The Stars Are Fading Away

You're almost gone
You're as good as gone

I stood there and stared at him with wide eyes.

"You… What?"

"I love you."

I looked at his face for a second, trying to figure out if he was lying. He wasn't.

"Oh, God."

"Please don't do this to me, Amber."

"This is only another reason to, Mason." I spoke quietly.

"Why is that?" The pain was evident in his voice.

"You already… We're already in too deep. Would it be any better if he killed me?"

"Yes."

"That was a rhetorical question." I sighed. "It only makes it more necessary."

"Why? Is it because you don't think of me like that? I don't need that. That's not what it has to be. I just need you to stay. Please."

"No, that's not it. I–I do think of you like that. But you already care about me too much. It will only hurt more when—"

"It's not inevitable."

"Yes, it is. I know him."

"Just try leaving him. Please. Don't just jump to this. You don't have to."

"You don't understand, he'll—"

"Just try. You have to. For me."

"He'll–"

"If he hurts you I'll hurt him."

I took a deep shuddering breath. Try, for Mason. I owed him.

"I can't, Mason," I whispered. "I want to, so much, but I can't."

"Think about it?" He was getting desperate. Groping for something, logic that he could work into me. Something that could sway me.

I nodded even though I knew it was already decided.

Mason stared at my face for several seconds, disbelievingly. He knew I was lying. Then he suddenly pulled me into his arms, holding me tight.

"Can you stay tonight?" he whispered, rocking me back and forth. I nodded again. He hesitated for a moment before pulling my chin up and kissing me, almost carefully. I let him.

"I love you," he whispered again before releasing me. I went into the bathroom to change. When I got back, me was already lying down, staring at the ceiling. There was a determined look on his face, but also mixed with concern, desperation and pain. I felt so guilty. I walked across the room and sat down, and he pulled me into his chest again. I faced towards him, took a deep breath and tried to relax enough to sleep.

Fatigue overtook me, but not so much so I didn't realize a difference. Instead of falling asleep quickly, like he usually did, Mason was wide awake. His hands moved up and down my sides, through my hair, on my face. He kissed my cheeks and the top of my head. He held me close, almost uncomfortably close. When I looked, I saw his eyes were squeezed shut.

He continued to do this and after awhile I drifted into a stupor. Just before I succumbed completely to sleep, I felt a wetness in my hair. The last thought I had was that they were Mason's tears.



When I woke, sun was pouring in the window and Mason was gone. I curled into a ball and laid there for awhile. I heard voices coming from outside the room. I couldn't make out words. There was talking, then some loud talking that slowly went back to normal. Then there was a shout, and another that I could clearly understand.

"SHE'S NOT!"

The door flew open, and Derrick was standing there, shock etched across his face.

"Amber! What are you doing? What is he talking about?"
Mason was standing behind him, his face neutral. He had obviously told Derrick everything.

"Amber, answer me! He's lying!"

"He's not lying, Derrick." I sighed.

Derrick stood there for several seconds, his mouth hanging open. I glared at Mason.

"No. Fuck no."

"Fuck yes," I muttered, wanting to go back to sleep.

"No! Amber, you can't do that! You can't!"

I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head, muttering something along the lines of shut the fuck up.

"Don't go back to sleep! I'm not trying to get you up for school, I'm discussing your life!" Derrick shouted, desperately.

"There's nothing to discuss."

I heard Derrick's footsteps come closer to me, and then I was wrenched out of the bed.

"What are you doing? Don't do this," Derrick said, setting me on my feet.

"That wasn't necessary."

"Yes, it was. You seem happy. What brought this on?"

"Didn't Mason tell you?" I asked bitterly. I couldn't believe he dragged Derrick into this.

"No, he didn't! WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"

"Calm down." I closed my eyes. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to sleep.

"I'm not going to until someone decides to CONFIDE IN ME for once!"

"Can I please just go back to sleep?"

"No!"

"Yes. Please."

At that moment the most unexpected thing happened, the feeling of Derrick's lips on mine. My eyes flew open, but he had already stepped back.

"Now will you listen to me?" I stared at him incredulously.

"WHAT THE HELL?" I heard, turning my head to see Mason standing in the doorway. "WHAT WAS THAT? I TOLD YOU SO YOU COULD TALK HER OUT IF IT, NOT COP A FEEL! YOU, YOU KNOW–" He was fuming, shooting daggers through his eyes at Derrick.

"Dude, I was just trying to get her attention, I–"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" He turned around and slammed the door shut.

I turned to Derrick, and he was still watch the door, perplexed.

"What was that?"

I looked at him incredulously. "You kissed me! What do you think it was?"

"Oh…"

"Yeah. What was that?"

"You wouldn't listen to me. It was the first thing I thought of to get your attention. I swear. I don't think of you like that."

"The first thing you thought of? Or the first thing your dick thought of?"

He sighed. "Sorry, okay. God. You guys never explain anything to me."

"Think with your brain next time, Derrick. You fucked up."

"I know! I shouldn't have done that, especially not with Mason…" he paused, looking at my face. "Did he… tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"That… he…" He waited for me to finish the sentence.

"Loves me?" I said quietly.

"Yeah."

I nodded.

Derrick ran a hand through his hair, pulling on the back of it.

"I'm such an idiot."

"I agree."

He sighed again. "So, apparently your going to commit suicide. Care to tell me why?"

I sat down on the foot of the bed. "No."

"Please?"

"No." I shook my head. "I need to find Mason." I started to walk out of the room, but only got as far as the doorway before Derrick grabbed my arm and whirled me around.

"Let go of me," I said tiredly, looking up at him. Maybe it was the look on my face, or the tone of my voice, but he released me. I opened the door and saw Mason was leaning against the kitchen table, his back to the door. I walked quietly until I was standing next to him. His head snapped up.

"What do you want?" he asked harshly. I faltered under his glare.

Somewhere from behind me, Derrick started talking.

"Dude, I'm really sorry. I didn't think, I just wanted to get her attention. I don't think of her like that. She's like my sister."

"You don't kiss your sister, Derrick."

"I know. I'm sorry."

He looked between me and Derrick for a second, then sighed.

"You're right. I'm being stupid. I don't have a right to be jealous; it's not like your my girlfriend."

I bit my lip as Mason stared at me pointedly. He pulled out a chair at the table and collapsed into it, putting his face in his hands and running them through his hair. I pulled out the seat next to him and Derrick just stood awkwardly.

"Could you guys please, please tell me what's going on."

"Amber wants to commit suicide because–"

"Don't tell him." I glared at Mason.

He glared back, and while still looking at me, he finished the sentence: "Wren hits her."

There was a long silence. Then, Derrick's voice.

"What…?"

"Wren hits her," Mason said again, looking at Derrick this time.

"BASTARD!" Derrick's eyes flamed with real anger, fast and frightening. His hands balled in fists.

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long has he been doing this?"

I lurched to clap my hand over Mason's mouth, then answered Derrick's question.

"A month."

Mason moved my hand. "Five months."

Derrick's mouth dropped and his eyes widened.

"No."

"Yes."

Derrick turned to me, his face soft.

"How could you let him do this? You aren't the person someone could just walk all over."

A lump formed in my throat. It hurt to swallow.

"I just… I'm just so stupid," I whispered, and the tears I couldn't hold back leaked through my eyelids. Mason put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him. I heard Derrick pull a chair out at the table.

"We need to get him."

I felt Mason nod, and wrenched my face out of his chest.

"No!"

"Come on, Amber," Derrick said, at the same Mason said "I'm not letting you die. Let's just take the problem away."

I saw Mason and Derrick exchange a look, and I knew they were going ahead with this whether I let them or not.

"No! Please! I won't kill myself! Just give me time, give me–"

"I've given you everything I can, Amber, except safety, which ironically would be the easiest thing to give."

"Don't you get it? He will come after me." I closed my eyes. How could they not understand?

"Amber, this is a house full of fully grown men. I think we can handle one skinny-ass prick."

I looked from Mason's to Derrick's face, trying to see a way to stop them.

"I'll leave him."

Mason's eyes clouded for a moment.

"You're bluffing."

"I'm not, I promise. Please. I just need time."

Mason looked at me skeptically. So did Derrick. They didn't believe me.

"I will! I promise!"

They exchanged another look.

"She wouldn't do that without telling you, Mason," Derrick said quietly.

Mason's face was stony, fighting with himself. Then he turned to me.

"Okay. Fine. But you have to promise you will go through with this, and you won't try to kill yourself. Ever."

I bit my lip, staring straight into his eyes.

Try, for Mason. I owed him.

"I promise."