Incognito.

We decided to stop for lunch after driving around the city for a while. We settled on this little hamburger place, mostly because it was one of the few restaurants that had open parking space in front of it. Hana and Brendon sat up front, and the entire car ride they had the music blaring and were singing along loudly, while Ryan and I looked on amused. A few people would turn their heads if we drove down a busy street, but the music was turned down lower as we parked. We headed inside and stared at the menu for a few minutes before Brendon declared loudly that he was buying.

“You don’t have to do that.” Hana shook her head.

“I just assumed you were paying for mine.” Ryan shrugged, “That’s why I didn’t bring my wallet.”

“You never bring your wallet,” Brendon squinted at him.

“I know,” Ryan grinned.

“Order whatever you want.” He made a shooing motion at us towards the counter.

“You really don’t,” Hana started, but Brendon cut her off, “It’s like three bucks a meal, it’s fine.”

Ryan was already at the counter, and Hana and I followed behind him, “We’re all together,” Ryan spoke moving his hands around, and if we hadn’t been standing directly behind him, he might as well have been talking about everyone in the restaurant. The lady nodded, and he moved to the side, grabbing his paper cup off the counter before Hana ordered. I took a last glance at the menu before ordering a hot dog.

I got my drink and found the booth that Hana and Ryan had sat down in. I slid into the empty side and Brendon joined a few minutes later beside me, “You ordered a hot dog?” He squinted scrunching up his face.

“Yes,” I spoke cautiously.

“At a shady place like this?” Ryan spoke wide eyed, “That could kill you.”

“I don’t get it,” I squinted, “Hot dogs are shady already, why does it matter where you buy them?”

They were silent for a minute before shrugging, “That’s true.”

I continued, “I mean, is it a pig or a cow or a turkey? I don’t know, but I like the way it tastes.” I shrugged before squinting, “That is a disgusting concept.”

“Coming from the one who ordered one of those disgusting things.” Brendon spoke.

“I’m still gonna eat it,” I shrugged.

Our food came not long after, and I watched carefully as the waitress set Ryan’s down.

“What did you get?”

Ryan glanced up at me, “A couple chili dogs.” He shrugged.

“How is that any different?!” I laughed as Hana nonchalantly slid her tray further away from his.

“A Chili dog is completely different from a hot dog.” Brendon explained carefully, “The chili and cheese and all that gunk, disguise the flavor of the dog, distracting the tongue so it can pass on to your stomach.”

“Have you guys had this argument before?” I squinted.

“Totally.” Ryan nodded taking a bite of his hot dog disguised with chili.

…

Lunch went by quickly, and we found ourselves on the way back to the house. This time, I was in the front seat with Brendon driving. The music was at a more reasonable volume, and it felt good enough outside to roll the windows down.

“I should not have eaten those chili dogs.” Ryan groaned leaning over.

“Don’t puke in the car!” Hana spoke pushing him so that he was closer to the window.

“I’m not going to puke,” He spoke.

My cellphone rang, and I glanced at the caller ID reading ‘Adam’.

“Hey,” I smiled.

“Natalie,” A different, but still familiar voice spoke.

“Oh,” I squinted, “Hey,” It was Adam’s dad.

“Where are you?” He sighed.

“I’m in a car.” I stated slowly, “On the way back from lunch.”

“Alright, call me when you get back home, okay?”

“What’s wrong?” I squinted, facing the window.

“Nothing,” He spoke quietly, “Just call me back when you’re home.” He hung up, and I squinted closing my own phone.

“What’s up?” Hana spoke leaning forward.

“Nothing,” I shrugged, slipping my phone in my pocket and changing the subject, “Is this your CD?” I asked Brendon.

“No,” He shook his head, “Greta and Patrick have a really good selection in their car, the case is in the glove compartment if you want to look.”

I pulled open the glove compartment and found a thick, black, worn CD case. I unzipped it and flipped it open. The pockets were all full. Some of them had two or three CDs in them, too. It didn’t seem to be organized in any way, so I busied myself, glancing at the CDs. I wasn’t really reading them, just scanning my eyes over each one. We pulled into the neighborhood soon enough, and I closed the case back slipping it into the glove compartment.

“Didn’t find anything you liked?” Brendon questioned.

“Nothing really caught my eye.” I shrugged looking at all the houses we passed.

“How do you know your way around Chicago so well.” I squinted.

“Well, I’ve already driven around it a few times this week.” He shrugged.

“Brendon has this hobby,” Ryan started, and Brendon shook his head quickly back and forth.

“He studies maps.” Ryan finished looking smug.

“What?” I squinted.

“When I was kid I just liked looking at maps of all the roads. I thought it was cool how they all connected, so I know a lot of highways and stuff.” Brendon cut in shrugging, “My parents didn’t give me much freedom though, so I’m relieved they even let me do that.” He laughed a little.

“So, you had like, a bunch of just city maps?” I squinted.

“Yeah,” Brendon nodded, “They’re probably still somewhere.” He shrugged.

“Hmm.” I nodded. I knew he was a dork.

We pulled into the drive way a few minutes later, and everyone else was still gone. We headed inside, and I started upstairs.

“I’m gonna go lay down.” I decided to say, so they wouldn’t bug me. I got in my room and closed the door. I cleaned up some dirty clothes and clutter on the floor. When I found myself making the bed and then remaking the bed, I knew I was just stalling so I wouldn’t have to call Adam’s dad back. Finally I sat down on the neatly made bed and pulled out my phone, hitting the talk button twice before holding it up to my ear.

“Natalie,”Adam’s dad answered.

“What’s wrong, Jack?” I sighed.

“You’re sitting, right?” He spoke slowly.

My heart sunk as I slowly replied, “Yes.”

“We lost Adam this morning.” He near whispered, and I was silent.

“Natalie,” He spoke after a minute or so.

“I’m here,” I replied voice breaking, “When’s the-“ My voice cracked again, and I stopped, clearing my throat, “When’s the funeral?”

“We haven’t set a day yet. Sometime this week.”

“I want to come.” I whispered, “I want to bring Nate.”

“You can.” He spoke, and it was strained, “I’ll let you know when we’ve set the date, and there was some stuff he wanted you to have.” His voice cracked, and I put a hand over my own mouth when I heard him let out a sob.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered biting the inside of my cheek.

“I am, too.” He sighed.

“Just call me back to let me know.” I told him, “I’ll see you soon.” I lowered the phone from my ear and shut it, staring out the window in front of me. I didn’t say goodbye. I don’t think I like that word so much anymore. I’m not sure how long I stared out the window, but I saw Lola run across the yard barking, and I heard noise downstairs. I got up and exited my room, going downstairs to see everyone got home from school. William’s friends were over again, and I walked past them into the kitchen.

“I’m going to lay him down for his nap,” I told Greta, pointing to where Nate sat drinking juice at the counter.

“Okay,” She spoke, “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, why?” I asked quickly.

“You just look flushed.”

“I’m just tired, I’m going to lay down, too.”

I waited a moment until Nate saw me, and when he did he held his arms up. I picked him up and carried him quickly back through the living room and up the stairs.

“Say night night Brendon,” I spoke pushing open the door to Brendon’s room.

“Night night, Nate.” Brendon smiled waving. I continued our ritual for a few more moments of saying ‘Night night’ to everything we pass before entering my room. I closed the blinds and turned off the light laying Nate down before scooting behind him, “Go night night.” I told him closing my own eyes.

He moved around for a few minutes before his breathing got heavier, and he was still. I opened my eyes and watched him. He looks so much like Adam. I watched for a few more minutes before rolling over the other way and grabbing a pillow. I pushed it against the lower half of my face before crying quietly into it. The only word that kept flashing in my head was ‘Goodbye’.