Survival of the Living

My eyes tried to betray me, they were heavy and itchy with sleep since I truly hadn't had a full nights sleep in about three weeks.

"No damn you, stay open you stupid eyes!" I yelled in my head blinking a few times.

"Your tired... your still not sleeping are you?" my school-friend, Clarie, whispered to me.

I blinked again before answering.

"No... I'm ok," I lied, though it was kinda pointless, I was a wreck and there was no covering it up.

"I don't believe you, you’re going home right now and getting some sleep," she declared confidently, but I could still tell she was fighting to keep the paranoia out of her voice; she was an amazing friend whether or not we knew each other that well.

I sighed, closing my text book and looked up at the teacher in the front of the room. I don't think she knew about what happened to Mikey because even that evil woman would have said something to me, so this was either going to be either complicated or against the rules... I didn't have the energy for anything complicated.

"Ms. Cassali?" I asked raising my hand, "May I go to the office? I need to call my mom,"

She glanced away from the white board to look at me for a second while fluffing her freakishly curly pony tail.

"Uhh, sure?" she shrugged turning back to the white board. She didn’t care what I did or not, that was one bonus about having a careless bitch for a teacher.

I collected my books then slung my bag over my shoulder before dragging my sleep-deprived body from the room, pausing only to shoot a grateful glance back at Claire.

Once I was in the hall, I'm sure you can guess I didn't even go near the office. Simply out the door. I was thankful that in summer school you only had one teacher the entire day, that way you had no new ones to mark down for skipping. Yes I was in summer school, but not for the reason most people are. I was in there because I chose to be! I wanted to be all AP my junior year. My freshman grades were good enough to bump me over my sophomore year so I was a 14 year-old junior that was aiming for AP classes. I sound like a freaking nerd, I know, but I just do it because I don't ever want to end up like my mom: bankrupt, suicidal, and fucking out of her mind.

As I walked home, my foggy mind only wanted sleep. The thought of sleep was nice, even though I knew I wouldn't get it no matter how hard I tried. I simply couldn’t sleep soundly anymore; the nightmares about his death caused me to have terrible night terrors.

Technically I wasn’t related to him, but I sure as hell felt like I was. Somehow, my mom had managed to keep herself together long enough to have two children, my sister Lindsey and Me. My beautiful sister had recently married a man named Gerard Way, perhaps you've heard of him. Perhaps you've heard of my sister as well! Both of them happen to be in bands, Gerard in My Chemical Romance and Lindsey in Mindless Self Indulgence. Gerard had become my big brother once he and Lindsey began dating, which left his own brother, Mikey Way, to be my figurative uncle. I also had a figurative aunt named Alicia Way. The five of us plus the other members of My Chemical Romance and Mindless Self Indulgence had all become so close, it seemed like Mikey really was my uncle. Just like it seemed I was really related to Jimmy, Steve, Frank, Ray, ect.

Alicia, Lindsey, Gerard, Mikey, and I had been at the park playing tag on the pier (who says 14-31 year olds can’t play tag?). When Lindsey had reached out to tag Mikey, he lurched backwards to avoid becoming it. He lurched backwards so suddenly that he stumbled into the railing. At first we all laughed, including him... until he lost his balance and slipped over the bar.

Gerard and I threw ourselves off the pier after Mikey while Lindsey instinctively reached for her cell phone. Gerard and I dove down as far as we could, ignoring our need for oxygen with only one thought in mind: get Mikey. We searched and searched until finally, I passed out from lack of air. Apparently Gerard took me back to the surface, not wanting to loose me as well. Then he went back to find Mikey alone.

When I woke up I was coughing up water and sucking in air, what had just happened? Oh right, I remember now. I almost fucking drowned! Almost drowning really sucks let me tell you. After a minute, I registered my surroundings: I saw divers going in and out of the water and police cars and other officials running around taping parts of the pier off.

"Lyn... what happened?" I asked once I realized my sister was sitting next to me, Alicia was sobbing into her arms.

"Oh, your awake!" she had exclaimed, but Alicia barely lifted her head.

Something about Alicia’s tears triggered a memory. That’s when everything hit me like a fucking tsunami. Mikey! I sprinted to the waters edge and peered downwards at the divers who had searchlights following them... no. They weren't looking for Mikey, they weren't looking for Mikey, they weren't looking for Mikey... but deep down, I knew they were.

I tore my eyes away from the water and saw Gerard sitting in a circle of police officers and medics, wrapped in a blanket with a cigarette pinched between his fingers. His eyes were swollen and he was making strangled sobbing sounds.

"Gerard," I whispered running towards him with my vision blurring everything around me.

He glanced up on impulse at his name but he seemed to look right through me. He slowly put his head back down almost as soon as he put it up.

"Gerard," I simply said again stopping by his side to tangle him in a hug.

He just sat there for a moment letting me hug him. I didn’t let him go, even when suddenly he broke down in full-out sobs. He dropped his cigarette on the ground so he had both arms free to squeeze me as tightly as he possibly could. The harder he squeezed me, the more panic I could feel in his cries.

"Were gonna find him, he's fucking fine," I chocked and Gerard buried his face in my damp and tangled hair, still a complete mess.

I had known Gerard for a long while now... and I had only seen him close to tears once. Now here he was fucking sobbing his heart out, it was scaring me. Something that could bring Gerard down this far had to be bad. I didn’t know what to do when your big brother/idol breaks down over the death of one of your own best friends. It was hard for me to keep from screaming.

"I saw him, Lydia! I fucking saw him fall in... I could have gotten him in time, I know it. We could have gotten him," Gerard persisted through his heart wrenching sobs.

"We did everything we could Gerard, Mikey knows that... he's not gone," I told him doing an awful job of trying to fight my own tears back.

Gerard just hugged me tighter and cried. The officials and medics had given up on both of us; we could do more for each other anyways.

Soon Alicia and Lindsey came to our side and I released Gerard so he could hug 'Lisa (Alicia). The pain they must have felt was in-imaginable. It was breaking me apart at the thought of never seeing bright-eyed Mikey again and he wasn't my husband or blood brother, we were only related by a marriage in the families!

I knew from then on that all of us were in for one hell of a fucked summer. I’ve never been more accurate with one of my predictions before.

The walk home was brutal, not only was I deliriously tired, the sun was beating down on me and I was wearing a hoodie and my bag was freakishly heavy. I was a little more relived then I should have been when I reached my apartment which had air conditioning.

I tossed my bag aside and grabbed a Vitamin Water before retreating to my bedroom. When I opened the door I was quickly blind-sided by an embrace. Judging by the familiar jacket and un-washed black hair I was guessing my visitor was Gerard (he was also the only other person who had keys to my house besides me).

I slowly returned the hug and sighed, sinking into his arms letting my worn out body rest against his.

"Sorry I just kinda intruded while you were at school," he sniffed and we pulled apart.

I felt so sorry for him, his eyes were blood shot and swollen with tear stains stuck down his face. His hair looked like he stuck his finger in an electrical socket then tried to smooth it down with bacon grease... I mean I had seen it tangled and messy loads of times but this was getting out of hand. It also looked like he was wearing the same thing as when I saw him four days ago.

"It's fine... really. We both shouldn’t be alone," I sighed going to my bed and dropping down heavily on it.

Gerard followed my lead and we both lay there in silence as I sipped my vitamin water.

"Where's Lyn?" I asked finally, being the one to break the silence.

"Practice... she didn't want to go again because of me. I told her she had missed enough practices and I'd be fine, but I left out the part that you gave me keys to your house," he explained turning his head to look at me.

I capped my water and tossed it aside before rolling on my side to look at him," Yeah, she's a good sister slash wife," I nodded reaching out to touch Gerard's hair.

"Mhm, were lucky," he nodded and closed his eyes seeming rather tired... but this was seriously bothering me.

"Gerard? Before you sleep maybe you should take a shower... you could fry chips in your hair it’s so greasy. Some hot water might do your mind some good too," I suggested glancing towards mini bathroom that was attached to my room.

He slowly pulled his eyes open and felt his own hair, seeming slightly shocked as if he forgot it could get dirty.

"Right... maybe," he nodded and I slowly helped him up and off the bed.

Since I very much enjoyed boys’ clothes and Gerard very much enjoyed girls’ clothes, I had several outfits that Gerard and I could share. After I selected the most comfortable one I owned, I gave him the small stack of clothes and left him to walk into the bathroom. I leapt back onto the bed and waited until I heard running water before closing my eyes and un-willingly getting dragged into sleep.