Status: Inspiration and ideas are present, hopefully chapters are fast and frequent. :D
Thinking of You
Chapter 38
I woke up to sunlight streaming through my window and my alarm clock beeping. I reached over and hit the snooze button, staring up at the ceiling. You can get through the day today, Kristen. Every day got a little bit easier. The first few weeks were the roughest. The days after my surgery were the worst. It was most real then. I would not be a mother. The life that was in me was quite literally gone.
It had been nearly a year and a half since Joe and I heard those words that would change our lives. For months I had stayed with my parents, my mother taking care of me every minute of every day. She was never completely supportive or happy about my "pregnancy" but she was still my mom. She was still always going to be there for me. She knew how much that baby was going to mean to me. And how much it killed me when that dream was crushed. I think it killed her a little bit, too.
After I was past the worst of everything, life started to get back to normal. Sort of. Joe and my relationship is strained, to say the least. Its not for lack of trying. We've just been through some really difficult things. I don't think either of us really know how to deal with any of it. While I was recovering at home with my beloved mom, he had to head back across the country to L.A. with his brothers. We talked as much as we could. We talk more now, since Niki and I have also recently moved to Los Angeles.
She sort of blindsided me with the idea one afternoon. It was just an off-hand comment, but I knew it was really what she wanted to do. And after I let the idea sink in and I really had time to think about it, I thought it was the best thing for me. I needed sunshine. I needed change. I needed to get away from my current situation and start fresh. Granted, I would be leaving all of my family and friends. But it was what I needed.
And that's where we were now. We had found an apartment close to everything in the city that still gave us the necessities. We were even thinking of getting an adorable little English Bulldog puppy from a shelter around the corner. Niki said it would be good to have something happy to come home to from a stressful day at work.
Yep. Depressed and newly relocated Kristen was employed. I actually love it, too. Don't quite know how I scored it, but I'm working at the Marie Claire Magazine's L.A. offices. I work mostly in the fashion and beauty departments, but sometimes I get asked for my opinion on different articles. I kind of always knew I would end up in a field like this, and its great to know that its a good fit. Plus the perks are great. And sometimes, when I'm having a really bad day, a new pair of Louboutin pumps is exactly what I need to forget about it.
I sighed as my alarm clock started beeping again. I wish the snooze on those things were longer. I rolled over and turned it off and stood up, stretching from my restless night's sleep. Today will be a good day, I told myself. I looked out my window to see another clear, sunny day.
I walked out to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee and found Niki sitting at our breakfast bar. She was already dressed - how early did she get up? - and sipping on her own coffee.
"How're you feeling today?" She asked. I shrugged.
"I'll have a better idea after coffee and a shower." She nodded. I liked that I didn't have to sugarcoat anything with Niki. We could be honest with each other and we wouldn't judge one another. Well, unless I went off on a tangent about Doctor Who, or her about One Tree Hill. But that's besides the point.
I looked at the clock and nearly choked on my coffee. Shit. If I didn't hurry then I would be late. My boss would not like that. I downed the rest of my coffee and took one of the fastest showers of my life. An hour later I was I dressed and ready for the no doubt stressful work day. I think I had two photoshoots and new runway stills to look over.
"Damn, K. What's with the outfit? I mean I know you're little miss fashionista, but what's special about today?" Niki said when I rushed out to the kitchen for another cup of coffee.
"Maybe if I look good, I'll feel good."
It had been nearly a year and a half since Joe and I heard those words that would change our lives. For months I had stayed with my parents, my mother taking care of me every minute of every day. She was never completely supportive or happy about my "pregnancy" but she was still my mom. She was still always going to be there for me. She knew how much that baby was going to mean to me. And how much it killed me when that dream was crushed. I think it killed her a little bit, too.
After I was past the worst of everything, life started to get back to normal. Sort of. Joe and my relationship is strained, to say the least. Its not for lack of trying. We've just been through some really difficult things. I don't think either of us really know how to deal with any of it. While I was recovering at home with my beloved mom, he had to head back across the country to L.A. with his brothers. We talked as much as we could. We talk more now, since Niki and I have also recently moved to Los Angeles.
She sort of blindsided me with the idea one afternoon. It was just an off-hand comment, but I knew it was really what she wanted to do. And after I let the idea sink in and I really had time to think about it, I thought it was the best thing for me. I needed sunshine. I needed change. I needed to get away from my current situation and start fresh. Granted, I would be leaving all of my family and friends. But it was what I needed.
And that's where we were now. We had found an apartment close to everything in the city that still gave us the necessities. We were even thinking of getting an adorable little English Bulldog puppy from a shelter around the corner. Niki said it would be good to have something happy to come home to from a stressful day at work.
Yep. Depressed and newly relocated Kristen was employed. I actually love it, too. Don't quite know how I scored it, but I'm working at the Marie Claire Magazine's L.A. offices. I work mostly in the fashion and beauty departments, but sometimes I get asked for my opinion on different articles. I kind of always knew I would end up in a field like this, and its great to know that its a good fit. Plus the perks are great. And sometimes, when I'm having a really bad day, a new pair of Louboutin pumps is exactly what I need to forget about it.
I sighed as my alarm clock started beeping again. I wish the snooze on those things were longer. I rolled over and turned it off and stood up, stretching from my restless night's sleep. Today will be a good day, I told myself. I looked out my window to see another clear, sunny day.
I walked out to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee and found Niki sitting at our breakfast bar. She was already dressed - how early did she get up? - and sipping on her own coffee.
"How're you feeling today?" She asked. I shrugged.
"I'll have a better idea after coffee and a shower." She nodded. I liked that I didn't have to sugarcoat anything with Niki. We could be honest with each other and we wouldn't judge one another. Well, unless I went off on a tangent about Doctor Who, or her about One Tree Hill. But that's besides the point.
I looked at the clock and nearly choked on my coffee. Shit. If I didn't hurry then I would be late. My boss would not like that. I downed the rest of my coffee and took one of the fastest showers of my life. An hour later I was I dressed and ready for the no doubt stressful work day. I think I had two photoshoots and new runway stills to look over.
"Damn, K. What's with the outfit? I mean I know you're little miss fashionista, but what's special about today?" Niki said when I rushed out to the kitchen for another cup of coffee.
"Maybe if I look good, I'll feel good."