Should've Tried Harder

"Looks like the rain still hasn't stopped. Jason, when should this weather come to an end?"

"Well Kathy, I'd like to see the sun, too. But it looks like we're going to be seeing this rain for the rest of the week."

I sighed, and turned off the TV. I was hoping that by today, the rain would at least cut back. Just past the TV, I could see the blackness through the curtain. No matter what floor you were on, or what room number your apartment was in this building, we could all hear the rain hitting hard.

"Do you really think you should be driving in this weather?"

I looked over to Becca, who was pouring herself a cup of coffee. After living with Becca for as long as I had, I found it normal for someone to drink coffee this late in the day. I shrugged, letting out a small sigh. "It's going to be like this all week, and I already gave Mario my notice. I have to."

"No," Becca smirked, turning around. "I take care of you baby," She made her voice deep, and shot a wink my way.

My confused face turned into a smile, which faded into laughter moments later. "Becca, you're an odd one."

"And you wouldn't have me any other way," She grinned, running her hand over my face as she walked past me. "You can at least wait another hour, can't you?"

I made myself appear to be thinking about it, but really, I couldn't be more happy that she had asked me to. Maybe the downpour was like a message, saying I shouldn't leave until it stops. Though I'd be ignoring the message in an hour, I listened to it right now.

"I guess," I flopped down on the couch beside her.

"Oh!" Becca sat her coffee on the table, and threw her hands in the air. "Jack wanted you to call him before you left."

"Well," I grinned, pulling out my phone. "Thank God I agreed to stay another hour."

Dialing Jack's number was now a habit for me. Most of the time when I was trying to call someone else, it was still his number that I dialed. Sometimes it came in handy, other times it drove me up the wall.

"Jamie?"

"Hey, Jack."

"You haven't left yet, have you?"

"No," I looked to Becca, who was making faces at me. I shook my head, and went back to talking to my brother. "Why?"

"Have you looked outside?" Jack huffed. "You shouldn't be driving in this. It's not safe."

"I'm a big girl, Jack. I can drive in the rain."

"I don't think you should, but okay." I heard Jack's hand cover the phone, and muffled sound of voices in the background. I couldn't make out what they were saying. "I gotta go, Jamie. Call me when you're half way there, okay? I love you!"

"I love you-" Click. What is it with everyone and leaving me to talk to the dial tone?

"Mario wanted me to give you this," Becca gave me a small smile, reaching into her pocket. "He says it's for being like a daughter to him at the bar."

"Being like a daughter to him?" I blinked. "He never told me I was like a- Oh my God."

Becca pulled out a wad of money from her jeans. From what I could see, it consisted mostly of twenty and ten dollar bills. I could only imagine the look on my face, because I knew my mouth was hanging open and my eyes were wide. I took the money from her hand, and ran my fingers along the folds. There had to be at least three hundred dollars, just from what I could see.

"He says to be careful," Becca gave me a soft smile. "And not to dance on a stage ever, ever again."

I grinned widely, shoving the money in my purse. "You have no idea what that means to me."

Becca and I sat in silence for a few minutes. I knew it hadn't been an hour. At most, it'd be thirty minutes, but I had to go. If I stayed here any longer, sitting on the couch with my best friend, I wouldn't be able to leave. I looked over to Becca, who was fiddling with the hem of her shirt. I let out a small sigh, and ran my hands through my hair.

"I should get going Becca."

=======================

"Well," I sighed, leaning against the doorframe. "This is the last box."

I could tell Becca was crying, even though there were raindrops covering her body. I tried to talk her out of helping me carry boxes to the car, but she refused. She nodded her head, and let out a deep sigh. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too," I gave a small sniff, laughing faintly. "My place is always open to you. You can come over and trash the place, you can move in, whatever."

"Okay," Becca nodded, pulling me into a big hug. "I love you."

"I love you too," I hugged her back. We stood there for a moment or two, before I pulled away and wiped my face. "I should go."

She nodded her head, again, and handed me my last box. The apartment looked so empty without my things packed inside. It was depressing.

"Tell Dustin goodbye for me?"

"Of course."

"Okay." I bit my lip, looking outside the door. "So.. Bye."

"Bye," Becca mumbled lightly.

I slowly started walking down the stairs, listening to the sounds of my feet hitting the steps and the rain falling down around me. I turned my head lightly, only to see Becca closing the door. She really was the best girl friend I've ever had. Even if we spent a few months of our lives going neck-to-neck. I could feel my tears starting to leak again. I paused on the bottom step, but just long enough to gain my composure, before walking to my car.

Though it was gloomy and depressing outside, it was beautiful. Just down the road, I could see neon signs lit up. There were occasional cars that would go by, and the street lamps in the parking lot were dim, leaving rain drops dancing in the small light they gave. I watched the rain bounce off the blacktop for a moment, before I realized I had a box in my hand, and it was getting weaker by the seconds in the rain. I started running to my car, where I had to sit the box down on the pavement for a second, so I could open the backseat door. I shoved the box in with the others, and quickly slammed the door. The box was now protected from the rain, but I wasn't. I was drenched. I gave a deep sigh, and ran my hands through my hair, taking one last glance up to my old apartment window.

I saw the living room light flip off, and I knew Becca was going to run through the shower, and crawl into bed. I'd miss arguing over who got the shower first. But given she was preparing to face a new day, I knew I should, too. I peeled my eyes away from the window, glanced around the parking lot one last time, and slowly started walking to my door.

I had barely gotten my hand on the door handle, when a car came sliding into the parking lot. It barely missed my car, which made my angry, but I had no idea who it was and didn't want to take my chances. I slid my key into the lock, and twisted it. I was just about to open the door, when the car turned around, and parked directly behind mine, blocking me in. I felt a wave of nervousness take over my body, as I pushed my bangs out of my face, hoping that Becca was still awake in case I had to scream.

Their lights were slightly blinding me, so I put my hand over my eyes, watching the passenger and drivers side doors open. I couldn't see their faces because of the light. I swallowed hard, and placed my hand back on the handle.

"Jamie!"

I watched the two figures emerge from the light, now standing only a few feet away from me. Their faces were clear, and my nervousness was now replaced by anxiety.

"A-Alex? Jack? What are you doing here?"

I was trying to yell over the rain, but with the car running too, it was hard to hear or speak. I was right there, ready to leave it all behind, and they show up. I could feel my heart beating in my throat, and I could tell that I was already crying.

"Jamie you can't go!" Alex called to me, taking a step closer. I wanted to step away from him, but I nowhere to go.

I stared at him, confused. I knew by now the expression on my face gave away that I was crying, and I was breathing heavy.

"Jamie, please!" I continued to stare at him, heart broken. "I'm so sorry!"

"What are you talking about, Alex?"

"I should have told you! I feel horrible about the way I left, it's just-" Alex paused to take in a deep breath, and wipe the rain off of his face. "I was scared, Jamie. I wasn't used to actually caring about a girl, and then there you were. I didn't want to screw it up, and I knew that's exactly what I would do. It seemed so much easier to leave you behind, and get the pain over with."

By now I was crying hard, staring at him with eyes filled with sadness. Though I had to admit, it felt amazing to hear him say it. To hear him say that he did care, and he was sorry for all the pain he caused. I wanted to jump in his arms, and hear him promise me forever, but this wasn't a movie, and life doesn't work like that.

"Jamie," Alex took a few more steps closer to my shaking body. He was close to my body now, staring into my brown eyes. "Please don't go."

I inhaled a deep breathing, hoping that my words would come out steady, instead of cracked. "I have to Alex," My voice broke a little. "I waited on you for a year. That's a whole year of my life gone, Alex. You can't just say you're sorry for everything and expect me to let it all go. It doesn't work like that!"

I could tell my words had hurt him by the look in his eyes. Alex Gaskarth was being sincere to me, for the basically the first time in a year. My heart was breaking a little more with ever second I stared into his sad eyes. I didn't want Alex to feel what I felt. At least not anymore. Hearing how he really felt made me realize he didn't deserve that. No one did.

"What if I said," He stepped even closer to me. Our bodies were barely touching, and I thought I was going to lose control of my breathing. "I love you?"

"What?" I knew he could tell what I said, he just hadn't heard it properly. The word came out barely above a whisper. My heart was now pounding so loud I was sure he could hear it.

"Jamie," Alex yelled above the rain. "I love you, and I'm begging you, please don't go."

All the anger I had ever felt for Alex, all the tears I had cried, all the fighting I had done and the pain I felt just washed away with the rain. I couldn't feel anything for him but love. That's all I ever wanted to feel for him. He didn't even have to ask me anymore, I'd just forgiven him for every stupid and horrible thing he'd ever done in his life. It didn't matter anymore. I was staring the real, honest Alexander Gaskarth in the face. The Alex who cared enough to stand in the pouring rain and tell me that he loved me. The Alex who cared, and the Alex who didn't care what anyone else thought. I was staring at the Alex I'd been missing for the last year of my life, and I didn't want him to go away. He was my definition of perfection, and I was okay with him always being such.

I opened my mouth to tell him that I loved him to, and that I was sorry for everything I had done, and that if he really wanted me to, I'd spend the rest of my life following him around and giving up on running. I'd run with him, because he was the only person that had my heart. I didn't get to, though, before his lips came crashing down on mine. He pulled my body close to his, and held my face in his hands. My body reacted quickly, and my lips collided with his. I put my hands on his chest, and kissed him back with force, and passion, and the most amazing thing ever. Love. I could feel the rain dripping down our soaking bodies, and I could feel it on his lips, but I didn't care. Alex Gaskarth does have a heart, and it beats for me.

"I love you Alex," I breathed on his lips, when he pulled away for a moment to breathe. "And I don't want to go anywhere without you."

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you. You are my only one. I let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do. You are my only, my only one.