The Catch

A drink for the horror that I'm in

She never was a daddy's girl, she'd always rather have spent time with her mother. Or would she? Maybe I just wasn't there for her to spend time with...

I can see what her death has done to our little family. It was normal when my own parents passed... that's what children do. They bury their parents. No matter how harsh it sounds, that's the way it is, but Alex isn't going to be here to bury me and Anna. Who knows, maybe she wouldn't have buried us anyway, we didn't exactly have a perfect relationship with our daughter.

I always resented those little rebellious things she did, her friends, the late nights, but now I just miss her. She always thought I was trying to control her life, maybe she was right. I always thought she just needed more discipline. Maybe I should have been more involved and less authoritarian... God knows I should have noticed.

I know that now I'm doing it for the same reasons as she did what she did, but I've been drinking. I'm trying to cope, it gives me an escape from the wreckage our family is becoming. I know they'll be looking to me to lend them strength, I'm supposed to be the father figure, the strong one, in times like this, but I'm not ready yet. Anna keeps asking when I will be ready, but I can't give her a straight answer.

Chris insists it wasn't suicide... it makes me wonder if Alex's friends knew about what she'd been doing. If they did, I was right, she was in the wrong crowd. They should have helped her. I should have helped her. But I didn't... It's cliche, but I've failed. Now it's all gone to hell.

Anna keeps playing that song by one of Alex's bands... that one about suicide. It says, "you'll be sorry when I'm gone", and it couldn't be more right.


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