Broken Glass and Bleeding Hearts

The weeks that followed Star’s death seemed calm and uneventful in comparison. I strived to spend as much time with my mom and my friends as I could, trying to make the most of every moment. Unfortunately, I still had to make time to deal with the whole Angelica situation and I was spending less time in reality.

Now that everyone, except for family members, knew what was going on far more time was spend brain-storming possible scenarios. Everyone had an idea and most times the ideas clashed with each other. It was becoming hard to decipher which theory fit with the others and with the facts that we knew.

Another problem was the questions vs. answers ratio. It seemed like for every one answer that we came across ten more questions came up. Of course it didn’t help that we could rarely be sure if something really was a fact.

The worst part was that no one wanted to agree on what we really knew most of the time. The only thing that was universally agreed on was that Star had been murdered. But we still couldn’t prove it to the police because we had no evidence. Likewise, we had no idea if it was Angelica or one of her minions that had actually caused the accident.

The only other thing that was agreed on by most was that Dalton had walked back into my life for a reason. Even though we all agreed on that there were many different theories as to why. Another problem was I didn’t know if I could actually trust him or not and he was spending more time around me everyday. He was also asking a lot of questions, most of which I answered with a lie.

The one thing I had kept a secret was the haunting dream that I’d had. I felt that it was something that was best if it was kept to myself. The last thing that any of us needed was Matt getting any ideas about a possible timeline.

It was the screeching sound of the final bell that brought me back to reality. Friday had finally come and I had plans with the guys tonight, but I would have rather stayed locked away in my own brain. Life just didn’t feel the same any more.

As I walked out of the classroom I noticed Dalton hurrying towards me. During the past weeks, especially the last two, I had tried my best to avoid him. But it seemed like the more I avoided him the more he tried to find me. Like so many other things, I was giving up on avoiding him.

“Hey sis,” He said, using the latest greeting he’d chosen. “what are you doing tonight?”

“Going out with the guys. Why?” I didn’t bother to stop walking. If he wanted to talk to me that bad he would follow me to my locker.

“Oh. Well what are you doing tomorrow night?”

“I have no idea. Probably going over to Jimmy’s house for his party. Why?”

“Just wondering if you might have the time to hang out some time this weekend. A little sibling bonding time.”

When I first met Dalton I had thought I understood his interest in a sibling. His life seemed miserable, I knew that he never kept friends for long and that his, technically our, dad was a drunk. I was sure that if anything he was lonely and wanted someone to talk to. Someone that wouldn’t judge or anything, just listen and maybe understand it.

The problem had originally been I wasn’t completely that person. I’d never known his life. I couldn’t really remember anything about my biological father. What I did know was from after he left, and even then all I really knew was that he was an asshole.

Now, as he stood next to my locker with a sad look on his face, I wasn’t so sure about my original assumption. When I looked at him now I wondered if he told Angelica every thing that I said. I wondered if he genuinely wanted to have a sibling relationship or if he was just relaying information.

“I don’t know, Dalton. I’ll get a hold of you some how if I find the time. If not then I’ll see you Monday.” Over his shoulder I could see Matt and Zacky walking towards us. As soon as they got close enough Dalton would leave.

“Okay. Have fun tonight.” As he hurried off Matt and Zacky joined me.

Matt looked at me and then at Dalton’s back as it he disappeared into the sea of teenagers. When Matt looked back at me there was a tinge of confusion swimming in his eyes. I didn’t need to ask him what was wrong to know. He was just as suspicious of Dalton as I was.

“What the hell is that kid’s problem with us? When ever we come around he leaves. He didn’t do that in the beginning but now its like we terrify him.” Zacky’s voice was threaded with anger and frustration.

“He is hiding something, I know he is,” Matt said, “Are you okay?” He grabbed my face, examining my eyes.

He knew things were getting worse. He saw the black, crescent shapes that rested beneath my eyes. He noticed that I spending less time in reality and more in the corners of my own brain. I was withdrawing from the world and he noticed it. I didn’t need him to say that it was scaring him to know it was true, I could see it glowing in his eyes and etched onto his face.

“I’m fine,” I said, my voice a whisper. Unwilling to allow him to see anything else, I jerked my head away.

I knew that Matt wanted to say something else, but he restrained himself. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t found myself in his situation several times recently. There were so many things that needed to be said, but the words never seemed to convey enough of our thoughts, of our emotions. So instead of fumbling around, trying to find the right words, we both just stayed silent.

Several hours later, we were all gathered at the spot. All of the guys were there, both mentally and physically. But I was only there physically, drifting in and out in the mental department. A part of me wanted to be there with the guys, to just enjoy whatever time we had left to enjoy. But the rest of my mind was too occupied.

“I think I’m going to go walk around,” I said, standing up.

“Are we boring you?” Brian joked, trying to keep the mood light.

“Not at all. I just need to clear my head. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

Trying to keep from having anyone volunteering to come with me, I hurried between the trees and onto the pathway. The park was cloaked in a thick darkness, the moon hiding behind a thick blanket of clouds. The paths were illuminated though, thanks to the street lamps that lined the concrete.

The lonely, still quiet was comforting to me tonight. The darkness that hung over the rest of the park was a physical representation of the way I felt lately. This was the most at ease my mind had felt in weeks, and even now it was restless.

I walked along the path for quite a while, enjoying being able to stay a prisoner to my own mind. There was no set destination in my mind tonight. I was just walking for the sake of doing something. Because of the state I was currently in my body wasn’t getting nearly as much activity as my mind. The walking felt good, satisfying the weak, aching craving my body had for activity.

When I found myself a few feet from the pond, I stopped. As much as I wanted to continue towards it, wishing I could sit by it and just think, I knew it wasn’t a good idea. The lighting was weak, the little bit it did have was the by product of the street lights, and it gave me the chills. Something was wrong with me but I wasn’t looking for death tonight, I still had my self preservation instincts. And tonight there was something telling me not to walk into the darkness alone.

I heard footsteps behind me. There was no attempt made to conceal the sound of the footsteps falling on the concrete. The sound of a rock skidding along after being kicked rang out like a church bell on a silent Sunday morning. Reflexively, my muscles tensed.

“I think we need to talk.” The sound of his voice relaxed my muscles but tensed my mind. The last thing I wanted to do was spill my guts to Matt, he was already dealing with too much. Hearing what was really on my mind would only make his life harder.

“I don’t think that is such a good idea.” I walked further along the path, silently praying he would be frustrated enough to turn around.

But he didn’t turn around, he followed me. Grabbing one of my wrists, he spun me around. I could see the worry in his eyes again, I could feel the unsure grip he had on my wrist. He was truly afraid to know what was going on, but at the same time he couldn’t handle not knowing anymore. And I couldn’t handle seeing him in pain.

“I’m so,” I paused to think of the right word. “conflicted. Everything I feel is double sided and it doesn’t make sense. I feel like I’d be better off dead, everyone else would be safe and I’d be out of my misery. But I don’t want to die. I’m not scared of death, but I feel like there is something else I need to do before I can die. I don’t want to leave you but I’d rather be dead than continue placing you in this danger.”

“And you feel guilty. You think that Star’s death is your fault. It feels like her blood is somehow on your hands. I’m not stupid, Ellie. I didn’t know exactly how you have been feeling but I had a general idea. But you are wrong. You are feeling conflicted because you want to live. Just like deep down you know it isn’t your fault Star was killed.

“I know that you think there is only one way out but there isn’t. You may think that things would be better for me if you were gone. Maybe because you think I’d be better off if Angelica wasn’t on my back, but that isn’t true. Without you here I’d never be better off. I need you, I’ve always needed you.” When Matt stopped, I prepared to tell him to go away, but he wasn’t listening. “Walk with me for a while.”

For a while we walked in silence. His arm occasionally brushing mine, but aside from that free of contact. I could tell that he was figuring out how to say something.

“Last year,” He finally said. “when I started turning I made a mistake. I did what someone else wanted me to do and stayed away from you. I listened to what they said, that it was the only way to protect you from what I was becoming. I knew it was only temporary, just until you started turning and I was no longer a threat to your life. But I was wrong. I shouldn’t have listened to them, I should have never stayed away from you like that.

“It confused you, and I’m pretty sure that it hurt you. But it destroyed me. I wanted to talk to you, make sure that you knew I wasn’t abandoning you. To me it seemed like I was betraying you. We’ve been friends our entire lives and I just walked away one day with no explanation.

“Now it is your turn to make a decision. Are you going to do the easy thing or what you heart tells you to do? Because I suppose the easy thing to do would be to give up. But I know your heart is telling you not to. If you give up I’m going to felt like you betrayed me. I do not want you to die. I’m not ready to lose my best friend. There would be nothing worse than being stuck with a question of what could have been. I want to know exactly where we go in the future.

“So I’m begging you. Please don’t give up, please don’t willingly accept death.”

“Its not like I want to die, Matt, I just don’t see any other way out of this. We are in over our heads, more than,” I paused, something catching my attention in the distance. As soon as I focused on the figure my muscles tensed. “Matt, run. Run now and run fast. If we have to split up then do it, but do not stop until you get back to the guys and make sure you go the long way.”

“What are you talking about? Why are we running?” Matt’s voice was a whisper now. We both knew he was aware of the basic reason why. This was just an act for the unfriendly observer lurking in the darkness.

“There isn’t any time to explain. Just do what I say and run now.”

“Be careful.”

“You too.”

The second that Matt and I took off nothing else mattered. In order to keep up the speed we needed to we couldn’t focus on where the other was. There was no way to be able to tell if the person that was spying on us was vampire or human. They were staying at a distance that was just far enough away that we couldn’t tell.

It took three minutes for me to get back to the spot. Just incase the spy was a vampire, I’d made sure no one could have possibly been tailing me. I’d expected Matt to have beaten me back but he wasn’t there.

All of the guys were standing up now, with expressions ranging from confusion to pure rage. If I wasn’t already beginning to panic I might have explained to them. But I didn’t have the time to do so yet, first I needed to know where Matt was.

Just as I was about to go start looking for him, he burst into the clearing. His face was pale and there were goose bumps decorating his arms. Before I got the opportunity to ask him what happened, he opened his mouth to speak. “We have to get out of here now. We have company and from my guess he isn’t here for a party.”

Jimmy’s house became the refuge for the night, being as his family was out of town for the weekend. It was also the closest to the park.

Everyone was gathered in the living room except for Zacky. He had ran to grab something he thought was important. I had a feeling that it was somehow connected to the person at the park. Whoever that had been was somehow connected to Angelica, that much I was sure of.

“Did you see who it was?” Brian asked.

“No. It was dark and he was pretty far away. I think if I saw him again that I would know his face, but I can’t really say if I knew him or not.” Matt answered, pulling me closer to his side.

“Are you sure he was following you guys?” Jimmy paced back and forth, a look of concern on his face.

“Yeah. When Ellie took off he started to go after her. I grabbed his attention and led him on a wild goose chase before I lost him. All I know is he was a vampire, but he was weak and slow.”

Finally I joined in the conversation, “I didn’t see anything about him. It all happened so fast that I didn’t even think about getting a good look at him. I actually felt scared.”

Before anyone else had the opportunity to say anything else, there was a knock at the door. As Jimmy walked towards the door he yelled out, “What’s the password?”

“For Christ’s sake, Jimmy!” Zacky sounded out of breath and slightly frustrated.

“I’m sorry but that is not the correct answer. Care to try again?”

“Open sesame!”

Jimmy opened the door, laughing at Zacky. Unlike Jimmy, Zacky didn’t look so happy. He rushed past Jimmy and towards Matt and I. In his hand was a stack of photos, which he tossed onto the coffee table.

“Is this the guy that was following you tonight? Because he has been following both of you for the last two and a half weeks. I didn’t want to tell either of you until I knew what we were dealing with, but now I think we all know.” Zacky watched as Matt flipped through the pictures, a grim look on both their faces.

“Yup, that looks like the guy I saw tonight. I think I know exactly who this asshole is but I’m not the one to make that confirmation,” Matt said, handing me the pictures.

I took one glance at the first one before letting out a gasp. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The proof that pretty much confirmed part of my suspicion was in my hands.

“I think it is time we have a little talk with that guy,” Matt said.