Reverie

I had been more silent than usual that afternoon, trying to avoid drowning in my thoughts as I continued working on the magazine. It didn't help that it had been a duller than usual Wednesday, too, as I had to sort through all 126 shots that Martin had taken, reducing it to just five that could be used in the article. They all seemed repetitive to me - it was for an artsy thing, based on local graffiti and 'hidden talent' in Bridgend. I saw more vandalism than talent, but to each their own.

By the time the clock on my computer screen hit half five, I had barely noticed time had passed at all. It took a pat on the shoulder and a wave goodbye from Gav to knock me out of my silent world and back to reality. Somehow I hadn't even realised the guys had put the radio on, and probably wouldn't have otherwise, as it was switched off a few seconds after I was dragged down from my cloud.

I said my distracted goodbye's to Gavin and the rest of my colleagues, before finally being the last to shut down and start the process of arranging the materials on my desk back into my bag. Katie was standing by my desk, arms folded across her chest as she watched me curiously, though I didn't notice that either until she cleared her throat. I had glanced up suddenly at the sound, as if hit by a static shock.

"Sorry," I mumbled quickly in response to her questioning look. "I feel like I'm wearing blinkers today," I admitted with a half hearted and unconvincing smile. I finally finished packing my things away and pulled on my jacket, swinging my bag over my shoulder in a rush as to not keep my friend waiting any longer.

Katie pulled a troubled face as she continued to watch me carefully. "You know, I noticed. Is everything okay? You seemed fine this morning," she pushed softly as we walked from the offices. I stayed silent as we made our way to the ground floor, looking at anything other than the woman beside me. My senses seemed to have been reversed from earlier, too, which helped a little - the clatter of our heels against the stone tiled flooring in the hall echoed through my ears painfully and made a decent enough job at holding my attention.

"I'm fine... just a little distracted," I finally replied, the conversation submitting to the thundering rain as we exited the building. I covered my head with my arms as we half-jogged towards the car park, Katie considerably faster than me.

As we clambered into the car, which was sitting amongst less than half a dozen others, I heard Kate sigh loudly and shake the raindrops from her hair. I looked over at her then, half knowing what was coming next. I could almost feel it in the chilled air.

"Distracted," she started wistfully. "Sephy, you're always distracted, this is different. How are you and Toby?" she questioned critically, her genuine concern showing in her tone. I knew she would assume it was to do with Toby. It may have been out of lack of a relationship of her own, but Katie was always worried that there were going to be problems between Toby and I. According to her, we were perfect for each other. I liked to think so, too.

"We're fine, it's nothing, not like that."

"Not like that, so then it's something," she said pointedly, making me realise I had said too much. I avoided her gaze as she drove out of the car park and onto the street, rain lashing at the windshield. We were then left with each others silence, which in Katie and Sephy's world meant I needed to buck up my courage and talk. It really didn't take as long as I thought it would, either, as if the words on the tip of my tongue and the forefront of my mind secretly begged to be set free.

I knotted my fingers as I eventually spoke. "I saw someone today," I stated simply. Katie's eyes left the road for a moment to give me a strange look, pushing me to continue. "I... I saw Matt," I clarified, the name once again feeling foreign and singeing my tongue.

"Matt who?" she asked, none the wiser, though her eyebrows were deeply furrowed in thought as if she believed she should know and was forgetting. I watched her a moment longer before turning out of my passenger side window, watching the condensation clouding the glass.

"Matt, from college. Matt Tuck," I said quietly, watching raindrops clear the fogged windows as they ran down the glass. The pause that followed I was expecting, though it didn't make it any less uncomfortable for me. It was time for Katie to be the one to collect her thoughts, her memories, and assemble the jigsaw until it made some sort of sense, just as I had tried to do all afternoon. I wasn't sure if it all made enough sense yet, or had really stopped hurting as much as I had thought.

I heard her beginning to tap on the steering wheel before replying. "Wow," she breathed at first, a nervous chuckle on her chest, though not from amusement I didn't think. "Well, I wasn't expecting that one. How's he been?"

"Fine. Good, actually. He's still with the band."

"Same old, then," she said with a faint smile in her voice. "So he's home? Are the rest of the guys?"

I shrugged and turned my attention back to my friend. "I didn't ask, but probably," I reasoned, remembering Matt talk about how his band mates were already out drinking something harder than coffee. I smiled faintly at the thought, though it disappeared as soon as I realised it was there. It was wrong of me to smile at a time like this. It was wrong of me to have exchanged numbers with him and smiled and laughed in that coffee shop, too. Nothing good could come of it, I knew it.

I heard Katie hum thoughtfully. "What else happened? Did he have anything to say for himself?" she continued to question, an edge growing in tone with a scoff to accompany it.

"Well, not exactly, but we didn't have a real conversation, you know. It was a quick thing," I said, surprising myself at the small bubble of anger in me at Katie's attitude. I frowned deeply and avoided looking over at my friend as I heard her laugh mockingly under her breath.

"Of course he wouldn't," she muttered, drumming the steering wheel again as we stopped at traffic lights.

"Water under the bridge, Kate," I sighed, pressing my temple against the cool glass window.

I saw her shake her head through the reflection in the window. "That bridge was burned to a cinder, don't you think," she returned, her voice low and certain.

I chose not to reply as the lights turned green and we continued on our way. I had no clue what I was expecting of Kate when I told her, but I was hoping for a little more support than what she was showing now. She always had had a fire in her belly, but I thought after so long she would have put the past behind her. It made me question why she hadn't; what it was that could have been so hard to let go of. It couldn't have been for my sake, and if it was, it was taking a grudge a little too far, that's for sure. It was bugging me that I couldn't work it out.

I turned to glance at my friend as I saw her pinch the bridge of her nose. "I guess I'm overreacting, sorry. I didn't mean to... upset you, or whatever I've managed to do," she apologised earnestly, her voice a lot calmer than it had been a moment ago. She had obviously made her own speculations to the cause of my silence. "It kind of just caught me off guard. Blast from the past, and all that."

"I understand. I didn't exactly know how to react either," I replied honestly, sending a smile over at her for reassurance. She returned it faintly before turning back to the road, as I argued with myself whether to continue talking. I leaned towards yes. "I... got his number too. I thought it might be nice to see the old gang again, at some point," I added, tripping over my words before I braced for the impact. I didn't see any reaction from Kate at first, as if she hadn't even heard me.

We were barely two streets away from my house before as she finally replied a good thirty seconds later. "The gang, huh?" she started. "Well, if that's the route you want to take, then I guess I'm walking it with you."

"With me?"

She turned to me and smiled wide. "When - if - you meet up with them, I'll come too. Moral support and all that."

I paused, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. "You want to hurt him, don't you?"

"Yes. A lot," she responded emotionless. We shared a silent glance before a moment of laughter followed. I couldn't identify it as real or forced, but it was nice just the same. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, for either of us, but I had to make the effort. Some of the best friends of my past had the opportunity to walk back into my life, and turn everything into what it was like way back when. It wouldn't be exactly the same, it never could be, of course, but it would still be nice.

It wasn't long before Kate pulled to a smooth stop outside my house. I glanced up in distaste at the grey, falling skies before turning my attention to my friend. "Thanks for the ride."

"Any time, Sephy. Have a good night," she said with a smile, leaning across the handbrake to give me a hug. "And please don't worry about Matt. I'm sure everything will be fine. You made the right choice."

I hugged back a little harder as she said the words she knew I needed to hear - everything was going to be all right; I hadn't acted irrationally, and it was all okay. As we separated I sent her an appreciative smile, and said my goodbyes, before throwing my door open into the pouring rain. I quickly shuffled out, feeling drenched within a second, and half waved a goodbye to my friend before sprinting for the warmth of my home. Once I stepped onto the carpet, I could push all the events of the day to the back of my head and go back to reality. That's what I had decided, and I was going to stick to it. Matt shouldn't be a shadow looming over me, the darkness in my past; he should be something that moulds itself around my new life smoothly and without any trouble. That was the plan.

My cold hands fumbled with the keys for a moment before I finally stepped over the hearth and closed the door solidly behind me, the thundering sound of rain instantly dulled. I leaned my back against the door for a moment, closed my eyes, and sighed. That was the moment I had decided on, and so from that moment onwards my day was behind me, shut out with the rain.

A small 'meow' caught my ears first. I looked down to see Honey bouncing towards me in the dim hallway, effortlessly making me smile. The low sound of the television also hovered about the hallway, informing me that my fiance was home on time this evening. That made a nice change.

"Toby?" I called out as I shuffled my shoes and coat off, and set my bag down on the ground in a well rehearsed movement. I wandered down the short hall to the living room door, leaning on the frame as I poked my head into the room. I smiled as brown, sparkling eyes met with mine from the sofa, before Toby was on his feet and heading towards me.

"Hey baby, have a good day?" he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and planting a soft kiss on my forehead. "I take it it's still raining," he added, wrinkling his nose up and the rain drops littering my skin.

"It is," I confirmed, the smile yet to fade from my lips as I pressed a quick kiss to his lips in return, "and my day was okay, same old really," I lied easily. Speaking of Matt would bring no good to the evening, and, after all, that was behind me now. "How about you?"

"The same. Busy, busy, needles, blood, and broken bones, nothing to interest you," he said, poking fun at my dislike for most of the things involved in his profession. Being a doctor was a respectable job, sure, but not one I could ever see myself even thinking about going into. I had to literally be dying before I'd step foot in a hospital myself.

"Nothing to interest me is right," I spoke in distaste as I moved out of his arms and towards the sofa. As I fell into the leather clad cushions, Honey stalked into the room and jumped up beside me, clambering onto my lap with a purr in her chest. As I ran my hand along her back, Toby set himself down on the other side of me, turning to me with an expectant look in his eyes.

"So what's for dinner?" he asked with a wide, toothy grin.

I raised an eyebrow. "Who said I'm cooking? You were home first, so it should have been your job for the evening," I returned, knowing he was being playful but still being quite serious on the subject. Most evenings I'd have to make dinner and leave his in the microwave for what ever silly hour of the night he got out of work and crept into the house.

Toby sighed heavily, trying to hide the smile on his lips. "But you're better at it," he whined, rubbing his head on my shoulder as an imitation of Honey. I couldn't hold back a chuckle then, as Honey's large eyes turned to me curiously.

"Fine, but you're up to bat tomorrow," I sighed as I pulled myself to my feet, Honey leaping from my lap with me before rubbing herself against my leg. I placed my hands on my hips as I semi-glared down at Toby. "I take it you didn't feed our daughter, either?"

"Hey, your daughter," Toby corrected pointedly, making me roll my eyes. "And sure I'll cook tomorrow. It'll be all romantic, we can make a night of it. I have a late start Friday, after all," he said with a wink.

I rolled my eyes. "And since when has you making dinner meant you can have my wicked way with me?"

"Did I say that, baby? Now you're just putting words in my mouth, but I like your thinking," he added with a smirk.

I chuckled to myself as I batted him softly with the back of my hand before reluctantly wandering out into the kitchen, Honey hot on my heels. It was submissive and stereotypical of me to give in to him, to make the dinner, to do the house work, to look after the family, but it gave me a place in the home that I thrived on. I had always been a sucker for structure and regularity - and to be honest, if Toby had already cooked dinner before I got home, I really would have been thrown off. The little things meant a lot to me, and Toby knew that as much as I did.

"Preferences?" I called out to my fiance, as I pulled the cat food sachets out of Honey's cupboard and went about getting her dinner, too.

"None at all, babe. Whatever you make will be perfect," I heard Toby call back, making me smile to myself as my heart melted just like that. A few words was all it took to turn me to putty, and Toby certainly knew after five years exactly how to push my buttons. I loved that he did, too, it was so comforting to be with someone who knew me inside-out, to know the single look that could make me burst into laughter, and supportive words that would stop the tears. It was just the way life should be; the way I had always dreamed it would be.