Reverie

It had been over a week since I had last seen Matt, on that rainy day in Bauhaus coffee house. Katie hadn't brought it up again, and I assumed that she thought nothing of it. We met, we said goodbye, we got on with our lives. The dreams had dimmed, too; they weren't vivid enough to recall, but every morning when I woke up I felt like something was screaming at me in the early morning light - something that was just out of reach. I couldn't place it, but I knew better than to try and force myself to remember. It was better that my subconscious had it's own run around while I wasn't aware.

I changed the familiar disc in my CD player to one which was simply slipped into a clear plastic wallet. It was one of those re-writable discs, and it had some illegible writing across the top. Kate had asked me to take my turn in contributing to the magazine, which was to write a short review of some local music. Apparently having a regular music article in the magazine was the way to go; readers lapped it up, or something like that.

I continued my ventures about the living room, tidying up, dusting and polishing everything I could lay my hands on. I hadn't really had a spare moment to give the house a good clean in a while, and this dreary Saturday morning seemed like as good a time as any. It was, in fact, improved by the music flowing from the stereo, which was a surprise. The demo seemed to be made by some pop punk band, and it was catchy enough to have me bobbing my head to as I cleaned.

Almost predictably, it wasn't long before my Sephy time was interrupted. The first song on the CD had only just come to an end before a pint-sized Tortoiseshell cat skidded into the room and leapt up onto the coffee table, leaving watery, muddy paw prints in her wake. I sighed loudly, my hands finding my hips as I watched Honey looking up at me with large eyes.

"What am I going to do with you, Missy," I chuckled as she mewed at me. I rolled my eyes and leaned down to scoop her up in my arms, moving back through the room, my bare feet stepping carefully around the wet paw prints. Her fur, too, was a little damp - enough to tell me it had probably been raining but had stopped now. She had most likely picked up the raindrops left clinging to the grass outside.

I sighed as I looked at the muddy prints littering the carpet in the hall as I moved through into the kitchen. Maybe neutral tones hadn't been such a great idea in a family home, though saying that, it wasn't so much a 'family,' more 'one girl, her cat, and her spouse.' Just the same, it wasn't terribly practical, and it was an awful pain to keep clean.

I got into the kitchen, placed Honey down on the granite worktop, and grabbed a towel that was hanging over the edge of her basket. I quickly gave her a rub down, head to paws; Honey crouching low in recoil from the vigorous movements. When I was done, Honey sat up straight, shook her fur, and leapt from the counter, sprinting back into the hall and up the stairs. She didn't look at me once, apparently mad at me drying her off. I smiled it off; better her cold shoulder for a couple of hours than a dirty home.

As I turned back to look at the trail of prints running in from the cat flap, I sighed heavily. I had already cleaned the kitchen floor once today, I really wasn't in the mood to do it again. Chewing on the inside of my mouth, arms folded across my chest, I looked around absently at the mostly wooden furnished room. After a few seconds my eyes settled themselves on the kitchen table, where my laptop was sat idle, with some papers beside it (my phone acting as a paper-weight) and my bag slumped against the chair leg below. I bounced on my toes a little as I glanced around the room, from the mess on the floor and back to the laptop, before deciding it was time for a break. I really should have finished cleaning the house first, but it wasn't as if Toby was going to walk in at any moment to lecture the whole world and his dog about the state of the carpet.

I slid onto the chair and opened my laptop, it being in sleep mode and sparking back to life in seconds. I clicked play on my itunes and opened the internet almost instantaneously, my fingers automatically leading the way to my favourite web pages and social networking haunts. I bopped my head to the sound of Feeder and the tapping of my fingertips on keys as I maneuvered about the pages of the internet. I started singing to myself softly, before I realised what I was doing and blushed to myself. Toby always told me to stop singing; said he had enough cat wailing from Honey. I chewed my lip and sighed, some distant words echoing in my head at the thought, but without a voice to place them. I shook them off quickly, just before my attention was stolen by something on the screen in front of me, that really made me stop. It wasn't really what I had been expecting to find, but maybe, at the same time, it was meant to be.

'Bullet For My Valentine: back in the studio?' was the headline. It was from some low-key website that I checked up on from time to time. I was into just about any type of music, but this site was the best for the in between - the underground going mainstream - which was always nice to be at the foreground of knowledge about. Was that what Matt's band was now, then? Were they really about to get their moment?

I scan read through the article, realising from the wording the reporter had chosen that it was mostly speculation. It was the kind of thing you picked up easily when you worked in the business yourself. The only details he seemed certain of was that the boys from Bullet were back home and taking some time off, but the rest of it was pretty sketchy. The article also had an mp3 player embedded at the bottom, which was when I realised I hadn't actually heard a note from them at all. I didn't suppose they sounded like Jeff Killed John anymore.

I tapped at the edge of my laptop, thinking deeply, before deciding to pause itunes and hit play on the Bullet song. I waited eagerly for it to buffer, and was surprised by what I heard when it finally did. It started off with a bang, obviously an aggressive song, and a world away from what I had known of those boys before. They used to play fast, jumpy music; never anything this heavy, and I'd only ever heard Matt sing this way a couple of times, too. None the less, I enjoyed it quite a bit. They really were pretty good.

I closed the window and continued my internet stalking, though found I had the beat of the song and Matt's tones replaying in my head. I couldn't recall the words, but just the sound of his voice seemed stuck on repeat. It reminded me far too much of my memories - more often than not I couldn't remember the words of my past, but I could still see the scenes perfectly. I could see all the guys eight years ago, and their practise room, and college, and Matt.

It was then I realised I had stopped typing; stopped paying attention to the words and images on the screen. So many minutes had passed the light of the laptop screen had even dulled slightly. I took a deep breath as my eyes wandered down to my phone, curiosity consuming me. I could see us now, sixteen and sitting around at someone's, anyone's, house, just talking and laughing and enjoying each others company. I remember Matt's earnest request for us to all 'catch up.' There was a lot left unsaid, that much was true. Would it really be worth bothering again?

I plucked up my phone and rotated it in my hand a couple of times, judging the weight of it as my eyes danced between the small handset, the laptop, and the bag at my feet.

"What the hell," I breathed, launching my arm sideways to reach for my bag and pull it up into my lap. I located the small receipt easily in the front pocket of my bag, turning to the back to see the Matt's scrawly handwritten number across it. I could feel myself becoming nervous as I carefully typed up the number, hit call, and held the phone to my ear.

The ring tone rang on for what seemed like forever. I told myself it was just because I was nervous, though, but my hopes were diminished when a beep was heard.

"Hey, it's Matt. Leave a message."

I paused, not expecting to have to speak to a recorder. "Uhm. Hi Matt, it's Sephy. I was just calling to, well, uh... well it doesn't matter," I let out a nervous squeal and tried to calm myself. I had never been a fan of phones. "You know, just give me call back when you get this. Bye."

I hit end call as fast as I could and half-slammed my phone back down onto the papers it had been sitting on before. It was then I realised my hands were shaking. I took a deep breath as I leaned back on the chair, running my fingers through my hair and staring out the window opposite me. Well, I guess you couldn't win them all. I jumped suddenly, then, as a small meow came from behind me. I turned to see Honey standing in the kitchen doorway, rubbing her side against the frame. I smiled at her, pushed down the screen of my laptop, and rose from my chair to move towards her.

"Better luck next time, hey Honey," I cooed, bending down to run my hand down her back as I walked past. She bounced after me as I returned to the living room to finish my cleaning. I decided it was probably best to sort out the rest of the lounge before my attention moved onto the muddy paw prints still scattered across the floor.

An hour and a lot of water and washing up liquid later, the house was spotless - including the carpet. I locked the cat flap for a while, too, looking forward to having a nice clean home for a little longer; that was unless Toby decided to bring some pigs home for us to look after.

I sighed contently as I looked about the house, feeling like I had had my work out for the day. The garden still needed tending to, but it really wasn't the weather right now. I'd get out there, or push Toby out, as soon as it brightened up a little. After all, Spring was upon us, and the garden needed a little more colour.Toby had said when we first moved in that the garden would be his department, but I was pretty sure all the plants we had out there at the moment would be dead if it wasn't for the rain and a little tending from me every so often.

I fell back onto the sofa, letting myself sink in to the cushions, and switched on the TV. I officially had nothing else to do with my weekend, though I could of caught up on some graphic work and maybe wrote that review for the magazine, but why waste all my activities at once.

I flicked idly through the television stations for a good five minutes, unable to settle on a channel, before the sound of Domination rang out through the house. My phone was ringing. I dropped the remote at my side and dragged myself to my feet again with a heavy sigh, before I remembered I had called Matt earlier, and suddenly a little extra speed got into my pace as I headed for the kitchen. I moved in on the table, snatching up my phone from the table and not even checking the caller ID. It had to be him.

"Hello?"

There was a pause at the other end of the line for just the briefest second. I wondered if whoever was yet to greet me was about to rang up.

"H-hi. Hi Seph, it's Matt," I heard my caller say after clearing his throat. The smallest of smiles crept onto my lips, though it was a nervous one. I wasn't quite sure what to say, and we stayed in silence for a good few seconds longer.

"You called me earlier, right?" Matt started first. "I got your message, I was practicing with the boys, didn't hear my phone," he explained slightly distractedly.

"Oh, sure, that's fine," I replied, sitting down in the chair beside my laptop. "I was just, you know, ringing to say hi." I paused, realising that was a lie. "And like, uh, you know. Just wondered what you were up to, now you're home, and that. Where are you staying, anyway?"

I heard a hushed voice on the other end of the line, as if Matt was talking to someone else. "Oh, uh I have an apartment in Cardiff. It's not much, pretty small, but it's... home, I guess," he explained. "Sorry, Jay's being a dick," he added bluntly, answering my unasked question of who else had his attention. I heard him laugh at the other end of the line. "And he didn't appreciate the public insult."

I smiled, amused. "Jay?"

"Oh right, you haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet. Jay's our bass player," he explained. The bass player, right. So he was Nick's replacement, then. I wondered what had happened to him and Evie. If they had left the band, surely they would have come back to Bridgend. I was curious as to why I never heard from them again.

"So, are you pretty busy, then?" I asked, realising I had said too much earlier and only got a response for one real question. I was turning into Katie with her chatter-box mouth.

I heard Matt hum thoughtfully. "You know, not really. Why, do you want to meet up?"

I felt myself blush a little out of nerves. "Well, yeah I was thinking about it. I spoke to Katie, too. She said she'd like to see you guys again," I added as casually as possible. I'd definitely feel uncomfortable going it alone, and I wanted to make it clear to Matt I didn't want another coffee shop episode; I wanted to see everyone.

Matt paused before I heard the penny drop. "Jesus, Katie... Hart? So you two are still thick as thieves."

I nodded even though he wouldn't see it, raising my hand to stroke Honey who had jumped up onto the table and had settled down beside my laptop. "Yeah, we've pretty much always been together. She's my manager now, actually. Got me my job, too," I added on, for conversational sake.

"Huh, small world." Matt seemed to trail off into his thoughts in his silence, or maybe Jay was talking to him again. "Well, I know it's a little short notice, but you could come over later if you like. We're not doing much, probably just hanging out at mine with a few beers," he paused. "Or tomorrow, if that's better. Anytime, really, it's not as if I have a schedule to stick to."

I chewed on my lip as I thought about it. It was getting pretty late in the day, going out later would mean it would be late evening. Toby might not be thrilled with me up and disappearing. "Tomorrow, that's probably best," I replied. "I can get hold of Kate then, too, and make sure I'm all ready for Monday."

"Tomorrow it is, then. Would you mind coming over to mine? I know it's a little out of the way, I could always ask one of the guys to donate their place for the evening."

"Oh, it's fine. It's not that far," I reasoned."Early afternoon?"

I heard the smile in Matt's voice. "Perfect. I'll text you my address later, not that you'd lose it anyway, but you can relay it to Kate then," he explained. I smiled at little at his comment. It was small, insignificant to most people, but it meant a lot. It shone through to me.

"Perfect," I replied. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, I better get on to Katie."

"Yeah, cool," he replied nonchalantly, apparently distracted by his friend as I heard shuffling and hushed words once again.

I smiled, Honey's eyes meeting mine. "Have a nice evening, Matt."

"You too, Seph. Bye."

I looked down at my phone for a moment after we both hung up. I had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that I couldn't place. It was somewhere between foreboding and nervous butterflies. I wasn't sure if it was positive or not. Either way, I wasn't going into this alone. I hit speed dial four, hoping that Kate was just as unoccupied as I was.

The phone didn't ring for half as long as it had the first time I had rung Matt, before a bright greeting met my ears.

"Hey Katie, are you busy tomorrow?" I asked straight away. I didn't have the patience for idle chit chat. There was suddenly a shot of adrenaline in my veins that I needed to ride out.

"Oh, don't ask me how I am or anything," she chuckled playfully. "Tomorrow? No I don't think so, why's that?"

I took a deep breath to slow my heart which had started racing. "I, well... I sorta." I bit my lip, thinking. "Want to go see the college guys? Matt's having a get together at his, we're invited," I blurted out in a rush.

She paused for a moment, before sounding suspicious. "Invited, uh-huh, yeah. Liar. Did you call him?"

"No!" I responded by default. It was technically true, the phone call in which the conversation took place was when he called me. "Okay maybe. But he made the suggestion." Another semi-lie. Why was I being so cagey about this? Was I really that scared of what Katie would think of me?

Katie paused. "Well, I don't mind going. It would be nice to catch up, and rip Matt's throat out, maybe," she said with a profound note in her tone. I scowled even though she wouldn't see it; she still was under the impression I needed someone to look after me. Maybe sometimes that was true, but it was just Matt, and it was just a 'catch up.' There was nothing awful that could come of it, I was sure. Maybe at worst a couple of embarrassing memories, but I knew that night wouldn't be brought up at least. We were all much more mature than that.

"So you're in?" I asked for clarification.

I heard a sigh. "Yes, I'll go. Do I need the car?"

"Yeah, I'll give you some petrol money. Matt lives in Cardiff, now."

"Snazzy," she stated. "Well, alright then, I was actually in the middle of watching something, so I'll see you tomorrow. What time do you want to get picked up?"

I thought about it, wondering what the chances were of us getting lost trying to find Matt's apartment. I knew some parts of Cardiff pretty well, after all, I had lived there until I was 18, so I hoped that would help out a little. "About two? I said we'd be over early afternoon."

"Sure thing," she said, sounding distracted. I was almost certain she was writing it down - she usually did. "Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah okay. Bye Kate."

"See ya, Sephy."

After hanging up I placed my phone back on the table, and leaned back in my chair, feeling the buzz in my veins slowly dissolving. I pushed up my laptop screen to check the time, and saw that Toby was due home in about half an hour. I knew when he got home I'd have to tell him about tomorrow, and also knew what had to be said. I was spending the afternoon with Kate, that was it, just like always. I didn't think bringing back college memories would be too good... for either of us.