Broken Glass and Bleeding Hearts

I hadn’t actually talked to Matt in two weeks now and it was driving me nuts. I was thinking about how I would call him that afternoon when a folded piece of paper appeared on my desk as I sat in homeroom. I unfolded it and saw Matt’s writing.

Hey Ellie are you feeling any different lately?

Um no. What the hell? Are you feeling okay?

I’m fine. I was just wondering about you.

It’s weird though. Why wouldn’t I be feeling okay?

Just never mind. So does Star still hate me?

Well she doesn’t hate you, but she isn’t exactly the happiest person in the world with you right now either.

I didn’t think she would be. I really am sorry Ellie. I really am.

I know. I just want this all to be over you know?

So do I. Trust me, so do I.

Unfortunately this was the end of the note passing for that day. Star and I decided to go get fast food for lunch and escape the school for a while. We went to a burger place just down the street and ordered our food. We were already eating when the guys walked in.

Zacky saw us and waved. Naturally we waved back, and that is when Matt caught site of us. He flashed a two second smile then looked away. Jimmy gave us a smirk (which meant he knew that Matt was now talking to me again, sorta) and then went to order his food. Brian looked at Matt then at us and shook his head with a silent laugh.

The took a table fairly close to us and I realized that they were all warming back up to us. This was the friendliest they’d been since Matt’s birthday. They knew something we didn’t. I didn’t like this, but at the same time it was nice to not feel hated.

It didn’t take Star and I long to become lost in our own conversation and let the guys get to theirs. “So are you still coming over tomorrow night?” I asked her out of no where.

“It is our once a month movie night at your house. Of course I am.”

“Awesome!” Just as I said it I realized that I had sliced my finger open on the wrapper of the burger. “Aw crap.” I mumbled as I wrapped a napkin around it to stop the bleeding somewhat. I was always getting paper cuts.

“What the heck?” Star’s voice broke through. I followed her gaze to the guys’ table. All of them were looking directly at us with this strange look. They ranged in intensity from Zacky who didn’t look that interested, to Matt who was looking directly at me with the strangest expression. It was almost pained.

I wanted to look away but I couldn’t. I swear it was like we were the only two in the room at that moment. Matt took a deep breath and mouthed out “I’m sorry.” To me before he stood up and walked outside.
“That was weird.” Star commented as I nodded. I could see Matt standing outside looking away from the building.

“I’ve gotta go talk to him.” I told her standing up. But something told me to go wash my finger first. It was the weirdest thing ever, but I listened to my gut. Then I went outside to see Matt. “Uh Matt?” I asked in a soft voice.

“Yeah?” He didn’t look at me.”

“Are you okay?”

“Uh yeah I’m uh fine.”

“What just happened in there?”

“It is complicated.”

“We really need to find you a new word. Complicated is getting old.” I sighed and he chuckled. Then I realized that he must know from what he said. “Wait a second. You know what happened in there?”

“No.”

“Then why did you say that it’s complicated.”

“I’m just so used to telling you that I guess.”

“I’ll leave you alone then. I can see you want to be left alone.”

“I’m sorry Ellie.”

“Stop saying that okay? It makes it seem like this, whatever this is, will last forever.”

“Okay. See you around.”

“Bye.”

Inside Star and I finished eating and then left back to school. By the time we left the guys already had. It was a fairly silent walk back, since neither of us said anything after I told her what Matt and I had talked about. The rest of the day dragged on and on.

When I got to go home I was so happy. My mom wasn’t home when I got to our house, so I started on my homework and ate a snack. I had just finished and had cleaned up and settled onto the couch to watch about thirty minutes of TV before my mom came home when there was a knock.
I looked through the peep hole and saw Zacky standing, so I opened the door. He hadn’t came over since July so I didn’t like the surprise visit. I could only think of one reason. Something was wrong with Matt.

“Zacky! Is everything okay?” I asked almost panicking

“Yes. Calm down. Everything is okay. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“What? I’m fine.”

“You seemed pretty shaken up at lunch.”

“Oh that. Come on inside.” He followed me inside and I locked the door behind him. We sat down on the couch and looked at each other. “Zack did I miss something at lunch?”

“Yeah. But it’s hard to explain.” That was better than complicated.

“So you aren’t going to tell me then?”

“I can’t. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Is Matt okay though? He seemed pretty shaken up.”

“He still is a bit. It’s in that hard to explain and I can’t tell you thing. He is mostly worried about you though. He thinks he scared you. I mean with that creepy look.”

“Well I don’t know what is going on Zack. I mean when we hung out that one day everything seemed normal. But he is like talking a language I don’t understand now. I mean how can he be dangerous to me?”

“You’d be surprised. Listen carefully to what I am about to say okay? Above everything else, Matt is going to protect you from what you can’t protect yourself from. They only thing that is would be what you don’t know.”

“He is protecting me from whatever he is hiding.”

“Exactly.”

“When will I find out Zacky? Matt said this isn’t forever.”

“It’s not. But I can’t tell you when. I wish I could but I can’t.” That is when his phone rang. He looked at it and flipped it open. I heard Matt’s voice.

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah she’s fine. I’ll be at band practice soon.” Zacky answered then shut his phone.

“You’ve gotta go?”

“Yeah. But don’t worry Ellie, things will settle down.”

“He is having you check on me like a big brother.”

“Close.” Zacky laughed with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. I was going to ask what he was talking about, but he left before I could. Calling a simple bye over his shoulder. I grabbed the phone and dialed Star’s number.

“Hey!” She answered happily.

“They are giving me a headache.”

“Who?”

“The guys.”

“Why?”

“Zacky just came over to check on me. Matt sent him. He doesn’t tell me anything more than Matt does. I’m confused.”

“You know more than I do.”

“I’d rather know nothing. I hate secrets.”

“No you just hate no knowing the secrets.”

“Same difference. What are you doing?”

“I am watching TV and eating ice cream.”

“Ha ha, nice.”

“Pretty much. What are you doing?”

“Wishing I was watching TV and eating ice cream. I’m half way there.”

“Well go get some ice cream.”

“How about this weekend we build a catapult and get us some pigs. I think sending some pigs flying through the air would be fun.”
“We can try.” We talked on the phone until my mom cam home and we talked about nothing important. After dinner I went up to my room to do some reading. But I saw a photo album from the summer before and picked it up.

It was filled with pictures of Matt and Star and several of the rest of the guys. I couldn’t help by smile at almost all of them. But on the last page there was one of Matt and I that Star had taken. I pulled it out of the sleeve and held it in my hands.

It was before everything got messed up, when things were right. But how had I not noticed how good Matt looked? It’s like I was blind to his looks. I was usually observant so how had I missed that?

But all kinds of things flooded my mind, from the tiny clues I’d gotten, to the turn of events today, to finally realizing I didn’t know when Matt and I would hang out again after whatever had happened today. And what about that note in homeroom?

I finally plopped back on my bed and sighed. This was seriously screwed up and confusing. One big mess was what it was. At least tomorrow night hanging out with Star would get my confused mind off of whatever was going on. If only for one night at least.