Blinded

I was absolutely sure that Marie had no idea what goes through my head sometimes.

Wait, scratch that. She never has any idea what runs through my head.

I tend to snap at the drop of a hat. But who can blame me? I’ve gotten all messed up in my head. Things have happened to make me this way. I push people away and out, that’s for sure. At a point I can be angry and, even I will admit, bitchy but then, later, I’ll cool off a bit and go back to being the caring person I usually am. But, mostly only Marie gets to see that side of me. Her and Brynn.

Brynn is my one and only friend. I don’t need anyone else but her. Well, I do need Marie too. Most people would be shocked to know that I do go to my sister for emotional support. I know it must be difficult for her, but I don’t feel comfortable enough to talk to someone else, even with Brynn. Oh no, I wouldn't be caught dead showing actual feelings to anyone besides my younger sister. It makes me feel pathetic and we share a bond. A very, very strong sisterly bond that nothing will break.

See, I confided in Marie all the way back when she started school. She had caught the eye of the fastest runner on the track team, and also one of the most popular boys in school, Tommy Whitman. Marie was flattered to no end, and wanted to date him, but I pushedour father into stopping her. That's how this whole rule thing started. I rolled my eyes at the mere thought of how wrong everyone else was about our family. No one understood.
I would surely be the most hated girl in the entire school, by all the guys, if anyone had actually found out that I was the cause of why my baby sister wasn't allowed to date.
Tommy Whitman is scum.

So, I was currently listening to my father and younger sister scream at me about how irresponsible I was to have done what I did in class today. Personally, I thought it was nessesary to show how I felt about the class. My father said that colleges thought otherwise.
"Do you have any idea how this will affect you getting into Berkely?" My father yelled, pacing infront of the mauve couch that I was currently sitting on.

"I don't care. I want to go to Villanova, so why should I give a damn what Berkely thinks?" My voice was calm, although I know my father could see the anger in my eyes. He was constantly pushing Berkely on me. He had a dream for one of his daughters to major in Business at Berkely and go on to become a great, sucessful adult and pay for his retirement years. I wasn't going to follow those rules. I didn't see anyone else choosing their life paths based on their parents' dreams. Not going to happen.

"But, why did you do it? Do you not understand how much farther you pushed yourself away from everyone else at school?" Marie questioned, exasperation easily seen in her features. I scowled.

"You of all people, Marie, should know by now that I don't give a flying fuck what Belleville High School's student body thinks about me." The words were spoken dark and low. Marie softened her eyes at me.

"Can't you just try to be social with someone?" I opened my mouth to retort back but she knew me all too well to see what I had thought through. "And I don't mean Brynn. Please Rae, just try for me?"

I sighed in defeat. I loved my sister to death, and that look she gave me was heart wrenching. I just nodded my head and got up from the couch. Walking past my obviously confused father and Marie I made it over to my room and shut the door behind myself. I did not lock it, for I knew Marie would be in soon to have a 'heart to heart' about what was going on with me. But, I wouldn't have anything new to tell her. I never did. I was just an angry, bitter girl.

As I stared up at the ceiling, while laying on my bed. I tucked my hands behind my head as my thoughts began to drift through the days events. I watched Marie shyly smile the quiet Way brother. He was much different than the other one. The thought of his personality terrified me to no end. He was a talkative one. He always wanted to get in others people's business, from what I had observed. But, the tall one... Mikey? was his name seemed sweet. I knew he had a thing for Marie and she for him. They should be together.

I frowned as I though of the rule. My father wouldn't give it up now. He liked it. He didn't have to worry about his daughters getting knocked up or any nonsense like that. Maybe, if Marie agreed, I could get him abandoned the stupid rule if it meant Mikey and Marie could be together. I think she would be safe with him. He hangs out with Frank Iero. He's a good kid, I guess.

Once again, my attention was put on Frank. This morning, my hand brushed against his. Simple, common gesture to happen between two people who have lockers next to eachother. But, I felt strangly about it. Something was off when he touched me.

Yes, I did go into shock and pull away, like most people would do. But, I wasn't disgusted with him for coming near me, like I normally am. Granted it was the first time I had touched him since we were freshman. And no, I did not mean in that way. I just didn't expect to feel so fine about it. I never was fine about it.

Maybe my whole issues were finally going away.

At this thought, Marie walked through the door and quietly shut it behind her. "Rae?" she whispered, seeing if I was in any mood to talk.

I moved my head so I could see her face. I gave her a small smile. "Hey Marie."

She smiled back before coming over to the bed and laying down next to me. We both just stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes before I talked. "You know that Mikey kid?"

I watched as a crimson color instantly appear on her cheeks. I smirked, without her seeing. "Y-yeah. I know him."

"I think you should ask him out."

I could practically feel the shock on her face. I knew what she was thinking. Her big sister, who has sworn off men and done everything in her power to keep her sister like that too, is telling her to date someone. "What?"

I nudged her rib cage with my elbow smiling and looking at her. "You heard me, you should ask him out."

"But...but" she fumbled for the right words. I knew what they were before they left her mouth, although I gave her a chance to reply first. "But, what about the rule?"

I sighed and grumbled my response. "I'm going to be having a chat with Daddy Dearest later."