Reverie

It was warm, for once.

I was resting my chin in my palm as I flicked through the rock music magazine I had bought that morning, which was now laying on the picnic table before me. I was mostly scanning, looking at the gig photography and who was touring, but the odd article did catch my attention. One of my favourites had been an interesting review of some band called Machine Head who seemed to be getting a lot of attention recently. The images of one of the band member's bright blond hair kept me amused, at least.

I had stopped reading to glance up at a group of girls wandering out of the intimidating building across the way, their voices easy to hear, buzzing excitedly, even at such a distance. Absent of my attention, the pages of the magazine fluttered lightly to themselves in the cool afternoon breeze. It really was a nice day, too nice to be spent alone, you could say; too nice to be sitting half-reading a magazine while the rest of the world smiled around me. Maybe I wasn't cut out for college, after all.

It was the first day of the second half term, and the first day of my new life. I had been transferred from a run-down college in Cardiff to one not much different, though a few dozen miles away, in Bridgend. Why my parents decided to down grade so drastically when they moved, I had no clue, but they had apparently fallen in love with our new house which made up for the environment it was in. From what I had seen of so far, Bridgend was a dead beat town, with inhabitants to match. Perhaps that's why we were here; I, at least, fit that criteria perfectly.

With a sigh, I returned my attention to my magazine and continued to lifelessly flick the pages back and forth, looking for anything to waste the rest of my lunch break on. One thing I did notice was that it wasn't all that exciting to look at. I probably could have designed it better myself.

It was a couple of minutes later when an unexpected shadow loomed over the table I was sat at, but it wasn't from an impending rain cloud. Instead, it was a mysterious silhouette. There was someone standing on the opposite side of the bench to me, who I hadn't even notice approaching, and they were doing a pretty good job of blocking out the rays in the process.

A mixture of curiosity with a hint of fear shivered through me, before I plucked up the courage to look at whoever wasn't moving from their spot opposite me. I squinted up at the tall figure as the sunlight hit my eyes, and they seemed to notice as they shifted their body to one side, to block the sun from my face. That was when I saw there was a smile as warm as the air around me on his lips. It was comforting, somehow.

"Hey," the stranger said simply, his voice bright. I paused as I wondered why he was talking to me. Wishful thinking led me to the conclusion he was as lonely as I was and was here to whisk me off my feet, though a more likely explanation was that he had been dared to talk to me or was just a genuinely friendly person. A girl could always lose herself in dreams, though; what fun would life be without a little imagination.

"Erm, hi," I responded after my second of thought, caution in my tone that I didn't mask.

"Are you alone?" he asked casually, nodding his head towards the bench as he spoke.

I watched him carefully, looking for some warning sign, but his eyes never even flickered from mine. "Well, yeah," I answered in a level voice, resisting the temptation to throw on an 'obviously' or say something sarcastic altogether. He seemed to approve of my answer, as his smile grew a little wider before he set himself down on the other side of the bench. I was a little lost for words, but didn't feel a need to object. After knowing the same people for so long back home, I had forgotten how to make friends. I seemed to recall that it went a little something like this, maybe.

"I'm Matt, by the way," he introduced as he settled, holding out a hand across the table, which I shook after a pause of surprise.

"Matt," I repeated, half to myself. A common name, sure, but for some reason it was one I had never really spoken before. I had never known a Matt personally. It felt a little odd to say. "I'm Sephy," I returned.

He smiled, apparently glad that I was responding normally to this conversation. "Nice name," he commented, though I think he probably was thinking 'weird name' and was being polite. "Is that the latest Metal Hammer? The one with the Machine Head article? I haven't got it yet," he added as though he had known me his whole life, resting his elbows on the table while leaning forward and twisting his head to look at the pages below me. I, too, turned my attention back to the magazine that had been left ignored on the table.

"Uh, yeah, there is," I replied quickly, flicking back to the pages with the bright blond band member staring back at me. As I thought about it, I realised that Matt's own very obviously bleached haircut (which seemed to be radiating it's own light in the sun) resembled that same vocalists. Considering he knew about the article in a magazine he was yet to read, I assumed it wasn't a coincidence.

"Here," I said once I had found it, spinning the magazine 180 and edging it closer to him, locking his attention immediately. "Knock yourself out."

Before he lost himself in the article, Matt glanced up to look me square in the face and thanked me. A large smile claimed his lips, reaching the corner of his eyes and making them glimmer with excitement. I hadn't prepared myself for the impact, of course I had no idea I would have to, and so it took my breath away for a just a split second

He had one of the most beautiful and intoxicating smiles I had ever seen.

My eyes opened into the inky dark, the extremely early morning sun low in the sky and casting a dull grey light through the curtains. I swallowed hard as I collected myself from sleep, scared to blink for what waited behind my eyelids; that beaming, heart-stopping smile of years past.

I placed a hand on my forehead, which was already harbouring a dull ache, as I rolled my head to look at Toby sleeping soundly beside me. I breathed deeply and turned back to the ceiling as my fingers ran down my face and rubbed at my eyes, pushing away the moon dust from my eyelashes, as my mother had always called it. It had been a strange day yesterday, sure, but the last thing I expected was a dream quite like that. I couldn't remember the last time I had dreamt, let alone one that felt so real - one that was real, once upon a time.

A light sigh fell from my lips as I gently moved the duvet from my body and climbed out of bed, making sure not to disturb my fiance. I padded softly across the room, pulling my dressing gown over me before sliding out of the door and out into the hall. I made tracks for the kitchen, bumping into Honey curled up on the stairs on the way, who promptly decided to follow me.

I wandered into the kitchen, flicked the lights on, and poured myself a glass of water, drinking deeply as Honey twisted herself about my ankles. I smiled lightly and cooed down at her for a moment, before some inaudible sound caught her attention and she bounded off back through the house, leaving me alone in the quiet room. I could faintly hear the buzz of the fridge and the odd chirp of early birds, but it wasn't enough to distract me from my memories.

I leaned back against the kitchen counter as I sipped at the rest of my water, trying to make heads or tails of my thoughts. I knew it was about 4am, and I knew this water was terribly cold, but other than that I couldn't process much information. I did, however, have only to close my eyes to be met with my all too vivid memories of eight years ago.There was me, aged 16, alone and timid and perceptive as ever... and then there was Matt.

Matt...

I opened my eyes from the dancing images and tilted my head back to look at the ceiling. I had a feeling in a pit of my stomach that this was my subconscious sending me a warning. Maybe I had made the wrong decision in the coffee shop, after all.

"Baby?" I heard in a croaky voice from a few meters away. I turned to the doorway to see a sleepy-eyed Toby barely standing straight, his short hair all spiked into the wrong directions. I smiled; he had always looked so cute when he was half asleep. There was something comforting in seeing someone at their most vulnerable. It made them real.

"Hey, Toby," I replied softly. "Why are you up?" I asked in a forced bright tone, my eyes darting down as Honey stalked past his ankles and back into the kitchen. Apparently Toby had been what had caught her attention before.

A sheepish smile claimed Toby's face. "You... disappeared," he spoke both confused and accusingly, like a young child and with a pout to match.

I chuckled softly and looked at the ground. "I was just thirsty," I replied, looking back up into his eyes and holding my half-full glass up a little more. "Go back to bed, I'll be there in a minute."

"Are you okay?" he asked critically, appearing more awake and aware the longer he stood in the chilly room.

I couldn't help but smile at his concern. "I'm perfect, really, just thirsty."

Toby seemed content with my act, as he nodded to himself before backing up and heading towards the bedroom once more. I finished my water and placed the glass in the sink, before taking a deep breath and following after my fiance. I seemed to have calmed my racing heart, and that image painted on my eyelids wasn't quite so vivid anymore. It was, after all, just a dream; though a dream that I still shouldn't really have had. I thought I was past all this.

When I got back to the bedroom, I hung my dressing gown onto the back of the door once more, before crawling into bed beside Toby. Honey had made her way in, too, and was already curled at the foot of the bed. As I pulled the covers over my shoulders to block out the cold, something much like guilt weighed down my chest as my eyes settled on the man beside me. I wasn't sure why, but I suddenly felt as though I had done something awful to him.

Unable to deal with the pressure building in my chest, I decided to lie facing the outside of the bed. Barely a minute had past before I felt the bed shift behind me, and Toby's chest pressed itself against my back as an arm slung lazily over my waist. The warmth sinking through my thin vest wasn't comforting, but instead made my skin crawl. I took another deep breath as I focused on reality. I knew I'd be lost for the rest of the morning, or maybe even the rest of the day, but it would fade after that; it would become just another dream.

I managed to relax my body as I focused my mind on events of the weeks past; the time me and Toby visited my parents for dinner, the time we went out for an evening drink on his day off, the mornings we spent just laying in bed in each others company. I slowly brought my hand up in front of me to look at the platinum band wrapped flawlessly about my ring finger. I remembered the day, the moment, that it was placed there. All of it was enough for me to grab the reigns of my buried memories and throw them back into their grave, at least for tonight. Perhaps I could sleep peacefully for just a few more hours.