Nobody Knows

As I stared at the picture, I thought about my life

I never had the chance of turning out right. I was merely the product of a one-night stand. But I don't dwell on it too much. My three younger sisters were as well. So with a mother as flighty as ours, it was little wonder I was sitting in the predicament I was. It fell like a life time ago since that one day... the one that had caused my life to do a complete one-eighty.

It had started innocently enough...

On my way home from class, I swung by the chemist's, to develop some photos, when I happened to catch sight of them. Something I remembered I hadn't used in a while. And after staring at the tampons for ten full minutes, my eyes glazed over to the pregnancy tests.

And that's how I ended up sitting on the bathroom floor staring at the little stick. I had known I wouldn't be able to wallow much longer though, I could hear my boyfriend walking through the front door. I can recall his voice perfectly...

I threw the damn photo frame across the room, which probably wasn't the best move. After the loud crash I could hear the sniffling and whimpering in the next room. I sighed and was headed for the room when I heard foot-steps behind me.

"Thought you wouldn't mind if I left myself right in," my younger sister assumed as she walked into the room, "where's Kyle?" She raised her eyebrows when she saw the destroyed photo frame and the photo it contained.

"In our bedroom."

I was waiting for it.

"That's no more than he deserves, Alison." Charlotte said as she nodded towards the photo.

And there it was.

Charlotte slowly walked over to the photo, and being extremely cautious not to cut her hands, looked at the photo. It was of me and him in happier times. Me with my trim figure, and long chestnut-brown hair thrown into a ponytail. Him with his short hair messily sticking out in all directions. Both of us in a simple t-shirt and shorts ensemble. I felt like punching my sister when she tore it in half.

"You have to move on Alison, this is not going to work.”

"You don't know that." I snapped.

"Ally just come home!" Charlotte pleaded, her blue eyes almost welling up with tears. I hated the way she could turn the waterworks as easy as that. She babbled on. "Come on me, Mom and Jessie want you back! And I bet Kyle, Dylan and Alex would get on famously! Just come home! Please!”

"He might come back. He might have changed his mind." I muttered. Crap. I could feel the tears start to fall. “If it, if it weren’t for-” I couldn’t finish.

Charlotte paused before she carried on, brushing a stray chocolate brown lock behind her ear. "Ally... you can't blame Kyle for this."

I couldn't help it, I started sobbing uncontrollably. “I know, I know.”

“Robin probably would never have stayed. Even if Kyle had been the boy he wanted. The boy he would name his father after.” Charlotte continued, as she knelt next to me.

“I almost had her put up for adoption you know. After he left.” I choked out.

“I know. But you didn’t. And you have a beautiful little girl and that’s all that matters.” Charlotte said as she rubbed my back.

“Do you know what scares me most?” I cried as I turned to look at my younger sister. The one who seemed to deal with rejection a hell of a lot better than I could. The one who was looking after her own daughter, of a similar age to mine, a hell of a lot better than I was. The one who was staring at me at the moment with a mixture of pity and fear in her eyes.

“What? That he won’t come back? That your daughter will grow up without a father? That she’ll resent you for that?” Charlotte was hazarding several guesses. None were spot on. They close, but still incorrect.

“No,” I whispered, “My biggest fear is that she will grow up and wish that I had gone through with the adoption.”