Survival of the Living

Gerard POV

It only took five minutes to get to the lake; I think both of us were grateful for that. Any longer and we might loose our nerve! I wasn’t really sure what to expect once we got there, would I even be able to go through with it?

Augh! Goddamnit Gerard! Stop worrying! Internally I smacked myself in the face.

All I was doing was going for a walk by the lake with Lydia, just like we always used to. It’s not like I was going fucking swimming in it or anything!

“Gerard… your gonna miss the turn if you don’t slow down,” Lyida’s warning shook me from my thoughts. I slammed on the breaks just in time.

“Oops,” I apologized as I slowly pulled into the entrance.

We bumped over the ancient parking lot and pulled into a spot near the pier. I took my time shutting off the car and getting my keys, but that wouldn’t last forever. In fact, it only lasted a few seconds. Both of us soon found ourselves out of the car and standing on the pier’s edge in under a minute.

“I guess we don’t have to go on the pier,” Lydia finally broke the silence after a while.

“Mm… mmhm,” I nodded in agreement and the two turned away from the pier and headed left.

There was a slope of sand in between the land and the water, but thankfully it was long enough that the waves couldn’t reach us.

Lydia walked in between the lake and I so I forced myself to relax. If I just closed my eyes and focused on the soft breeze, it seemed like it was just another day in the world. I was with someone I cared about and we weren’t doing anything in particular. I even felt a smile pricking at the corners of my lips.

“Hey Gerard, look! It’s that tree we found the baby goose at, remember?” Lydia asked.

I opened my eyes and saw a twisted little tree that was bent over the water. At its base was a small path of dirt where the rest of My Chemical Romance and us had once found a small goose.

“Oh yeah, it is! I remember that day,” I told her, going to stand under beside it.

Lydia joined me with her eyes fixed on something above us. I followed her gaze and quickly saw what she was looking at. She reached her hands above her head and wrapped her fingers around a branch that was lower then the rest. Giving a pull and a good amount of flailing, she heaved herself up so that she was hanging over the branch on her stomach.

She gave a little giggle and tried to move herself into a more comfortable position.

“Be careful you don’t kill yourself up there,” I joked, leaning my back against the tree.

I looked past her epic failing, I mean flailing, and out into the water. The dark blue waves rushed against the shore, only lingering for a little while before falling away. As soon as it was gone, another wave came running up the side of the sand. It seemed like all of them were trying to reach the top of the sand bank but none of them had enough momentum. I felt myself rooting for each wave, just for it to touch the top before it fell back.

“Ah yes! I win!”

I looked and saw Lydia sitting on the branch with swinging her legs back and forth.

“I see you’ve won the battle of the wits with a tree! Congratulations!” I added applause to my sarcastic remark and smart-ass grin.

“Screw you,” she laughed, turning her head towards the water.

We both just there, talking for what seemed like hours. We had no idea how long it had actually been but the damn little annoyance called ‘mature judgment’ kicked in. Geeze, how long have I had this?

“We should probably start heading back, Lindsey might be home by now,” I suggested, smashing the cigarette I had been smoking into the ground.

“Alright. I was starting to wonder the same thing,” she agreed, turning herself around on the branch.

I stepped back and out of the way so I didn’t get crushed and waited for her to jump down. It took her a minute of planning and turning but she finally draped herself across the branch again. Giving a kick of her legs, she flew off the branch. She hit the ground with so much momentum that once she had landed, she kept going backwards… right down the sand slope.

“Lydia!” I exclaimed.

I rushed to the edge and searched for her with my eyes. She lay sprawled on the sand, just out of the waves reach.

“Oh geeze, are you ok?” I asked and without even giving it a second thought, I slid down the slope to meet her.

She propped herself up with her hands and looked at me with a slightly confused expression on her face… and then she started laughing.

“Yeah I’m fine,” she laughed, “Oh my god I’m such a klutz!”

It took me a second, but I started laughing along with her. There was just something about her sitting there in the sand with this dazed look on her face that made me laugh like I’d forgotten I could. I had forgotten how it had felt to just be care-free. How it was to just have a good time with a friend and just laugh.

“Ahaha, what the hell am I touching?” she asked.

She raised her right hand from the sand and we both looked down at what was there. It took both of us a minute to realize what it was, because it was half buried under the sand but soon the black plastic took shape and meaning: they were Mikey’s glasses.

The laughter drained from our faces in a split second as we both just sat staring at them.

“A-are they really?” she whispered after a possible eternity.

I couldn’t even answer her… I just stared and couldn’t think what to make of them. It just made it final, seeing his glasses stuffed on the shore. It made it final that he was gone. All the happiness I had flew from me so fast, it left me breathless.

“Fuck,” I hissed, bowing my head so I wouldn’t have to look at them.

I felt the soft lap of a wave against my knee and I jumped right off the sand and back onto the main part of the land as if it had burnt me.

“Lydia… come up from there. Please. I don’t want you near the water anymore,” I told her, motioning for her to come up.

She looked at me for a second and forced herself to move. As soon as I saw she was coming, I started to away from the water. It was rude to just leave her to get up on her own, but I was so shaken I wasn’t thinking straight.

I had just started to sink into a feeling of oblivion and safety… then this happens. Reality happened and came to bite me in the ass.

“Gerard… I’m sorry. Really, it’s going to be ok. It’s just his gl-” she cut herself off almost as fast as she had started.

We sped-walked away from the water and towards the car, both of us just wanted to get out of there as fast as we possibly could. I un-locked the doors with the remote before we had even gotten close enough to touch it. I slid into the driver’s seat and met Lydia inside.

We were out of that park so fast it surprised me. I drove home, way over the speed limit, and remained silent the entire time. I think Lydia started crying on the way, I think I might have too... I couldn’t really be sure of anything right now.

The car pulled into the drive way and I took the key out of the ignition. For some reason I just sat there and looked at the house from inside the car. Lydia stayed with me; I didn’t think she had much intent on moving either.

“Gerard… I don’t think Lindsey’s home,” she whispered to me.

I blinked a few times and focused my eyes. The entire house was still dark, just the way I left it.

“Oh, well…” I stopped there; I didn’t have enough energy to talk right now.

Instead I just opened my car door and stepped out into the suddenly-thick summer air. I closed the door and waited for Lydia to come to my side.

“Bad idea… bad idea,” I sighed, putting an arm around her shoulders.

Then the two of us headed into the house where there was air conditioning and sugary foods to distract us from all the shit that happens in our life.