The Stars Are Fading Away

It'd be so easy to lose myself to you

I drifted up the stairs and into my room in a daze. Mason had kissed me. Mason had kissed me.

I found myself lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I was so confused. Why would Mason do something like that?

I had never thought of Mason as anything other than a friend. Now that I was thinking about it, I wondered if our relationship was platonic. It had always seemed platonic to me, but I realized it might have been different for Mason. I sighed and rolled over onto my side.

What if Mason had feelings for me? That was a stupid question. Why would you kiss someone if you didn't have feelings for them?

If Mason had feelings for me, that would make everything else ten times more complicated. Wren had done everything to me, but I didn't think he had cheated. It would be extremely hypocritical to beat your girlfriend up for cheating, and then doing it yourself. Wren hadn't cheated, and I didn't want to either.

But this also brought on new problems. If Mason had feelings for me, I knew he would never push me to do something I didn't want to do. That would make him feel like he was doing the same thing to me as Wren was. Although he tried not to show it, I saw that he hated Wren. Hate wasn't really a strong enough word.

But what if Mason made me pick. Him or Wren. If I picked Wren, the abuse would go on. I didn't think I'd be able to survive it without someone there to help. But if I picked Mason, I would always be afraid Wren would come after me. I'd be afraid he'd hurt Mason.

I didn't have to think about that yet. I didn't even know if Mason really did have feelings for me. I tried to calm myself down by repeating this to myself over and over again.

My mind drifted over to the kiss itself. It had been nothing like the first kiss I'd had with Wren. Mason's kiss was hesitant, but still had a purpose. It was gentle and sweet. It didn't last too long, but it wasn't just a peck.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it had been, essentially, the perfect first kiss. It sounds incredibly cliché, but it was true. Mason was a good kisser.

I tried not to think about how many times he would have done it before. I hated to think that I would be jealous because of Mason. I didn't want to have feelings for Mason. That would just make everything worse.

I sighed and tried not to think about any of that, and just tried to go to sleep. I put my earbuds in and listened to my iPod until sleep found me and pulled me under.