Broken Glass and Bleeding Hearts

It had been a while since I’d last attended a funeral. The last one that I had been to was my grandma’s, and that had been years ago. Aside from hospitals, and some bugs, there was nothing I hated more than funerals.

“Are you going to be okay?” Matt asked from my bed.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, adding a little more chapstick to my lips, “as okay as I’m gonna be that is. I never thought I’d be going to the funeral of one of my best friends at 16 ya know?”

“Trust me, I know. I just want to make sure that you’ll be able to handle it, Ellie.”

“Well Matt, I really don’t have a choice. I don’t want to handle any of this but I have to. It isn’t like there is a switch that shuts it all off. I have to come to terms with the fact that one of my best friends was murdered and she is never coming back. There isn’t any other choice anymore besides just handle it.”

With a sigh, Matt placed a hand on each of my shoulders from behind. For the past two days he had rarely left my side. Sunday he had spent all day in my room with me. Yesterday he had showed up before school, stayed with me in the classes we shared and in between classes, and hadn’t went home until it was time to go to bed. Then this morning he was here as soon as I woke up.

“Is it an open or closed casket? Do you know?” I asked, squeezing my eyes closed as
tightly as I could. I wasn’t completely sure I wanted the answer.

“Closed.” Matt’s voice was almost a whisper as he spoke, gently pulling me closer.

“We’ve got to leave in a few minutes!” My mom’s voice drifted into my room. Those were the words that I had been dreading all morning.

After the funeral my mom had to go to work, so Matt and I headed back to my house. I knew the guys were coming over so I ordered pizza as soon as we got there. I had expected to spend all day crying, but I wasn’t. I had cried through the funeral, and the burial, but now I seemed to be out of tears.

“You are probably a little numb,” Matt said, watching as I stood over the sink.

“Maybe.” I continued to look out the window into the backyard. I wasn’t sure if I was numb, out of tears, or settling into where I needed to be.

I knew that I needed time to mourn. I knew I wasn’t going to be truly happy for a while. But I also knew that I still had to deal with Angelica, the “followers”, and her diabolical plan. It didn’t matter what I needed, that is what I got. There wasn’t time to mourn my lost friend right now. It would have to wait until later.

“Zacky is here,” I said, hearing his truck outside.

Matt just nodded and went to answer the door. I really needed to talk to Zacky but it had to be alone. I needed to see if he’d looked into the night of the party, if he had found anything to prove my suspicions yet. But getting the chance to talk to him wasn’t going to be easy. Especially not with all of the guys around.

“Ellie!” I heard Jimmy’s voice, telling me that he had rode with Zacky.

“Hey Jim,” I said, still not turning around.

In typical Jimmy fashion, he wasn’t having my lack of greeting. Before I even had time to protest, he was hugging me tightly. Normal I would have joked around with him, saying something like he was killing me, but today I just hugged him back.

“Brian should be here soon,” Jimmy said, releasing me.

I didn’t answer, instead I just nodded in acknowledgement. Truthfully I was glad all the guys were coming over. I really didn’t feel like being alone today and with all four of them here my mind wouldn’t be able to wander too much.

Brian arrived only seconds before the pizza did. Surprisingly enough we actually ate with almost no talking. Then again it was highly unlikely that any of them had eaten breakfast that morning; I know that I hadn’t.

“I didn’t even know that she was going to go home,” Brian said, “I saw her at the party and we talked for a while, but I didn’t see her leave.”

“I did,” Jimmy said, “I waved but she seemed like she was in a hurry. I figured that she got into a fight with her boyfriend or something.”

“She wasn’t going home guys,” It slipped through my lips before I realized it, “she was heading here. She never took the road it happened on to go home, she used it to come here.” I figured there was no sense in hiding it anymore. If it was just coming out of my mouth then it must be time to tell them.

“Why was she coming here? Do you know?” Brian looked sort of confused, which is how I still felt.

“I think she found out something about what is going on with Angelica.”

“Are you saying that you don’t think the accident was an accident?” Jimmy’s voice suddenly sounded appalled. Apparently I was the only one that had already had these thoughts.

“No, I don’t. I think it was done on purpose so that would never be able to tell anyone what she found out.”

“I think that Ellie is right guys,” Zacky finally said, “there is a lot you guys don’t know. There is a lot that even Matt doesn’t know. This isn’t just a high school thing. It isn’t about Angelica just wanting Matt for herself. It is a plot for power.”

“What the hell are you talking about Zack?” Brian asked, leaning forward so he could see Zacky better.

“Originally the coven, now called the Council, was headed by two families. The Sanders family and the Ainsworth family. They were the coven leaders. When it came down to the wire it was they who made the final decision. It was changed though so that every family had an equal say. The Jones family was always third in line before the change, but it wasn’t good enough. They wanted to have complete control.

“The law states that if the majority of the council members voted yes the original order would be restored. There is a catch though. If that were to happen it would be Matt’s parents and Ellie’s mom restored. That isn’t the only catch though, because Ellie’s mom is divorced she wouldn’t be allowed to serve as a coven leader. Instead the Jones family would step in, but only for this generation. When it would be time for Ellie to take her place, even if she is single when she becomes the age to take over, it would be her place. If Angelica was to bound herself to Matt, through marriage, it would grant her the Ainsworth spot because they prefer coven leaders be married.” Zacky explained.

“So what exactly is her game plan?” Jimmy asked, glancing between Zacky, Matt, and I.

“She is going to kill me if she doesn’t get her way, and possibly Matt too.” I answered, leaning against Matt’s side.

“Then how do we stop her?” Brian asked, standing up and pacing.

“I don’t know.” It wasn’t the first time I’d found myself having this feeling; the feeling of complete uselessness. Sometimes it felt like I wasn’t in control of my own body, instead I was a visitor looking in at it through a window. I knew what was coming but I didn’t know how to stop it. I knew I should go confront her as soon as possible but I couldn’t. I felt so truly useless.

“Can I talk to you in the kitchen, Ellie?” Matt asked, his voice carefully measured and retrained.

I just nodded and stood up. This was one reason I hadn’t told him before, he was going to get pissed off about it. “What do you want to talk about?”

“What in the hell were you thinking? You knew this the entire time and you didn’t think I had a right to know? This isn’t something that you should keep from me and you know it!” Matt was trying to keep his voice controlled but he was struggling.

“You don’t get it do you, Matt? She doesn’t want to have to destroy you! I’m the main target because she thinks I’m what is standing in her way! The only way she is going to destroy you is if you turn her down and ruin her plan. The more you know the more danger it puts you in! That is why I haven’t told you a damn thing!”

“So you think most of it isn’t my business? Just because right now she is going after you, because I have a choice that can save me from her? That is where you are wrong! You are my girlfriend, Ellie! Not Zacky’s, who seems to know everything, mine! Like it or not I’m already involved because she is going after you, that makes it my business!”

“No it isn’t! You just said it, I’m your girlfriend and I know that. I’m not stupid thank you very much. Zacky only knows because I needed help, I needed someone to find stuff out for me and he has. I am your girlfriend, Matt, not your wife or your property. You don’t own me and I can tell you what I want to and keep what I want to a secret!”

“I have never kept a secret from you and you know it! This isn’t about you being my property, how in the hell can you say that? This isn’t some little problem that you can handle by yourself and I won’t let you!”

“I’m not going to let you get hurt! I will do whatever I have to do to make sure you are safe and it isn’t up for discussion.”

“It isn’t your place to do that! That is my place to make sure you are safe! I don’t need anyone to protect me.”

“This time, yes you do. If you get involved she will kill you, don’t kid yourself about it. And I do? I’ve never needed protecting and I sure as hell don’t need it now.”

“And you think she won’t kill you? Damn it, Ellie! You are worried about me getting hurt but if I don’t get involved then she will kill you. What is it going to take for you to see that? She probably had Star murdered to keep her quiet! You cannot deal with this alone and come out alive.”

“Maybe I don’t care anymore, Matt,” I said, lowering my voice and placing a hand on his cheek, “I’m already dead. There is a huge target on my back and its only a matter of time now. She is going to kill me regardless of who is involved. But I won’t let you get hurt because of me, I just will not do that. As long as you are okay then I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t you dare say things like that! You are only 16, it isn’t time for you to die! What about your mom? What about the guys? What about your future?”

“My mom will hurt, she’ll miss me, but eventually she’ll have to move on. I’ll find a way to make sure she knows why and that I don’t want her to hurt. The guys will have you so they’ll be fine. The band will take off and you’ll all get to live your dreams. I don’t care about it anymore.”

“Then what about me? What about our future?”

“You are young, Matt. It may take sometime but you will move on. I know that you will find someone that is great for you, just let them in when it is time. We were doomed from the start, we just weren’t meant to be. I don’t need anything else though. I’ve had you as my best friend for 16 years. I’ve experienced what it feels like to be more than friends, to kiss your lips, to love you as more than my best friend openly and without any guilt. That is all I need.”

“Well it isn’t enough for me. I need you, Ellie. I’ve always needed you and I always will. I’m not ready to loose you. If you are gone then I’m not going to be able to go on.”

“Yes you will.”

“No I won’t! I am in love with you. It isn’t some teenage infatuation, Ellie. I don’t think you understand how much. I would drop everything in my life, all my dreams and wishes, to protect you. I would literally run away from all our problems here as long as you’d come with me. And as long as it was with you I’d never look back.”

“You’d regret it someday. You would question if you made the right choice and live with a huge what-if everyday. I couldn’t do that to you. You deserve a chance at life, a chance to live your dreams, and I will not take that away from you.”

Matt’s arms wrapped around me, his hands tangled into my hair, and his lips pressed against mine. This was the thing that hurt me. Knowing what was going to happen had stopped affecting me weeks ago, as long as Matt was going to be safe. But this, feeling Matt’s pain, was unbearable.

“I won’t let it end that way,” Matt whispered, “I will find another way. I won’t lose you.”

This time I didn’t argue with him. Sometimes it was better to just let Matt believe what he wanted to be, and right now was definitely one of those times.

When I went to bed that night I expected a bloody and gory nightmare, but that wasn’t what I got. Instead I found myself in a cemetery. Of course I wasn’t actually there in a body; I was floating around the scene completely unnoticed.

At first a wave of panic swept through me. I was at a funeral but I didn’t know whose it was. The only thought I could form was, Please don’t let it be Matt. But that fear was soon smothered when I noticed him sitting in the front row. Much like he had today, he was wearing a black suit and had sunglasses covering his eyes.

For a moment I wondered if I was seeing a different version of Star’s funeral. Then I heard the minister ask, “Would anyone like to say a few final words before we bury Ellie?”

Ah, so this was my funeral, or more correctly the burial. That explained the tears rolling down my mom and aunt’s cheeks. It also explained why the guys were lined up behind my family and Matt.

Matt opened his mouth to speak but closed it. He must be mad at me, I thought, although it didn’t bother me as much as I expected it would. I could see he was safe, and very much alive, so it didn’t really matter if he was mad or not.

As my casket was being lowered into the hole Matt stood up. It was then when I realized he was holding three flowers; a black rose, a red rose, and an orange lily. He dropped them into the hole without a single word and walked back to his chair.

Then the scene change rapidly and drastically. It went from late morning and sunshine to night with a full moon. The cemetery was dark, aside from the small lights placed on some graves, and empty. I was floating before my own headstone which told me it had been at least six months since the burial. It read, Ellie S. Ainsworth. Loving daughter, friend, and girlfriend. September 30, 1981 - April 1, 1998. A jamais vivant dans nos coeurs.

The silence was disturbed by footsteps and a small beam of light. I flew behind the headstone, even though I doubt I could be seen. Matt sat down in the grass before the headstone, lying a bouquet made of red roses and orange lilies before the headstone. “I couldn’t find one with black,” He whispered, reaching out and touching the cold marble.

“I miss you so much, Ellie. And the worst part is that everyday means it has been that much longer since I’ve seen you. There was so much that you didn’t get to experience, so much that we didn’t get to experience. It isn’t fair. But I did bring you something. I wasn’t going to forget Christmas, I just haven’t been able to get here until now.”

Matt reached into his hoodie pocket and pulled out a small ring box. “I bought it in March, I just didn’t get to give it to you. Now this is as close as I’m going to get. It is a promise ring because I promise I’ll always love you, no matter what, and I’ll never forget you,” He opened the box and I couldn’t resist.

The ring was a band that was embedded with Australian crystals. The spot at the center of the band, what I assumed was the top, held a small black diamond that really stood out. I looked up at Matt’s face, he was looking at the band with sorrow. He closed the box, dug a small hole with his hands and buried it. “I love you, Ellie.”