boyfriend. Besides he is only 14 and I do not care if he looks older than that he is still only fourteen years old. By the way I don’t want to hear anymore bitching about how I’ve never told you anything about him.”

“Ellie you are going to burn a hole in the floor if you don’t stop pacing like that. Star she didn’t really tell anyone or talk about him because she tried to repress the memory of him. Put yourself in her shoes, if you had a half brother from the father who walked away from you when you were only two years old I’m sure you wouldn’t think about it that much either. Besides we need to be realistic about this, Ellie is right. Her father cannot be trusted so how do we know that Dalton can be.”

Zacky had received another letter in his locker this morning; a letter almost identical to the one that had been taped to my window. Things were becoming very clear very quickly, the people I thought I could trust might be betraying me. I knew it wasn’t Matt, he was in this just as deep as I am, I knew that it was Zacky, Brian, or Jimmy but that was as much as I knew. As much as it hurt me to think about it Star hadn’t been around much lately and she had changed in her time away. I knew I couldn’t trust Justin anymore. Even Dalton was on that list.

“Well why would her father bring Dalton here just to spy on Ellie? Answer that one Matt.” Star finally looked up from her nails and shot a glare at Matt. As I looked between them I felt a sudden surge of anger surge through me. The cold and empty look in Star’s eyes as she stared at Matt was beyond unsettling to me. She’d changed, she’d snapped somehow. This person was no longer the girl who’d been my best friend growing up.

“I never said that her father would have him spy on her. If you’d listen every now and then you might get it.” Matt leaned forward as his voice hardened.

“You two just stop it! Maybe I am being paranoid but if I am it is for a damn good reason. I haven’t heard from Dalton in over a year, I’ve repressed the thought and/or memories of my father and Dalton because it hurts to think about sometimes. None of that changes the fact that the have just randomly showed up and are planning to stay here anywhere from a few months to a few years.”

“Yeah well Ellie that is life. I’m sure that they are only back because your dad felt it was time. I have to go now though, I’m meeting Kellan for dinner. See you guys Monday.”

As soon as she left I headed into the kitchen for a glass of water. With every day that passed everything seemed to be getting more complicated and time was running out. When you know who you can trust it never hits you how much worse things are when anyone could be betraying you. Now there was only a handful of people that could be trusted and I wasn’t sure if Star could be included in them.

“She is your best friend Ellie. Even if she is different now she would never say or do something to hurt you. We both know that.”

“Why don’t you call the guys and tell them to come over in about an hour and we’ll order pizza alright?” I remembered that my mom planned on going out with her friends that night and suddenly didn’t feel like leaving the house. Matt agreed and then returned to living room to place the calls.

If there was one thing I learned since this entire changing process had begun was that I had to control my anger. If I didn’t keep it in check things got destroyed and something I got hurt for it. Sometimes even other people or vampires, like Angelica, got hurt. Not that I really regretted hurting her but still.

I inhaled several deep breaths and did what I had been taught to do all my life; count backwards from ten. I made it to zero and still didn’t feel any calmer than I had before. I could feel the anger pulsating through my veins and driving me to take it out on something or someone. Just to find something to release it one, it no longer mattered what or even who. I had to find a way to calm it.

When I heard footsteps hit the tile it was as if my mind and body were no longer connected. My mind was saying to stop, take in the situation then act. My body was saying to attack. The funny thing about being torn between what your body says and what your mind says is that even as your mind protests it doesn’t stand a chance. The second that your body and mind stop working together everything is then controlled by your body. There wasn’t even a chance that I could stop myself from doing what I did next; well it was the same chance that a snowball had in hell I guess.

One second I was standing on one side of the kitchen and the next I was on the other side, holding Matt, by the throat, against the wall. The worst part was with my fangs bared and a horrible hissing sound coming from my throat. Strength seemed to pump through my body in the place of anger and I felt, well I guess you could say, invincible. Matt was staring at me with wide eyes and a mouth that was hanging open but I couldn’t relax.

“Ellie let go of me.” I heard the familiar tinge of in his voice. His body and mind were functioning separately now too. There was acidic anger forming in his eyes as we stared at one another. Under my hands, which each had one of his arms, I could feel the same strength pulling at him too.

“No.” Letting my right hand move from his right arm to this throat took less time than a blink of an eye, putting me at an extreme advantage. He’d lose control at any moment now but I couldn’t control myself. My reflexes and instincts were in control now and that wasn’t going to suddenly stop.

“Ellie I said let go of me, now. I know that you don’t want to do this and I don’t either. So, let go. Now.” His voice was slow and strained, the anger now there presently. The smile crept over my lips and another hiss rose from my throat. However, this time it was matched with one from Matt just as his hands gripped my arms.

A year ago I would have never believed this. Here Matt and I stood, ready to tear each other apart, completely vamped out. The most unbelievable part is it was because we were under so much stress just because some girl wanted to be the most powerful. I was so pissed at the world and Angelica that I was ready to rip him to shreds for walking into the kitchen without a warning. He was ready to do the same just because I’d freaked out.

“What if I don’t? Then what? You gonna kill me Matt?” As soon as the words were out of my mouth there was a chill that swept through my entire body. What was I saying? Instantly my grip loosened and my fangs disappeared. Allowing my hands to fall limply to my sides I walked into the living room and sat down.

It was seconds later when Matt joined me on the couch. For several minutes we just sat there in silence, without speaking to one another. I could feel Matt watching me as if I was going to snap again, as if I was unstable, and it was driving me insane. I wasn’t some psychopathic girl who went around threatening to kill everyone she loves and comes close to actually doing it. Or at least I hadn’t been. It was obvious now that something had changed though or I’d just had some sort of breakdown. Either way there was no need to look at me like I was a serial killer. “Will you stop looking at me like that Matt? I freaked out and I said that I’m sorry there isn’t anything else I can do.”

Matt moved closer to me slowly and kept his eyes locked on me. “I’m not scared of you,” I couldn’t help but scoff at this, he just frowned. “I know that you just snapped from stress. I should have made some kind of noise to let you know that I was there. It might be a good idea if you saw a counselor or something though.”

I practically hissed in frustration at this. Matt was smart, he has always been, and he has always been the one who could take control of situations and fix them. This time though I think he was completely out of his league. The fact that he was actually suggesting that I talk to a counselor about what Angelica was doing that had me so on-edge was mind boggling; practically impossible to get my head around. “Are you crazy?”

He looked at me as if I’d just grown a third head., or worse “What do you mean am I crazy? Last time I check Ellie you were the one who pinned me against the wall and was more than ready and willing to rip out my throat. Excuse me if I’m not really seeing how this connects to me being crazy.”

“You are actually suggesting that I speak to a counselor about being so stressed and pissed? Honestly and for the love of God all of this is because of Angelica. How do you expect me to explain that to someone?”

“Well we’d have to make sure that the counselor was a vampire before you actually talked to them.” For a second I thought that he was just kidding around with me. The entire concept of what he was proposing was preposterous.

A string of humorless laughter slipped through my lips, continuing for several seconds before I could control it. When I finally looked back at him I saw the anger and what looked like hurt burning in his eyes. “You really have lost it then. Don’t you get it yet? We can’t tell anyone about this because they will think that we are crazy. You don’t even have the slightest idea about what she is planning do you? Do you honestly think that this is a problem that talking to a shrink can fix?"

"Ellie how the hell do you expect me to know anything when you don't tell me anything? Apparently you know more than I do. So what you decided that you just couldn't tell me what exactly is going on with all this bullshit?" There was that familiar edge to Matt's voice. He was getting pissed off and I couldn't help but feel my anger rise as well.

Just as I was about to throw a clever remark back at him there was a knock at the door. With a roll of my eyes I went to answer it, finding Zacky standing there. He glanced between Matt and I and a look of confusion contorted his features. "What is going on?"

"Matt is being an asshole." Zacky chocked back a laugh and shot a glance at Matt. For once I just felt like giving up on trying to stay happy with Matt, I just wanted to be angry and pissed at him.

"Oh I'm being an asshole huh? Well look who is talking." I scoffed at Matt and rolled my eyes. It was clear that Zacky could sense the tension in the room and it was obviously affecting him.

"Should I leave for a while and come back in a little bit?" He pointed with his thumb, over his shoulder, towards the door.

"No just sit down!" Even though Zacky would never admit it, it was easy to tell that Matt and I's tendency to bark out orders at the same time was something that disturbed him. To be honest it kind of disturbed me. After all it wasn't something that we practiced and I hated how I acted when I grew this angry.

As Zacky sat down I flashed an apologetic smile his way, hoping that he'd understand. Much to my relief he returned a smile my direction and relaxed. "Do either of you mind telling what I missed?"

"Don't feel like talking about it right now." I answered, my tone making it clear that what I meant was that we weren't going to. This time Matt scoffed and mumbled something to himself, being careful to be silent enough that vampire ears couldn't hear it.

When Jimmy and Brian arrived, half an hour later, they too were greeted with silence. It was easy to tell by their eyes that they were going to ask until they looked closer at Matt and then at me. Zacky looked up at them and shook his head no to which they responded by nodding their own heads.

I was elected to order the pizza and honestly it came as a relief. I needed to get out of the living room and away from Matt. When I was put on hold it was easy to hear the whispers coming from the living room, it would have been as easy as breathing to listen to what they were saying, but I just tuned it all out. Whatever they were talking about just didn't interest me at all tonight.

"You can keep talking about me if you want to, it doesn't matter to me." I walked back into living room and the four of them went completely silent, looking at me as if they too thought I would snap. Zacky and Jimmy were the two that smiled at me and choked back the urge to laugh. Matt didn't even look up at me and I wasn't sure what Brian was thinking.

"So what exactly are we going to do about this Angelica problem?" It was Jimmy who spoke up this time. I cast a slight glare at Zacky, who motioned with his eyes to Matt. It was undeniable that this pissed me off but Matt didn't know all of the story so they didn't.

"We aren't going to do anything. I am going to handle it when the time comes. She is after Matt but I am the one that she wants dead right now. Its my problem so I will handle it." Jimmy, Zacky, and Brian all shook their heads and mumbled about how stubborn I am.

Matt looked at me with his eyes narrowed. “Like hell you are.”

“Its not up for discussion Matt.” I meant exactly what I said. I wasn’t going to have a discussion about it with him, he would never see it my way or even think about how I might be right. This was just something that I’d have to stick to and make it completely clear that it was my choice and no one else.