Reverie

I was stood in a small converted garage, suddenly feeling more lost than usual. There was a sofa pushed back against the wall opposite me, but no one was using it. Instead there were a handful of people, around my age, scattered about on the floor in two small groups. I took a quick scan of the room, glancing back to the door we had entered through and across to the other side. Amps lined the far wall, almost hiding the brick-work, and cables littered the floor. There was also an extremely well loved drum kit in the corner behind me, which was precariously sitting beneath a shelf that looked like it was going to collapse at any moment from all the weight on it. I was surprised by how well lit the room was considering the lone bulb hanging from the ceiling, and it was pretty toasty, too, considering the weather outside.

After skulking out the place, I looked up at Matt beside me. If I had been trying to stand in his shadow any more, I'm pretty sure our bodies would have been touching. He seemed to notice, and sent me a warm, reassuring smile. For some reason, it was enough. If these people were his friends, then they couldn't have been ogres. We had to have something in common, and they had to be nice. That's what I kept telling myself, at least.

We hadn't made much noise on the way in - the door didn't even creak or slam - so I was pretty sure no one was yet aware of my presence, which gave me some kind of comfort. That changed in the next 5 seconds.

"Hey, guys," Matt announced loudly, his voice elevated and filling the room. "Say hi to Sephy."

There was a brief pause before I received simultaneous greetings, head noddings, and smiles, as all five pairs of eyes fixed on me. No one even turned to Matt once. I swallowed hard and sent a crooked smile and an awkward wave towards the group of strangers, soaking in the panic. I was rarely a good people person.

"Uhm, hi," I choked, my mouth drier than I expected it would be. I quickly cleared my throat and turned to my feet, embarrassed.

Matt walked away from me and closer to the group, then, until he was towering over them. I followed timidly but hung back a little, while he spoke again. "Sephy, this is Moose and Kat," he started, pointing to the couple leaning against the bottom of the worn sofa. I noticed as Kat sent a heated death stare in Matt's direction, which he either didn't notice, or didn't care about. "And over there is Padge, Evie and Nick," he finished. Evie sent me a large smile and a friendly wave, while the other two sported half-hearted smiles. I frowned slightly to myself; I had been hoping for a little more group enthusiasm, but then again, I was probably expecting far too much.

As everyone returned to their conversations a moment later, I was almost certain I had forgotten their names already. I sighed inwardly, turning to my feet again before I felt Matt move back beside me and give me a nudge in the arm. I glanced up at him in question and he sent me another smile, nodding his head towards the people in front of us. His smile always held so much hope.

"Hey, Sephy," a voice called out suddenly, my head whipping round. My eyes settled on the girl who had glared at Matt earlier - Kat, I vaguely recalled. She sent me a smile as our eyes met briefly. "Come sit with us," she invited. I froze for a second, unsure, and sent a glance to Matt beside me, almost for confirmation. His smile grew into an amused one, and he raised his eyebrows in an act of pushing me on.

It was then that I took a deep breath, calmed my racing heart, and walked over to the couple on the ground. I sat down beside them with a bright smile on my face, and it was returned by one just as friendly and another goofy and over-exaggerated. It was odd, but in that moment, I didn't feel quite so alone anymore.

I felt a nudge in my arm, and looked up to see I was no longer facing a black-painted door. Matt was looking down at me with one eyebrow raised and a confused expression claiming the rest of his face. It took me a moment to get up to speed, but when I did, I chuckled under my breath and lowered my chin bashfully. I had had a dream something like that last night. Apparently my idle mind decided it was the perfect time to remember it.

"You okay there, Seph? You spaced out on me then," Matt said, honesty in his tone mixed with subtle laughter. I could tell he was genuinely concerned but was trying to play it off for a joke.

I breathed in deeply through my nose to clear my head, before turning back to crystal blue. "Yeah, sorry," I breathed out. "You shouldn't take so long answering the damn door," I teased, glancing at Katie beside me. Her thoughtful expression turned into a smile as our gaze met.

"Well, come on in," Matt started, standing to one side so the two of us standing out in the cold apartment hallway could pass. Katie and I shared a glance, before I knew I was the one who had to go first. I sighed inwardly, stepping over the threshold and into the neutral coloured hall. As I stopped a little way in, my eyes wandered the very minimalistic decor curiously. I guess he didn't live here often enough to make it special. I then caught sight of a few familiar figures at the opposite end of the hallway, in the room beyond, and was suddenly filled with excitement and wonder. I tried to guess in my head how my old friends now looked, and spoke, and acted. If Matt was anything to go by, then I was in for a shock.

"You find the place okay?" Matt asked off-handedly. He had closed the door and now taken the lead, walking a few paces ahead of me as we worked our way towards the room at the end.

"Yeah, no thanks to Sephy," Katie piped up from behind me. Matt chuckled lightly and I sent a scowl behind me at my friend.

"It's not my fault, I'm not a walking A-Z of Cardiff, you know," I replied indignantly, no more needing to be said. I hadn't been here in about a decade, and even back then I didn't know it all that well.

I heard Matt sigh at the banter, happily, I think, as we stood in the doorway of the large, open-plan, living room, with a kitchen over on the far side. My eyes wandered all the figures in a rush, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips as I watched them all laughing together, having not even noticed we'd arrived yet. I heard Matt and Katie having a brief greeting to the side of me, but I was suddenly too full of memories to pay attention. It reminded me so much of our first night.

Moose was sitting on the sofa, eyes fixed on the TV, Padge was standing behind the kitchen counter, and who assumed to be Jay, was shuffling about the empty space between the two. Each of them had a beer bottle in hand - in fact I think Padge even had two. As I walked further into the room, Padge's eyes fell on me first.

"Sephy!" he called over, dragging out my name. "Wow, how you been keeping? You're looking good," he continued as he sauntered from the kitchen across to the main living area.

I smiled, appreciating the compliment and studying my old friend. Like Matt, his hair was now ridiculously long, and he had a monster of a beard to go with it, but other than that he hadn't changed very much. "I'm doing great, thanks. Hows things?" I returned, as I notice Katie and Matt had broken up behind me, the former making a beeline for Moose, who I noticed hadn't changed a bit in 8 years.

Padge shrugged his shoulders a little while smiling profoundly. "Can't complain, you know. Living the dream," he said, his smile stretching. "Well, sorta," he added, a thoughtful look crossing his face as he glanced around at his surroundings. I smiled at him brightly, pretty sure his dream didn't involve such a small living space. "You want a beer?" he added suddenly, holding up both his hands to illustrate his point.

I chuckled lightly. "No, I'm fine, it's a little early for me. I'll have a soft drink if there's any around, though," I added, already feeling quite at home amongst my old friends. Padge inclined his head and smiled in response, before turning on his heels and trudging back to the kitchen.

As I glanced around once more at the slightly scattered group, I took in a deep breath, calming the slight shake I could feel throughout my body that had kicked in with the adrenaline. While I had felt perfectly fine talking to Padge only moments ago, I suddenly felt lost. I wasn't whether to sit - or where to sit for that matter. I wasn't sure whether I should introduce myself to Jay, or interrupt Moose and Katie, or follow Padge as he returned to the small kitchen area.

My decision was made for me as I saw Matt emerge from the kitchen a few moments later, weaving around Jay and walking over to me. As he got closer, he held out his left hand, which was holding a can of coke. "Diet, right?" he asked in an almost cocky tone, taking a swig from a beer in his opposite hand.

I smiled and took the cool drink from him. "Right."

He grinned at me. "That's a genius mind for you," he said proudly. "Why don't you sit down?" he added, as more of a command than a question. I glanced to my side to see the small sofa was entirely taken up by Moose and Katie, and all that was left was a single armchair beside it. I bit my cheek in thought, thinking it would be rude to leave Matt without a seat, as it was his place.

"Uh, I'm okay, I can stand," I said, gaining an are-you-stupid look from Matt. "Or I can just sit on the floor," I added, realising I really couldn't just stand idly for however many hours we planned to stay here for.

"Seph, just sit down. Relax," Matt chuckled. I hesitated a moment before smiling at him, crossing my legs and lowering myself to the ground fluidly. I looked back up at Matt who now towered over me more than usual, and saw him roll his eyes. "I meant in the chair," he said in a dull tone.

"It's not too bad down here," I returned, pouting slightly in thought. It really wasn't; the carpet was in good condition, probably from lack of use. I even stroked and patted the space in front of me lightly for emphasis. I heard a low chuckle from Matt, before his body dropped to join me on the floor. "Wha... Hey!" I complained as we became eye-level. "You're meant to be the one in the chair."

Matt raised an eyebrow at me. "You've got stranger, you know that?" he asked teasingly, taking another swig from his bottle.

I pouted lightly in protest while I remembered my own drink in my hand. I tapped the top and cracked the seal of it, as the two of us stayed silent for a few minutes. I listened to the buzz of voices around us, Padge and Jay's laughs from the other side of the room, and Moose and Katie chatting happily just beside us. It was just like back then, almost.

"They seem to be getting on well," Matt said suddenly, breaking my thoughts. I looked at him as he nodded his head towards the sofa. I looked at the couple talking as if they done it everyday, bright smiles on their faces.

"Yeah," I smiled, glad to see my best friend so happy and at ease. She was stressed out far too often than was good for her. "Though it doesn't surprise me, Kate's flame for Moose never quite died."

Matt nodded gently, before he turned back and looked at me thoughtfully. If he was planning to say something, he didn't, and instead looked back across the room to the other two men. "That's Jay, by the way."

"I guessed."

Matt smiled. "Yeah, he's a good guy. Parties hard as hell, but he's great at what he does," he explained. "He was actually the year below us at college, didn't really talk to him much back then though, saw him at a couple of college shows," he continued, turning back to me.

I studied the man across the room, thinking deeply. "I don't think I recognise him," I said, but shrugged. "Not that I really knew a lot of people." Matt nodded, drinking much more deeply from his beer this time. "How can you drink so early in the day? Like, seriously drink," I asked curiously.

Matt pulled a face. "This isn't serious drinking, it's a beer."

"Padge has two," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but... that's Padge," Matt defended feebly with a smile. As I shook my head, Matt watched me thoughtfully, before leaning his face closer to mine. I felt a little startled as his eyes studied mine critically, his nose inches from mine. "You're little miss prim-and-proper now, aren't you?" he asked with just a hint of a smile, moving back again as he poked his index finger into my forehead. "I guess I should have suspected it."

I furrowed my brow, feeling as though that was an accusation. "I'm not prim and proper, I'm just... I don't know, normal?"

He pulled a sarcastic expression. "Uh-huh. Seph, you speak better than most, you dress well, you have business cards and a 9 to 5 job... hell, I bet you drink fancy cocktails on the weekends and go horse-back riding through the valleys," he said, a hint of amusement in his tone. I, however, didn't see the funny side to his little ramble. In fact I felt a little insulted that he was suddenly being so judgemental of me.

"Oh, well I'm sorry I'm not rock and roll enough for you," I said after a moment, folding my arms and not even bothering to honour him with my gaze.

Matt exhaled sharply, perhaps realising he had overstepped his boundaries. "Aw c'mon, I didn't mean that-"

"You did, Matt," I replied bluntly, giving him a hard look. He sighed and glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck as we fell into silence again. My gaze wandered over the rest of the people in the room, oblivious to the uncomfortable atmosphere around the two of us. They were all far too wrapped up in smiles.

"Seph I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," Matt said quietly, as if he was worried someone would overhear. "I just... you're just different, that's all. You used to be more of a live wire... well, once we got past your little nerve issues. I don't know, I guess that's just how I know you."

I smiled a little sadly at his words. "Guess you don't really know me then, huh," I said quietly. Matt's eyes met with mine, a mix of negative emotions clouding them. I looked away a few seconds later and sighed to myself. I thought this would be fun and exciting, and I thought it would do something about all these dreams and thoughts in my head. Maybe this was what I needed, though; a little taste of reality. I wasn't 16 anymore. Almost a decade had passed, and none of us were the same people anymore. I knew that more than most.

"Hey, it's Seph, right?"

Matt and I looked up simultaneously as Jay stood in front of us. I took a sideways glance at Matt, and noticed him tighten his jaw.

"Uh, it's Sephy, but yeah," I said, putting on a bright smile and holding a hand out to the man above me. He was much shorter than the rest of the guys, but I imagined he'd still have some height on me if I was standing. We shook hands momentarily, and I noticed Matt was looking anywhere but towards me. "Jay, isn't it?"

"Ah, call me anything you want," he said with a grin, giving Matt a wink. Matt rolled his eyes to a close and shook his head slowly. "So I heard you and Matt were close back in the day," he continued, being the one to finally claim the empty chair beside us, and looking down over the arm at us.

I nodded. "Back in the day," I confirmed. Matt shifted uneasily beside me, and I was almost sure he was going to stand up and leave, but he surprised me when didn't. Although the air was a little awkward between us, it seemed he was mature enough to deal with it, which I appreciated. It was then that I realised this conversation with Jay was probably an attempt at tugging out my memories to find out what he had missed with the guys when they were younger. Matt was probably more worried about leaving us alone and some great secret being uncovered than he was about what had just happened between us.

I tried to keep my expression somewhere between neutral and cheerful as Jay's mouth formed sentence after sentence of small talk and questions, but my replies were not quite as in depth as I expected he wanted. What he was looking for were some secret tales of teenage debauchery, but what he was going to get was only a stunted version of the truth. The original memories I had locked away far too long ago to be able to find the key for them now. To be honest, I didn't even know if a key still existed outside of my subconscious mind.