The Stars Are Fading Away

Rough and ready
For your deadly game
I've got nowhere else to go

Weeks past. I didn’t count them. I tried not to think about the future and tried to deal with everything as it came, but it never really worked.

I told myself, over and over, that it would be done before Valentine’s Day, but even I knew I was lying to myself. Why was it so hard for me? I hated how hard it was.

I needed to suck it up and get it over with. Take a deep breath and jump in, even though they may be dangerous waters.

I tried, so many times. I always chickened out, and I always ran back to Mason. He would tell it was okay. At least I was trying. That I shouldn’t feel pressured. But I did, just not as much as before.

I told myself not to worry about it. Maybe I should just let it happen. I knew that would never happen, however. I always over-thought things. I made everything seem more complicated than it really was.

So when Valentine’s Day actually rolled around, I was a mess. Mason had noticed my antsy behaviors, and he showed up at my dorm before I had to go to my first class.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” He seemed to be in a good mood.

“Yeah,” I responded, with much less enthusiasm.

“Why are you so sad?” He wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “I got you something.”

“Mason, you shouldn't—” but he silenced me, reaching into his pocket and bringing out a box of conversation hearts. I laughed.

“Thank you.”

He grinned cockily. “I knew you’d love it.” I stood up taller to kiss his cheek, and when I pulled away he had a vague, content look on his face.

“I have to go, I just wanted to give these to you. And relax, okay? You’ve been nervous.”

I nodded and hugged him in farewell. He offered me a ride to my class, but I denied. I would be too early if I went by car, so I walked to the bus stop. I’d never much liked winter, but the cold had somehow grown welcome to me.

I thought hard about Wren. I hardly paid attention. Maybe I could end it today. Maybe it just needed to be a spur of the moment decision, so I wouldn’t obsess over it. Just get it over with.

I decided it would be tonight. It had to be. I then put it out of my mind, somewhat successfully.

The day passed uneventfully. Wren picked me up from my last class since it was, after all, Valentine’s Day. I had pushed the conversation hearts Mason gave me into my bag, and I took them out and started eating them.

The route Wren took was unfamiliar. I was hungry, and I wondered if Wren was taking me out to eat. That would be out of character.

As I looked out the window, we came farther and farther away from campus. The houses got smaller and smaller, then turned dumpy with graffiti all over them. Small bars and clubs turned up, and we got into a more industrial section, with tall buildings and tiny, narrow alleys.

“Where’d you get those?”

“What?” I asked, wondering what he was talking about. Wren snatched the box out of my hands.

“Oh. They’re from Grace.”

He threw it out the window. “Bullshit.” He abruptly stopped in front of one of the alleys.

I was going to break up with him, but I didn’t want to do it in a place I was unfamiliar with. I thought I could do it once we were at his house, then I could run and catch a bus. I didn’t know bus schedules here. I didn’t even know where I was. I promised myself I would do it once we went back to his place, though.

“Wren? Where are we?”

He didn’t answer, but pulled up to the curb and put the car in park. He started to open the door, and I grew scared. I looked out the windows for someone, but it was deserted.

“Get out,” Wren commanded, then slammed his door.

I opened my door and got out. A car suddenly came speeding by, nearly running me over. I walked over to wear Wren was stood, surveying the alley.

“Why are we here?” I asked again.

“I looked at your phone.” My brow knitted. “You have calls. From Mason. You call him every day.”

My blood ran cold. I tried to keep my voice from shaking. “We’re friends, Wren.”

“Fuck-buddies, more like.”

“No, Wren, just friends!”

He spat on the ground. “So you haven’t slept with him, then.”

I was about to deny it, but something stopped me. This was the one time where he was actually right. I’d never lied before.

Before I could stop it, my reply came. “Yeah, I have. Once. The only time I’ve ever cheated on you. I’ve never lied. You’d hit me, for months. I wanted revenge. So I did. Happy? You finally got the answer you wanted.”

Wren looked at me with an unfathomable expression on his face. It suddenly broke out in rage.

“You think I want you to cheat on me? I don’t want to date a whore! Why do I put up with you?” he yelled at me.

I almost laughed. “Why do you put up with me? Why do I put up with you? You’re the one who cheats, you're the one who fucking abuses me, you're the one who–”

Wren shoved me, hard, sending me flying onto the ground. He walked to where I had fallen swiftly and stood in front of me.

“Get up.”

I struggled to get up, my tough facade shattered, my anger gone. Only fear was left. As soon as I was standing, he shoved me again, into the wall, holding me up against it.

“Don’t ever fucking talk to me like that, bitch.” He growled, slamming me against the wall again. I hit my head, and my vision swam. I cried out. He hit me, his fist against my cheek, and made a noise of pain again. I was bent at the waist and my hands had instantly flown to my face.

“Shut up.” He voice was surprisingly calm. His hand made an iron shackle around my upper arm, pulling me into a standing position.

I felt his hands close around my throat, and before I could inhale, my airways were being cut off. I gasped for breath, but he hands only squeezed harder.

My neck hurt from being held so tightly, but it was nothing compare to the fire in my lungs. They screamed for air. My limbs struggled of their own accord, trying to fight him off. My fists hit his chest, but the only effect they had was his hands tightening. My feet kicked and scrambled for purchase on the ground. He had lifted me up, holding me up by the neck.

My mouth moved up and down, trying to swallow anything, but nothing came. The pain in my lungs soared and my hearing went, sending the world into an eerie silence. My vision flickered at the edges, then went completely black.