The Catch

Decieving Memories

I don't think she really knew what those friendly smiles in the hallway meant to me. She gave them to everyone, but they gave me hope. Well, maybe it wasn't hope so much... I don't really know what to call it. But whatever it was, it was false. I don't want to say "she's the one who kept me going", or anything like that, I barely knew her. I'd only even talked to her on a couple of occasions, for chrissake! But anyway, if she committed suicide, she was giving me a false impression. I think she gave me some kind of idea that everything, even though it was all shitty and fucked up, it would all end up okay in its own fucked up way.

There's something extremely meaningful about a complete stranger smiling to you as you walk past each other. It's a way of saying, "I don't know you, but I'm willing to take the time to make a split second friendly connection with you. I'm willing to think of you", and, even if that sounds weird and awkward, it gives me faith in the human race. If Alex wasn't willing to take the time to even keep herself alive, how can I have faith that those smiles she so readily gave to others were genuine?

Okay, maybe I'm freaking out about something that's none of my business and mourning a very small and insignificant gesture, but it's things like this that really shake your faith. Big things that are distant from yourself. I'm not talking about faith in God, or Buddha, or whatever you worship, I'm talking about faith in humanity to really love and care for each other.

I'll carry on. She might be dead, but I'll always carry her memory with me. It sounds cheesy. I know. But it's things like this that you really remember forever.



Okay everyone, this is the last chapter. PLEASE comment.