Blinded

As I awoke from my sleep, something felt different about this Saturday morning than all the others. I had no clue why. It just did.

I sat up in my bed, letting the comforter fall a bit, as I wracked my brains trying to figure out why today was such a new day. It felt like the begining. But, the begining of what?

At first, I believed it was the fact that my fathers stupid rule would no longer be of issue to either me or my sister, but it wasn't the case. I had felt like that last night, but this morning in the pit of my stomach, something was going on. And no, it wasn't just the begging of my stomach to eat something. Things were changing, for better or worse, and I was now involved.

I sighed, and swung my legs over the edge of my bed to stand up. The floor was cold, and I wished I had worn socks to bed. As I lazily moved my way around my room I heard my sister calling me from downstairs. "Rae! Please tell me you're ready to go. I thought we agreed that we were going to go early."

Oh shit, I had forgotten the plans I made with Marie. "Give me twenty minutes. I forgot to set my alarm." I shouted through the doorway. I could hear her exasperated sigh from my room.

Quickly yet quietly I changed into my nice black skinny jeans and a nice black blouse. I hadn't worn nice clothing in ages, and the feeling I got when I wore them made things seem a little brighter.

I rushed downstairs and tied my converse on before grabbing Marie's hand and pulling her out of the house. She was dressed nicely too. Not fancy nice, but just sufficiant enough to pass off as higher than casual wear.

"How could you forget?" Marie muttered as I hopped into my car with her. I frowned and gave her one of those looks.

"I didn't forget, Marie." I snapped, not appriciating her guilt trip. I would never forget today. I couldn't forget, because then that would mean I forgot- No.

"Are we stopping at the flower shop?" she asked after a few seconds of silence. I nodded, turning the car into a parking space. Together we both exited the car and walked into the flower shop.

As the overhead bell rang, me and my little sister went our seperate ways into the shop to find the flower, or flowers that we desired. Although my sister always bought different flowers each time we came, I sticked with the same one; yellow tulips. Once finding three that I felt were the best, I walked over to the register to see that Marie was standing there with light purple orchids in hand.

"Those are pretty." I smiled, touching their petals lightly.

"They remind me of her." Marie agreed, looking down on the flowers herself. We paid quickly then got back into the car for our destination.

The light airy music of Owl City poured through our stereo system, making me smile sub-consciously. This music always had that effect on me. I was, as always on these days, moderately happy. I never should be, but something about it made me feel attached again.

As we pulled up to our destination, both my sister and I got out of the car with our flowers and began to walk down the brick path. It wasn't very sunny around here, but it hardly ever could seem bright. Not once when I have been here in the past did anything about this place give the hint of cheer. I was always the one that had to bring it. Otherwise, I'd be lost in the midst of woe and heartache.

When we reached a fork in the brick path, Marie turned to the right and began walking on the grass. I paused for a second just to take in how familiar this place had become to me. For some reason, it felt as comforting as home, despite the miserable air. Maybe it's because a part of my home was here. It always will be here.

I caught up to Marie in a short amount of time and simultaniously, we sat down on the grass together, facing the stone. Carolyn Rae Simmons was carved into it.

Slowly, I placed my flowers, her favorite, by the bottom of it. "Hi Mom." I spoke softly, as tears already began to pour from my eyes. I could feel Marie's shoulder's brush against mine as she cried too.

Marie and I cry for very different yet similar reasons. Although she has never told me why she breaks down everytime we visit our mother, I have come to my own conclusions. Marie crys because of what she missed out on. Our mother died when she was so young that she can barely remember her anymore. This makes her weep.

She would never want to foget her mother, but as the years go by and their days together were so hard for her to think of, she becomes more and more distant. Marie crys because she feels that she forgets her too often. She forgets who her mother was, and what times they had together that have escaped her memory.

I cry because of those memories. They were so happy and so full of life. I miss her everyday. Being here, at the cemetery, makes me feel like I am so close at the same time so far away from her. She was my mother, and all the love and compassion she had shown me, all the good-hearted things she had taught me will only stay as a memory. They can't go any farther.

So, together Marie and I sat on that hard ground for an hour crying and telling our mother of what has been going on in our lives. Marie shared her feelings of Mikey and I told her of my new friendship with Frank.

We told her how much we missed her and gave her our love, and soon the hour was up and together we stood up and dried our tears. We wished Mom yet another goodbye and linked by the arm, the Simmons daughters walked out of the cemetery that held the fondest memories of our childhood with her.